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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Seeking___ Anxious and insecure? Am I petty?
  • replies: 3

I know this will sound petty, but over the last 5 years I have worked so hard on myself. I found myself a partner and as of recently I feel no love toward him. Last year while setting up Duo on his phone, I found old texts and messages from women he ... View more

I know this will sound petty, but over the last 5 years I have worked so hard on myself. I found myself a partner and as of recently I feel no love toward him. Last year while setting up Duo on his phone, I found old texts and messages from women he met before and as we met from online dating. I was quite upset and wanted to end the relationship then and there. He convinced me it was nothing. Tonight I found the same numbers and old messages on another phone he's using as he broke his old phone. When I asked why he hasn't removed them, he said he hasn't gotten around to it. I Had a bad break up prior and just have trust issues. I don't know if I am being petty about it but it's just kicked my anxiety in and I feel so low and so insecure. Our relationship is failing so badly and this doesn't help. Do I leave or do I work it out? I'm just so tired and exhausted trying to survive but this is hurting. Dredging up old thoughts and feelings I haven't felt for a while. Why am I so pathetic

Yerrrrrp Broke up with bf, mixed emotions
  • replies: 7

Hi all, I broke up with my bf a few days ago and I have so many mixed emotions about it. I feel relieved because everyday was starting to feel so stressful. He seemed miserable all the time, basically hated my kids and complained about literally ever... View more

Hi all, I broke up with my bf a few days ago and I have so many mixed emotions about it. I feel relieved because everyday was starting to feel so stressful. He seemed miserable all the time, basically hated my kids and complained about literally everything even when there was nothing to complain about, he would bring something up from months ago randomly and just little tiny things that are like nothing. Now maybe that was the issue because I don't hold onto things and stay mad or annoyed about something small and stupid. So of course bringing stuff up that just seemed old and trivial months later then made me mad and I would basically ignore it so I wouldn't act mad and have an argument. Part of the problem with that is- in my opinion, you can't complain about certain things when you do the same. For example he would complain about my kids not doing housework, not working or paying their way etc etc yet he didn't pay his way or do housework, spent alot of time off work doing nothing just like my now adult son was. How could he bag out my son like he was any better when my son has contributed more money than him. Yes he bought food sometimes and cooked for everyone sometimes but alot of the time he was just petty about that stuff. He would cook food but not for the older kids. I kind of felt like it would be like me cooking for everyone but him because he didn't contribute. My kids are my kids, of course I will feed them and give them a house to live in even if they don't contribute. But they are not his kids so why should he could for them. But he was supposed to be my partner. We were never what I would call partners because of these things and so I always called him my bf. As you can probably see, there is alot to unpack here. I can see things from his point of view and I really wanted things to work out but I think we both checked out of the relationship a long time ago. He probably just didn't check out of my house because it was a free place to stay. There is so much more stuff I can't stop thinking about. So yeah It's a pretty confusing feeling time for me. I feel relieved but I also feel sad for not seeing things fully earlier and trying to fix things or not breaking up then, sad because I am alone and it's just weird. So so many things going through my head. Thanks for reading if you made it

white knight Family obligations- tolerating toxicity
  • replies: 9

All families differ. With some families and particularly when we are teens or young adults, we tend to view family as a obligation, a mandatory requirement, to get along, the persevere with them or "my world will fall apart" or "I'll hurt them" or "I... View more

All families differ. With some families and particularly when we are teens or young adults, we tend to view family as a obligation, a mandatory requirement, to get along, the persevere with them or "my world will fall apart" or "I'll hurt them" or "I'll be alone". For others that dont have this level of anxiety about family incompatibility, we can treat those abrasive family members in other ways am be content- anywhere form ceasing all contact to keeping them at arms length. The real problem escalates when the relationship becomes toxic. What is "toxic"- very harmful or unpleasant in a pervasive or insidious way. Toxicity can be temporary which is ok to take time to find remedy. Remedy can be possible as people/situation change. Over time people develop, have kids, gain maturity, have regrets and so on so there is merit in considering if the situation is workable down the track. With toxic people (to you) when it goes on for decades and has no measurable reduction in behaviour, if that relationship is still affecting your happiness then it could be beneficial in some decision making. Such decisions have various levels of action. For some it can be best to drift away without letting that person know and this has many advantages - you can still attend major family gatherings like xmas, kids birthdays etc and avoid the person. Major family developments mean you can still talk. This might seem the mature thing to do and some people claim that but for sensitive people or those that dwell on past poor experiences, it isnt always possible. Severing all contact can be the ultimate escape for some of us victims. I did it with my mother and a few friends that I found to be intolerable. Forgiveness is a great quality but self preservation is logical and can make life more calm and less controversial. What do you think about tolerating toxic family members? What action have you taken and are you happy with how it turned out? TonyWK

Homesteady Foster Struggles
  • replies: 4

My wife and I have been foster carers for 2 years, we are young (under 30) and are still yet to have kids of our own, we've had great results with our previous long term care situation (17 yo boy) and all of our respite kids love it here, everyone ha... View more

My wife and I have been foster carers for 2 years, we are young (under 30) and are still yet to have kids of our own, we've had great results with our previous long term care situation (17 yo boy) and all of our respite kids love it here, everyone has come back after their initial stay, and we've maintained a relationship with young man that left our care. My wife and I agreed that we wouldn't do long term care again for awhile after the young man left as we needed time to grieve after losing a twin pregnancy 5 months ago. Then the agency contacted us they were desperate to place 2 children as one of them had broken down 2 placements previously and they needed a place immediately, although we were reluctant we were made to feel guilty about their situation and so about two months ago a 1yo (girl) and a 5yo (boy) came into our care just as the holiday season started and day-care services were shutdown due to covid, the boys behaviours weren't adequately disclosed and we were with both children 24/7 for nearly 5 weeks (primarily me), the agency provided no respite or assistance and we'd been struggling to cope with his behaviours, he was very violent towards his sister (Previous carers had lots of space to keep them separated and other older children to distract him), mostly incontinent (And a poo painter), bites, spits, wanders out of the house in the morning at 5am, trashes the living room before people get up in the morning ect. His behaviours (Violence mostly) and our small home where the children could not be separated and his needs requiring 24/7 attention causing his sisters attention needs to go unmet (Wife is at work during the day) lead to the services deciding that he needed to be homed away from his sister as to not impart his trauma on her, we were told that the 1yo would remain in our care due to the attachment she had formed. Yesterday we informed that shortly after the 5yo has been rehomed they will also be rehoming the 1yo to a family that has 2 more of her siblings and 3 of their own kids, we were told that sibling relationships supersede everything else even though the services psychologist has stated breaking down another attachment would be detrimental to the child. Apart from own frustration and anger towards the situation my wife is inconsolable, this has compounded her grief over our previous loss to the point that I am concerned for her wellbeing.

Tokyo The Daily Stress
  • replies: 6

My partner works i wake up with him every morning get his stuff ready for the day, some mornings he just raises his voice and speaks to me with abuse and all im trying to do is help him. He will accuse me for doing something that i never did. He will... View more

My partner works i wake up with him every morning get his stuff ready for the day, some mornings he just raises his voice and speaks to me with abuse and all im trying to do is help him. He will accuse me for doing something that i never did. He will assume. He is never wrong he is always right. He will say his ODC but im the only one that cleans, he will come home from work and chuck his stuff on the floor and then yells at me for tyding it up. I have to pay all bills, while he just buys unessesary rubbish and $100 food shopping and i cant go food shopping for the week because he thinks we will survive with $100 worth of groceries. So ill say he controls my money aswell. I always listen when his speaking but not when his speaking to me with tone also abuse. But when i speak he just brushes it off or doesnt listen at. I dont feel confortable conversating with him so ill keep my words minimal, Sometimes i wouldnt know how to respond to what he has said to me so ill just try my best to. He gets very fustrated easy and ill just turn into an arguement. I feel like i dont even have a place in this relationship anymore.

Von is lost Single and lonely
  • replies: 5

Recently I’ve been feeling very upset about how long I’ve been single, and the fact that I turn 27 next month and have only ever had one boyfriend that didn’t last very long and a long string of failed attempts at dating (almost all of them involved ... View more

Recently I’ve been feeling very upset about how long I’ve been single, and the fact that I turn 27 next month and have only ever had one boyfriend that didn’t last very long and a long string of failed attempts at dating (almost all of them involved me being rejected). I have a good friend who is 20 and she’s been with her boyfriend for a while now and I’m very envious of their relationship. She posted some photos of them from a camping trip they went on recently and found myself crying about how I wish I had someone to do things with. I’m just so frustrated that I can’t find a relationship like theirs and I don’t know what else to try. It’s hard to stay positive about it all.

Agreen So Lonely, Sexless Marriage
  • replies: 9

My husband and I have been together for 14 years and have 1 child. Over the years I have had some body image issues and have not always been forthcoming in answering his requests for sexual intimacy. Then about 12 to 18 months ago, it is hard to say ... View more

My husband and I have been together for 14 years and have 1 child. Over the years I have had some body image issues and have not always been forthcoming in answering his requests for sexual intimacy. Then about 12 to 18 months ago, it is hard to say exactly when it started, he stopped asking at all, and earlier this year I tried to speak to him about it and it just turned into a big argument. I feel totally alone in my marriage, he does not even attempt basic intimacy anymore, like a kiss good morning or good night, no holding hands, we hardly speak at all, there is no discussion on futures or anything past some of the most basic pleasantries. We both work, and so when I get home, he does not talk to me, doesn’t ask me how my day was, I need to always ask him how his day was and things like that. When he talks to his mates, on the computer, he sounds happy enough but when I go to talk to him it is like I am annoying him or something, it is short sharp responses, to make matters worse even something simple like going for a walk as a family he now avoids. I feel so lonely it keeps me up some nights and I can’t sleep. What should I do?

Jay89 I can’t forgive myself for things I have done in the past
  • replies: 4

Hello to anyone who reads this, I hope everyone is okay. Back in 2016 I left my future wife for someone else who I’m no longer with. Since then my life has been somewhat a demolition in my own mind. We had everything we could want in a relationship w... View more

Hello to anyone who reads this, I hope everyone is okay. Back in 2016 I left my future wife for someone else who I’m no longer with. Since then my life has been somewhat a demolition in my own mind. We had everything we could want in a relationship we shared some amazing memories overseas and here in Aus. She was originally from England and we did 1 year long distance which I really enjoyed being able to Skype with her everyday and learn what love was about without physical interaction. My whole family loved her as she had a warm homely feeling about her. She was a very unique person. It’s now 6 years since we broke up and I’m still feeling terrible and I haven’t been able to love someone as much as I did her. Every time I meet someone new now that could potentially be a partner I stop myself because I don’t feel I deserve anyone because of what happened in the past. I feel disgusting as a human being and feel now that nothing means anything to me. I’ve always had issues growing up with low self esteem and anxiety and now it just keeps getting worse. Is there anyone who has been in a similar situation or could help me?

Scared_and_Confused Anxiety and Depression in Relationship - Love or Not?
  • replies: 94

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 9 months. The first few weeks of getting together I can only describe as bliss, and I was the happiest I had felt in a long time. I would get excited to see him. I couldn't stop smiling and everything t... View more

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 9 months. The first few weeks of getting together I can only describe as bliss, and I was the happiest I had felt in a long time. I would get excited to see him. I couldn't stop smiling and everything that comes with being in a new relationship you really like and begin to really love.After the first two weeks of officially getting together though, something happened. I was at work one day and in the morning I thought that I was really falling in love with him and it made me very happy to think. However later that day when things were quiet I started to question: "Is this really what love is?" "Is this love or lust?" "Is it wrong to think like this?" Then I couldn't get these questions off my mind. I resorted to Google at the time and read horrible things like 'If you're questioning love then you're not in love.' and I started to freak out. I started to talk to my Mum and she's been helping me through it all but nothing she says really sinks in, and I still have these thoughts and question why I am having these thoughts. For the first month I woke up early mornings and unable to sleep. I was somehow able to get through this in time.My boyfriend knew something was up and he has been my rock and trying his best to support me through this too. However up until recently he said he cannot cope anymore because nothing is sinking in. I'm now really struggling with my thoughts. I'm waking up in the morning feeling sick again like I did a long time ago and it immediately makes me think about the relationship. My palms are always sweaty and my head is always feeling fuzzy. I have thoughts racing through my head every single day and I am always tired. I am on medication.I'm upset and I can't relax and I cannot just accept that everything in my mind is anxiety. I keep trying but unable to switch off. I have been told by my councilor that I have sever anxiety (with ODC tendencies), and by my psych that I have Depression and going through something called anhedonia. My thoughts recently that I have to break up with him have been in my head and it's making me panic and cry all the time. My chest hurts, I cant breathe and sometimes feel like throwing up. I cant concentrate at work and have no motivation to do anything I used to enjoy doing.

AW-1972 I feel distant from my friends.
  • replies: 3

This is my first time posting on here. I feel distant from friends and family, all of my friends don't talk to me and the ones that do just hang up after 15 minutes. I feel sad about it all. I try to keep in touch with my best friend, but High School... View more

This is my first time posting on here. I feel distant from friends and family, all of my friends don't talk to me and the ones that do just hang up after 15 minutes. I feel sad about it all. I try to keep in touch with my best friend, but High School has made him no longer talk to me as much. I am not sure how to explain my feelings atm.