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Long distance relationship issues

Nikky1111
Community Member
Hi
I have been in a really amazing loving relationship for about 5 months now. We live about 1 hour and 15 minutes apart from each other so it's not too impossible and we are seeing each other every weekend at a minimum one of the weekend days but usually 2.

The only problem is. I work some weekends either a Saturday or a Sunday shift and I finish early at 2pm so I have most the arvo free to do things.. so when my boyfriend comes to my place say a Friday night and stays and I have to work say a Saturday or Sunday he will just chill at mine till I come home and be productive like study or something and just relax. Then we usually have the whole arvo and next day free together to have fun. So it's been working quite ok like this.

But. On the other hand. When it comes to me being able to visit him, he has not yet moved out of home and his parents are very old style Christians that believe in no sex before marriage so they will not allow me to stay at his house in his room even tho we are both of adult age.
So if I go up to visit him. I always have to drive all the way home the same day because I can't stay. It can be hard because if he has other commitments that weekend and I can only drive up to see him for one day, we have no private space to be able to be intimate together and have cuddles or anything. And that may be our only contact for the entire week.

Now we just got news that he will be starting to work Saturdays just for a half day shift, soon, and this is going to limit our time together even more. He won't be able to drive down to my place on a Friday night and if I'm working the Sunday I doubt he would want to come down the Saturday and then have to wait for me at work on the Sunday just for me to get home so we can spend some time together.

I want to ask him if down the track if he would consider moving out of his parents house and flat with some mates or just general flat mates so he can have his freedom and privacy and allow space for us to have our relationship up where he lives as well. That way I can stay up there and work around his work commitments also... I am scared of putting pressure on him by asking but it is extremely important to me that we have enough time together and this seems like the only logical and healthy step forward..
3 Replies 3

jess334
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
Hi Nikky1111,

Sounds like you guys have a really good relationship right now and you're understandably worried how you will spend time together once he starts working on Saturdays.

Is there a reason why he is still living at home? Is he studying or saving money for a house? Maybe its just cheaper?

I think you are right to focus on how to move forward instead of trying to change his parents mind. I don't see why you shouldn't talk about the future with him. As long as you aren't pressuring him to move out before he is ready.

Kind thoughts, Jess

Nikky1111
Community Member
Hi there
Thanks for the reply and you are right I just couldn't sleep the night I wrote this post and all I really needed was a good deep and meaningful talk with my boyfriend just to check in where we are at with each other and to see how we feel about everything and solutions to move through any time restraints on being able to see each other.

I'm so glad I talked to him and I made sure it was at the right time because timing is important so you can communicate clearly and when you are both in a good place.

I asked him if down the track our relationship was still going strong if he would be interested in possibly moving in with me and I was so surprised at his response. I didn't know he felt this way. I was completely wrong. He said he always thinks about it and would absolutely love to because he has never felt like this with anyone before.
I was just like wow. Because I don't know why I thought he was comfortable at home. He actually said he is sick of living with his parents and would love to live with his girlfriend.

I told him like I don't want him to rush or out a time frame on it but I am just happy to know that we are on the same page and that's something we both would love
He is saving for a car first which I'm aware of which is great. he is few years younger than me too and also studying but he said that not an issue to moving out
So I was wrong after all. I'm patient and I'll love and allow us both space to allow our relationship to grow and see how it goes!

Hi Nikky1111,

That's great! I'm glad that your talk went well and that you guys are on the same page. Sounds like there is a lot to look forward to.

Kind thoughts, Jess