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living alone

randomx
Community Member

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

 

740 Replies 740

randomx
Community Member

Do you ever feel weird with the neighbours, like his the guy lives on his own, or she just lives there on her own?

They all seem to be coupled up around here.

Once l was helping a friend with her new house , and she said ahh, don't mind the neighbours. And l said why what do you mean , she says oh they all gossip about me , living on my own and all . They're all families and stuff..

l mean l know there's millions of people in any town or city anywhere living on their own , but it does feel weird with neighbours l've gotta admit..

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni
hi Randomx, good post and yes I've been living by myself for 13, 14 years but have my puppie to keep me company.
I once had a border in our own house before it was sold, hated it, everything he touched he broke it, he was deceitful and said he wasn't using drugs but he certainly was.
When I was in hospital after having a seizure he went through all my files, stupid didn't have a lock on filing cabinet but never thought someone would do this, but yes he did, and I knew because he was stating facts that only he could learn about from my files, I soon put a lock on it.
He was a clever chap and could do most things and when he left I'm positive a lot of my tools went with him, the money helped but he was worth more trouble, as he told me that he was breaking into a wreckers yard.
Al my family live in Melbourne or my sons further away so I don't have anyone up here, honestly that doesn't worry me at all and don't have people calling around to see me, maybe occasionally,but all they do is ask question after question, that becomes annoying, so I'd be happy not to see anyone at home, rather I would prefer to go to their place where I can leave whenever I want to, that suits me better.
I do pick up a chap early in the morning three times a week and take him shopping, and my neighbours next door, ( our flats face eachother) but hardly talk with them as they both work.
I also haven't had a partner since the divorce but I'm close to a couple, only platonic, so I'm an old man living alone and loving it, but I have to say that I'm sorry for you. Geoff.

randomx
Community Member

Gday Geoff , and thanks for the thoughts and stuff.

Yknow , it's been very strange , it's really the first time in my life l feel as though l'm at complete road blocks since separated with ex w.

l later met gf and although she gave me a lotta grief with her head issues or whatever they were , she also gave me some of the best times of my life ever and so l suppose l can't really complain. But the thing was also, that we were about 70% long distance and so l was still on my own mostly even though we'd talk one way or another 24 7.

So l feel as though l've been alone 5yrs but really , not quite so , reality more like only the first 2 , and now this bc l've split with gf.

So l guess l can't complain , l've done everything l've ever wanted to in life and lived in differnet states , l've had fantastic times and women , even ex w and l were brilliant for a lotta yrs and so lucky. Of course it's sad that it still went wrong in the end but what can you do.

My family are in Melbourne too and l'm fine with that why we moved here in the first place . l don't have many call around either but l've always controlled that sort of thing as l just don't like people getting too clingy or in my face.

l've got a brother 20mins away and now one of my sisters has moved up here too also 20mins away. He has everyone up , bit of a people person and he has some weird part time thing with his gf so his alone a lotta of the time, think he likes whatever company he can get. But that helps me because he keeps the family outa my face haha.

The sister would be over here twice a day if l wasn't careful so l had to kinda back her off a bit.

l'm not really a neighbour person but l have been lucky in the way that l usually end up with just one , that l become friends with and get along well, but l've usually moved in the end. Don't think much hope of that here though, don't fit in tbh.

Anyway l'm really glad your content with thing Geoff , great stuff, that's all that matters in the end whatever we do isn't it.

Thanks again mate , all the best.

RX.

Juliet_84
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
I've lived alone for two years after leaving my partner of 11 years. Like you I struggle with living alone at times, but I've identified that it's the fear of loneliness rather than actual loneliness that really freaks me out. But there are also a lot of positives like you mention, I love coming home to a peaceful environment and having what I want for dinner and watching whatever tv shows I want without someone constantly on at me. I also try and get out for walks of an evening in my suburb as there are quite a few restaurants around and it just feels nice to be amongst people. Perhaps some hobbies of an evening? I've looked at going to a pottery course of a Tuesday evening and that may help broaden your horizons.

Hi Juliet.

yeah,it's aweird life after marriage isn't it. Gotta admit , now that lve had some freedom ,l could happily settle into a couple life again now.

l have a bit of that fear now too, for sure. it doesn't seem to be an issue for a lot of people but l do feel it.

l am thinking about getting back into hobbies and even last wkend l made a point of undusting the canoe and went out rowing , bloody beautiful. But over all l just don't feel like doing much. l've just lost total interest in just about everything lately. Mind you l have just split up with gf and having some major ups and downs in all that . So glad l went canoeing though , def' wanna get back into that if nothing else. The sound of the water passing under the boat as you row , is just damn beautiful.love it.

l wanna get a couple of parrots too and train them up to come in and hang around the house.

Geoff was talking about his housemate he had , well l ran an add last wk, hopefully l don't get that guy eh.

l dunno if l'll do it , but l've got people looking, maybe if the right one was to come along

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey randomx,

i understand the loneliness. I have kids but when I first separated and they'd spend the weekend with their dad I hated it, thought I just couldn't live like that but now I enjoy my alone time. I don't get much of it nowadays but I've adjusted. I like my own company, doing my own thing. I don't onow if I could live with someone anymore. Maybe I say that cos my kids are around but I crave time by myself.

im awRe of your other thread and what you've been through. Hopefully you just need time to adjust. I do hope you find some peace.

cmf

blondguy
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hey RX

This is a really great/important post

I have been living alone for......ummm...a while now and it can be isolating even in the burbs...I have a friend that says hello and keeps me company when she can every few weeks which is nice.....

Despite the loneliness I have no choice but to focus on the benefits of flying solo at the moment....

Let me organise those benefits RX...

Paul

meercat
Community Member

Hello all.

Loneliness... I dont mind my own company but sometimes its not easy being alone. Iv been single but id miss fighting over the tv programs and remote control.

Im retired now, we moved 2 yrs ago to a new area so home alone all day. I used to work at the op shop, make jewellery for the markets. I cant see to drive anymore so i cant sing at nursing homes or help at the shelters.

Yesterday i sat down once more and thought how it'd be nice to chat over a cuppa, even once a week to break the loneliness.

Iv tried many times since we moved here, to invite neighbours over for morning tea but they keep to themselves. Yesterday, 2 years after my joining "Nabo" a club member called inviting me for coffee? A real coffee !!

I luv kayaking on the lake on the weekend lying back watching the ducks during the weekend but i still have five whole days alone time during the week and H has 12 more years to work.

My raised vege garden bed is on lay-by..maybe some of you would like to help me get it up and running, or set one up yourself.

meercat xx

randomx
Community Member

Ahh don't worry CM , when l was married l would've killed for this much time alone, just goes to show really , never know whats around the corner eh.

l do miss married life now , l've come more to terms with settling down to that type of thing better lately , 5 yrs of relative freedom has given me the breather l desperately needed . l often use to think man just wasn't built to be married , or maybe that was just this one . but anyway l'd probably do much better at it now.

eXCEPt l think if l kerp this going much longer l could start getting very very use to it so l'll have to watch myself haha. lt's funny ,lnever realyl thought about enjoying my own company but my whole life l have spent a lot of time along , even though l've rarely been single.

evne BAck in school l had friends but l was often alone , on purpose. Still do it now, keep people at arms length , further / Abti like Pails situation though right now, one brother drops in for while here and there, one or two other people might drop in about something now and then but a quick yack and their off and l won't be arguing about it either. That's not the kinda company l miss or am that fussed about .

Funny meercat , even though l'm not really a neighbour person , most places l've lived l've just happened to meet one in particular where we become good friends.Don't think that'll happen here though , 1 l'm too different to local people here so far but 2ndly yeah same , they all seem to be steering clear of me. But l'm not too fussed , nothing in common with them mostly from what l've seen anyway. They know l'm not one of them.