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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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ruiner_misery Marriage feels like it’s over
  • replies: 3

The past 2 years had been rough for me. I went through 4 miscarriages and an IVF cycle, fell pregnant and had a baby. Not only was my hormones all over, I was in a very dark place. I’m my family lives in another country, I migrated to Australia to be... View more

The past 2 years had been rough for me. I went through 4 miscarriages and an IVF cycle, fell pregnant and had a baby. Not only was my hormones all over, I was in a very dark place. I’m my family lives in another country, I migrated to Australia to be with my now husband. Today was the worst day of my marriage. My husband told me I cause 99% of his misery, I am a waste of his time, and I’ve ruined his life. I am very hurt by what he said and have no idea how to move on from what he said. He’s apologized n said he exaggerated a little ( always saying that), but I know he meant it somehow. What do I do?

Gracie_Lou Struggling to understanding feelings about partner
  • replies: 4

I moved to nsw from qld right before lockdown last year. Began working at a toxic workenviroment and thankfully met a lovely human who became my partner very quickly. I was doing over 60+ hours a week during lockdown and it affected me so much. I bec... View more

I moved to nsw from qld right before lockdown last year. Began working at a toxic workenviroment and thankfully met a lovely human who became my partner very quickly. I was doing over 60+ hours a week during lockdown and it affected me so much. I became very depressed until I quit my job recently and I went back to Queensland without giving my partner an explanation really. During our relationship I went from feeling so in love to wanting to break up with him by the flock of a switch. I had never experienced mood swing before but i was just scared of myself and how i was feeling so much hate towards him. I truly do not know if I want to breakup with him or not. I do not know if it may have something to do with me being used to toxic relationships and this is the first good one I've become bored or selfconcious or what. I feel sick constantly and cry all the time mostly due to frustration of I don't know how I feel or what I want. I truly feel so lost but like I want to be single and have no restrictions to what job I could have in the future and go anywhere and do anything but I have this horrible feeling if knowing i may never find another person like him and how much my partner loves me and I do love him but love just doesn't feel like enough sometimes because we are very similar in alot of ways but very different in others. I have all these doubts but haven't bothered talking to him about it or given him the chance to change the things that bother me. It's like I've been self sabotaging our relationship and I truly do not know what I want. I've just been walking around with this pain in my chest for about six months going from feeling truly hurt and miserable and restricted to a switch being flipped when I am with him and I feel like I love him so much. I'm constantly confused and tired and sick of it.

Clover9312 Dealing with being ghosted
  • replies: 8

I’ve been doing a lot of self work since 2020, consistently going to therapy etc, but some days I feel like I’m failing. I felt that I was finally ready to start dating again. But online dating has just sucked.I’m very social and always out. It’s har... View more

I’ve been doing a lot of self work since 2020, consistently going to therapy etc, but some days I feel like I’m failing. I felt that I was finally ready to start dating again. But online dating has just sucked.I’m very social and always out. It’s harder than people think to meet new people in person. I went on a date last weekend that I thought went well. I felt really at ease and I even felt myself breaking away from some patterns. He asked if he could kiss me at the end of the night. We were texting after and he initiated the first message and said it was so nice to meet me. He then disappeared. He got in contact a day later and apologised, saying that the friend he was with the night before our date had tested positive to covid. He said that he had been having heavy symptoms and was waiting for a PCR result. He was worried that he passed it to me, because he knows that I have a big event that I’m looking forward to this week.He tested negative but kept telling me that he felt crook and stopped replying. I haven’t heard from him since last Thursday. I have logged onto the app again to see that he has updated his profile. He definitely updated it after Thursday, as I am ashamed to say that I checked a couple of times. That stung. I’m aware that we are not exclusive after one date and can still be seeing other people. But he just dropped contact. He had kissed me at the end of the date and even added me on Instagram. Why do guys do this?People say ghosting happens to everyone. I thought all of my self work would help me deal with this, but I’m feeling so horrible. I also hate the expression “he’s just not that into you”. It puts so many heavy feelings onto someone and doesn’t even address any level of accountability from the other person. He said he wanted to go out again and It was implied that he was too sick and would be in touch when better. I’m sorry, but it feels a little garbage to me.

Alison_M Is going on porn sites and paying women to perform for you, cheating?
  • replies: 11

My husband and I were married 10 year's when I opened the drawer in our ensuites vanity unit to find a used comdom on top of a porn magazine. When I approached him, he said it was my fault as I no longer looked as good as I once did. We argued about ... View more

My husband and I were married 10 year's when I opened the drawer in our ensuites vanity unit to find a used comdom on top of a porn magazine. When I approached him, he said it was my fault as I no longer looked as good as I once did. We argued about it and talked tried again but slowly he stopped wanting sex with me. Then just a couple of days before my 53rd birthday and 6 months after our 20 year anniversary (which he refused to be sexually intimate), a message came into our email address for an interactive porn website. When I asked him about it he just said yeah so what! I then looked into it more and found out he'd been paying over 60 different 18 to 20 year Olds to perform sexual acts for him. He even done it on our 20 year wedding anniversary and my birthday, as he'd been paying them for over 18 months. He said well you don't look anything like you did when we meet, you're to fat to love now! I need a new hip, have 3 pinched nerves in my back, plus over 6 damaged disc's, arthritis in every joint but I have never said no to intimacy. Due to all my injuries I have put weight on but I'm not obese or anything, I am obviously over 20 years older but he has put on slot of weight, as he broke his back 4 months after we were married so I had to be his nurse for year's. Can anyone give me some advice, as I really don't know what to do! Some say there's nothing wrong with what his done as it's not cheating. Also it worries me as they are all over 35 years younger than him.

24yearoldgirl Hello
  • replies: 18

Hi all, I've been here before, but don't post very often. Same story; I've been a carer from a young age due to my mum's head injury.. I'm re-enrolled to study in July, very soon, I'm close to booking flights and sorting out accommodation for myself.... View more

Hi all, I've been here before, but don't post very often. Same story; I've been a carer from a young age due to my mum's head injury.. I'm re-enrolled to study in July, very soon, I'm close to booking flights and sorting out accommodation for myself. I'd be moving town to study and work and leaving my mum behind on a single payment (dsp). No-one seems to care much, not even my aunty, about the fact that if I leave, my mum will be homeless. We have always shared rent and expenses together, I'm now going on 26 years old. There is minimal housing available, she's not interested in share-houses and the cost of tent site is up to $50 a day. I wonder what my life would have looked like, if not having been a carer, or what it will continue to be if I don't pack and leave this situation. I am genuinely concerned about how my mother will cope on her own, with an acquired brain injury. She's not physically disabled, but she does have many health problems, and she is incapable of working due to her health. What do you think, honest opinions appreciated

Lost not found Insecurities and intrusive thoughts in my relationship
  • replies: 3

Hi, TLDR: My insecurities and intrusive thoughts make my new relationship hard (at least in my head). My partner and I have been together for just over a year now, and I’m struggling with some of my own insecurities and trust issues. My partner has a... View more

Hi, TLDR: My insecurities and intrusive thoughts make my new relationship hard (at least in my head). My partner and I have been together for just over a year now, and I’m struggling with some of my own insecurities and trust issues. My partner has a lot of friends and people that he talks to and I don’t have any issues with that at all. It’s mainly the thought of him cheating on me that upsets me, which comes from my last relationship (yay). I’m trying not to bring any of it up because we have been doing really good so far and I don’t want to accuse him of anything he hasn’t done. We’ve had little talks here and there and each time they’ve ending with us in agreement that we’re okay and nothings wrong, but give it month and it’s back to brainstorming all the ways I’m going to be hurt. Obviously I don’t want my insecurities to ruin anything, especially if I assume the worst in my head and then I’m wrong and then it turns to shit.Little things only feed the thought, like sometimes I feel like I’m a second thought in his head. Sometimes when we’re hanging out I’ll have to repeat myself or just sit there in silence as I wait for him to stop texting someone on his phone, for him to be like “sorry what did you say?”. Usually I just repeat what I said and it’s fine, but for the 1-2 seconds where there’s no response I find myself thinking “what’s the point then?” Like why are we hanging out if you’re not interested? And his usual response if I bring it up is something like “yeah I was getting there”. It upsets me that I just can’t trust him 100%, that there will always be an intrusive thought or something that makes me believe otherwise, no matter how much he proves to me that he’s faithful. It’s almost like I’m trying to sabotage myself while also clinging to whatever non self-deprecating thought I have. Thanks, J

BrightStar1 Emotionally exhausted by my partner's ex wife behaviour
  • replies: 2

My partner and I have been together many years now. We both met after our marriages had ended and have started our new chapter of life. There are children involved and I do believe I/ we have created a solid relationship. At no stage have I ever said... View more

My partner and I have been together many years now. We both met after our marriages had ended and have started our new chapter of life. There are children involved and I do believe I/ we have created a solid relationship. At no stage have I ever said anything hateful or mean about the biological mother in front of them. And that has been difficult! I have endured negative messages from her on social media ( she is now blocked), when the children where younger they would repeat what she said- degrading me as a person and how I was negatively impacting their lives. I would be constantly questioned by one child about all of my actions and questions asked that were coming from an adult, as a child wouldn't phrase them in such a way.On the whole I do not blame my partner for his ex. She is his ex for a reason and I believe that he was there longer in the marriage because of the children. I do think she does not like the version of her ex husband now he is with me. I am very kind, caring and work through issues and try to engage my partner in the same manner when we have problems especially in front of the children. This is very different to the yelling and screaming matches which they were used to. They are seeing their Dad actually be happy.There has been a very lengthy legal battle of finances and divorce. After witnessing this, I think that his ex may have narcissistic tendencies - including the sense of entitlement, need for attention, blaming etc. The one constant issue is now the children.The first verbal arrangement was told to him - at this stage, he kept the peace and went along with it so the divorce etc could be finished. Fast forward some years now, work conditions have changed for her. She is refusing to let him have the children one extra night per week (which would benefit her), but still wants them back after dinner one of the nights, so that it doesn't interrupt her child support payments.She refused on multiple times to discuss care arrangements with outside agencies. Taking this further to court would end up being expensive and she would want to keep fighting until the very end.She is not wanting an arrangement where they do not see each other at all. The pick up/ drop off would be via school. She wants control over him so he can be waiting in a public space at her mercy as to when she will arrive. At times she is up to 45mins late

Cleobyb72 I want out of my marriage
  • replies: 4

Hi. I'm 50 years old and I am desperately unhappy. I've repeatedly tried to save my marriage by suggesting counselling but my husband isn't interested. We live in separate areas of our house, have separate bedrooms and frankly my only function is to ... View more

Hi. I'm 50 years old and I am desperately unhappy. I've repeatedly tried to save my marriage by suggesting counselling but my husband isn't interested. We live in separate areas of our house, have separate bedrooms and frankly my only function is to be his cook and cleaner. We share no intimacy, which in part is due to my PTSD from being a child abuse survivor. I'm so unhappy, I just want to have the chance to try and start a new life and enjoy life while I still can. I know that divorce will not be received well so I've held off for way too long, but I can't do the marriage anymore-I need out.

shorti Sister takes lots of photos
  • replies: 5

Hey all, My sister is named the paparazzi by her friends. She will take photos of people without them knowing at parties and stuff to get "in the moment shots" My husband and I recently had a baby. My husband does not like lots of photos of the same ... View more

Hey all, My sister is named the paparazzi by her friends. She will take photos of people without them knowing at parties and stuff to get "in the moment shots" My husband and I recently had a baby. My husband does not like lots of photos of the same thing. My sister is a happy snapper and just keeps clicking the button on her phone and takes about 10 photos of the baby in the same position. I don't have an issue with this, but my husband does. He thinks it's rude and people should ask us if they want to take a photo of the baby. My sister is family and not just anyone. My husband now wants me to talk to my sister, but it's making me feel uncomfortable. I wrote another post recently about my husband not wanting me to go to my dad's with the baby, unless my husband is with me, because he doesn't get along with my dad.I'm starting to feel uncomfortable around my own family. I don't want to talk to my sister about the photos because I don't have an issue with it, and my family will know it's not coming from me. They will think my husband is controlling. This then makes me feel more uncomfortable. Anyone here who has kids, do you have issues with your family (parents, siblings) taking photos of your baby, and is there a limit to how many they are allowed to take? Do they need to ask you first?

hardquestions Insecurities in relationship
  • replies: 2

My girlfriend and I have had an on-and-off relationship with a lot of complications throughout. I recently (2 months ago) broke up with her because I was concerned that we were going in different directions in life etc, but quickly realised it was th... View more

My girlfriend and I have had an on-and-off relationship with a lot of complications throughout. I recently (2 months ago) broke up with her because I was concerned that we were going in different directions in life etc, but quickly realised it was the wrong thing to do. We work together, and while we were apart (about 1 month), I noticed her showing interest in a colleague of ours and the colleague showing interest back. We went on a work outing, and the colleague was extremely flirtatious toward her (touching and leaning on her etc) and she has later told me that she did enjoy the attention. Her and I were starting to try and work things out again at the time, so it was pretty awful to have to watch it all happen. We spoke later about it all and she said that she enjoyed the attention from the colleague after feeling rejected by me, and one time while we were talking things over, I asked if she was interested or curious about the other girl and she said that she was. But that she wanted to fix things with us and be with me. We're doing okay at working on things, but it has obviously been hard. I am really struggling with feeling extremely insecure about them because the colleague doesn't (and can't) know that we're together (no one at work does) and so continues to be flirty with her at times. They often do night shift together (just them two) and work together a lot in the workplace etc. To add to this, it is now looking as though I will have to move interstate and she may not come, so we will have to do distance. She will stay at this workplace, and continue working with the colleague and going out to work things with her etc. I trust my girlfriend, and REALLY want to get over this but my brain just keeps going back to feeling extremely insecure about it all - I need some coping mechanisms and ways to help myself stop feeling this way. I feel like I'm constantly anxious and going insane!Please, what can I do?