Lost-1958

[Lost-1958]

Hi,

I'm a 64-year-old male who left a 30-year marriage, because I hadn't had any love or affection from my second wife for 10 years. I only stayed the distance because of the children, work and put family then work before anything I needed; and ended up having a breakdown. My two youngest daughters who are both adults are giving me grief about leaving the marriage and I can't move on because the divorce hasn't been finalized yet. One daughter believes that I should not be trying to find affection with another woman but should be staying close by not going overseas and rebuilding a relationship with them. She moved a 4 hour drive away 3 years ago and only communicates by Facebook with me.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

While I can see your daughters intent and their grief at the separation, I think they have gone too far. You should enjoy your freedom to make your own decisions and that might mean not telling them at all about your desire and action of dating or enjoying other peoples company.

They might be oblivious of the lack of affection you have endured and that being a top need of your, they wouldnt realise its effect. They also dont know what went on behind closed doors (nor what didnt go on) so your marriage is your business not theirs. 

Finally the fact that you've have a breakdown it's time you focussed on your own mental health issues and passed on how that has been for you. However dont be surprised if they dont have the level of empathy you need because many people dont see mental injury that is invisible from their eyes.

 https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/relationship-and-family-issues/they-just-wont-understand-why/m-p...

I'm your vintage. I have grown daughters. Occasionally they overstep the mark. Subtlety let them down as they mean well. But this is your time and I did comment once to my eldest "I didnt object to who you chose as a husband".

I wish you well. Please repost if you want and we will reply.

TonyWK 

[Moonstruck]

Lost....you are a very brave man....I understand your position and know another man who has stayed years in a loveless marriage....he plans to leave it eventually as the children get older and has endured loneliness and been very unhappy for so long it breaks my heart.

He is younger than you and thank God he can see he can still have a future, hopefully a loving woman.   He's an honourable brave guy and so are you.     Congratulations for leaving!  This is your time and there are lovely women out there the right age group for you I assure you.....go seek them out...or perhaps love will come along when you are not looking for it.....it usually does!     what your daughter thinks of your personal life plans is irrelevant...say "thank you for sharing" and go find love!!!       good luck!