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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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GoodWitch I want to separate from my husband but don't know how
  • replies: 126

I've been married for 20yrs and we have 2 healthy children. We are financially stable. I know I should be happy but I feel depressed and stuck. I no longer want to be married. I care deeply about my husband, and he is a good man, but he has always be... View more

I've been married for 20yrs and we have 2 healthy children. We are financially stable. I know I should be happy but I feel depressed and stuck. I no longer want to be married. I care deeply about my husband, and he is a good man, but he has always been totally closed off to his emotions. Since the beginning I felt rejected and alone when he wouldn't talk to me. After we had our first child I asked him to come to marriage counselling, but he refused. Then I asked him to read a book I’d found helpful, but he was offended that I was 'picking on him' and very angry about it. He said hurtful things I’ve never been able to forget. I think it was then I started to shut him out the way I had always felt shut out by him. That was 8 years ago. He finally agreed to counselling about 2yrs ago but I feel like it's only scratched the surface. I've asked him to do extra reading or even his own therapy but he refuses. I’ve tried to initiate some fun activities for us but we don’t enjoy the same things and neither of us end up having a good time. Intimacy is also a problem. For years I was having sex in order to keep the peace and now I just feel used up, like I’m not even capable of enjoying it anymore. The idea of having sex with him makes me so anxious I feel physically ill. It’s been months since I’ve tried and I don't want to again. I've read about sexless marriage, but I know my husband wouldn't handle that. Sex is very important to him. but the real problem isn't the sex it's the lack of connection. I don't know how to feel connected to him anymore. I don't think I want to. I dream of asking him for a separation, but how? I only work part time, and I don’t want to move the kids even if I could afford to. And it seems too cruel to ask my husband to move out. Should I stay until the kids are adults and waste another 10yrs of both of our lives? The alternative is to break my husband's heart and break up my family. But staying is just adding more layers to my resentment and I'm scared I'll end up hating him. Has anyone been through anything like this? I’m still seeing my own counsellor, but I think it's gotten to the point where more talking about the same issues won't help. I need to take some action, because I can't stay in limbo. I'm not living just existing. Thank you

bobbie22 Gaining trust back from my partner?
  • replies: 4

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now. We met in November when I started working for the same company as him and hit it off straight away. At this point in time I had been on 2 dates with another guy but it was just me putting myself... View more

My boyfriend and I have been together for 8 months now. We met in November when I started working for the same company as him and hit it off straight away. At this point in time I had been on 2 dates with another guy but it was just me putting myself out there after lockdown and making the most of being single. A week or so after meeting the guy at work, I had a very out of character weekend - I went home with a guy who I met at a club and we had sex. And then two days later, I went on a 3rd date with the guy mentioned above and had sex with him as well. I felt so gross with myself after doing this. For context, before that weekend, I'd only slept with 2 other guys over 5 years. As I said, it was super out of character for me, but I was single and shrugged it off and tried to forget about it. During this time I was being flirty with the guy at work, having no idea he liked me back. I would talk to my friends about him and how I had the BIGGEST crush, but I wasn't sure what his deal was (if he felt the same, if he was seeing someone else, etc.) I didn’t want to assume. A few days after that weekend, I heard rumours that he liked me back so I messaged that guy I was kind of seeing telling him that I felt no connection and didn’t want to take it any further. We started messaging and he confirmed that he liked me, and then at the work xmas party a few weeks later, we kissed, and after this we became exclusive and started dating straight away.The problem is, I hadn't mentioned those 2 sexual encounters to him until it somehow came up in conversation a few days ago. We try not to bring up exes etc. as it makes us both uneasy so I thought it best not to tell him. Ever since then he has shut me out, saying "needs time to figure this out” and is doubting if he can trust me. He thinks our whole relationship is "built on a foundation of lies" and that he doesn't know who I am anymore - “The you I know wouldn’t have done that.” He says that the moment he saw me he knew I was the one and is upset that we weren’t on the same page for the first few weeks (which we were, I just happened to have an out of character weekend which I now regret).It has been 3 days since he found out and I don't know what to do. He won’t speak to me or meet in person to talk about it. I know I should give him some space but I just want the chance to make things right. Any advice greatly appreciated.

Nathan_K What do I do?
  • replies: 3

My mother (40) has been sick with cancer for a long time, but within months she's gone from happy and active, to bedridden, extremely skinny and constantly throwing up. I don't know what to do to cope, doctors estimated a few months left. I wish I co... View more

My mother (40) has been sick with cancer for a long time, but within months she's gone from happy and active, to bedridden, extremely skinny and constantly throwing up. I don't know what to do to cope, doctors estimated a few months left. I wish I could just have my mother back. Every waking moment I think about it, the fact I'm going to lose my mother. I haven't told my friends because I'm the person they rely on for laughs and support, and I don't want to lose that. I just don't know what to do.

Big_Sis Heartbroken as my brother has been jailed
  • replies: 13

Hi,My younger brother has been found guilty of charges of violence even though he is innocent and there is no evidence or witnesses. They say it is historical and her word against his. He is gentle and vulnerable and now suicidal. My family have neve... View more

Hi,My younger brother has been found guilty of charges of violence even though he is innocent and there is no evidence or witnesses. They say it is historical and her word against his. He is gentle and vulnerable and now suicidal. My family have never experienced this situation before. We are all older professionals and completely law abiding. I'm trying to navigate the whole prison system and he is in another state so I can't visit. Although I am a very strong person this has caused me extraordinary distress. I can't stop thinking and worrying about him and I've had to take time off work. We lost our beautiful Mum last year and he was still grieving her when this happened. It is like a nightmare that one cannot wake up from. I would love to hear from anyone with advice about how to deal with all this or anyone in a similar situation. I feel so alone. Thank you so much.

PsychedelicFur Overstimulated & Experiencing Autism Burnout/Chronic Exhaustion
  • replies: 4

Very recently, I have started back at University. I have a new timetable, brand new classrooms, some new peers/lecturers to associate with and even more information to comprehend and retain. I'm not use to my new timetable. This is the first week bac... View more

Very recently, I have started back at University. I have a new timetable, brand new classrooms, some new peers/lecturers to associate with and even more information to comprehend and retain. I'm not use to my new timetable. This is the first week back and it has really made me feel chronically exhausted. I'm so burnt-out. I'm tired. I feel overwhelmed. I just want to go home and sleep under my soft blankie. The lights are really bright at university, in the classrooms. The fluorescent lights on the train ride to and from university is blinding and really difficult for me. I have to mask my autism in front of everyone. The loud noises from the bustling city and new content has just been too much for me. Don't get me wrong, I LOVE learning and coming to university. However, I just feel so chronically exhausted from masking my autism to make other people feel comfortable, BUT masking requires SO MUCH energy and effort.

ruiner_misery Marriage feels like it’s over
  • replies: 3

The past 2 years had been rough for me. I went through 4 miscarriages and an IVF cycle, fell pregnant and had a baby. Not only was my hormones all over, I was in a very dark place. I’m my family lives in another country, I migrated to Australia to be... View more

The past 2 years had been rough for me. I went through 4 miscarriages and an IVF cycle, fell pregnant and had a baby. Not only was my hormones all over, I was in a very dark place. I’m my family lives in another country, I migrated to Australia to be with my now husband. Today was the worst day of my marriage. My husband told me I cause 99% of his misery, I am a waste of his time, and I’ve ruined his life. I am very hurt by what he said and have no idea how to move on from what he said. He’s apologized n said he exaggerated a little ( always saying that), but I know he meant it somehow. What do I do?

Gracie_Lou Struggling to understanding feelings about partner
  • replies: 4

I moved to nsw from qld right before lockdown last year. Began working at a toxic workenviroment and thankfully met a lovely human who became my partner very quickly. I was doing over 60+ hours a week during lockdown and it affected me so much. I bec... View more

I moved to nsw from qld right before lockdown last year. Began working at a toxic workenviroment and thankfully met a lovely human who became my partner very quickly. I was doing over 60+ hours a week during lockdown and it affected me so much. I became very depressed until I quit my job recently and I went back to Queensland without giving my partner an explanation really. During our relationship I went from feeling so in love to wanting to break up with him by the flock of a switch. I had never experienced mood swing before but i was just scared of myself and how i was feeling so much hate towards him. I truly do not know if I want to breakup with him or not. I do not know if it may have something to do with me being used to toxic relationships and this is the first good one I've become bored or selfconcious or what. I feel sick constantly and cry all the time mostly due to frustration of I don't know how I feel or what I want. I truly feel so lost but like I want to be single and have no restrictions to what job I could have in the future and go anywhere and do anything but I have this horrible feeling if knowing i may never find another person like him and how much my partner loves me and I do love him but love just doesn't feel like enough sometimes because we are very similar in alot of ways but very different in others. I have all these doubts but haven't bothered talking to him about it or given him the chance to change the things that bother me. It's like I've been self sabotaging our relationship and I truly do not know what I want. I've just been walking around with this pain in my chest for about six months going from feeling truly hurt and miserable and restricted to a switch being flipped when I am with him and I feel like I love him so much. I'm constantly confused and tired and sick of it.

Clover9312 Dealing with being ghosted
  • replies: 8

I’ve been doing a lot of self work since 2020, consistently going to therapy etc, but some days I feel like I’m failing. I felt that I was finally ready to start dating again. But online dating has just sucked.I’m very social and always out. It’s har... View more

I’ve been doing a lot of self work since 2020, consistently going to therapy etc, but some days I feel like I’m failing. I felt that I was finally ready to start dating again. But online dating has just sucked.I’m very social and always out. It’s harder than people think to meet new people in person. I went on a date last weekend that I thought went well. I felt really at ease and I even felt myself breaking away from some patterns. He asked if he could kiss me at the end of the night. We were texting after and he initiated the first message and said it was so nice to meet me. He then disappeared. He got in contact a day later and apologised, saying that the friend he was with the night before our date had tested positive to covid. He said that he had been having heavy symptoms and was waiting for a PCR result. He was worried that he passed it to me, because he knows that I have a big event that I’m looking forward to this week.He tested negative but kept telling me that he felt crook and stopped replying. I haven’t heard from him since last Thursday. I have logged onto the app again to see that he has updated his profile. He definitely updated it after Thursday, as I am ashamed to say that I checked a couple of times. That stung. I’m aware that we are not exclusive after one date and can still be seeing other people. But he just dropped contact. He had kissed me at the end of the date and even added me on Instagram. Why do guys do this?People say ghosting happens to everyone. I thought all of my self work would help me deal with this, but I’m feeling so horrible. I also hate the expression “he’s just not that into you”. It puts so many heavy feelings onto someone and doesn’t even address any level of accountability from the other person. He said he wanted to go out again and It was implied that he was too sick and would be in touch when better. I’m sorry, but it feels a little garbage to me.

Alison_M Is going on porn sites and paying women to perform for you, cheating?
  • replies: 11

My husband and I were married 10 year's when I opened the drawer in our ensuites vanity unit to find a used comdom on top of a porn magazine. When I approached him, he said it was my fault as I no longer looked as good as I once did. We argued about ... View more

My husband and I were married 10 year's when I opened the drawer in our ensuites vanity unit to find a used comdom on top of a porn magazine. When I approached him, he said it was my fault as I no longer looked as good as I once did. We argued about it and talked tried again but slowly he stopped wanting sex with me. Then just a couple of days before my 53rd birthday and 6 months after our 20 year anniversary (which he refused to be sexually intimate), a message came into our email address for an interactive porn website. When I asked him about it he just said yeah so what! I then looked into it more and found out he'd been paying over 60 different 18 to 20 year Olds to perform sexual acts for him. He even done it on our 20 year wedding anniversary and my birthday, as he'd been paying them for over 18 months. He said well you don't look anything like you did when we meet, you're to fat to love now! I need a new hip, have 3 pinched nerves in my back, plus over 6 damaged disc's, arthritis in every joint but I have never said no to intimacy. Due to all my injuries I have put weight on but I'm not obese or anything, I am obviously over 20 years older but he has put on slot of weight, as he broke his back 4 months after we were married so I had to be his nurse for year's. Can anyone give me some advice, as I really don't know what to do! Some say there's nothing wrong with what his done as it's not cheating. Also it worries me as they are all over 35 years younger than him.

24yearoldgirl Hello
  • replies: 18

Hi all, I've been here before, but don't post very often. Same story; I've been a carer from a young age due to my mum's head injury.. I'm re-enrolled to study in July, very soon, I'm close to booking flights and sorting out accommodation for myself.... View more

Hi all, I've been here before, but don't post very often. Same story; I've been a carer from a young age due to my mum's head injury.. I'm re-enrolled to study in July, very soon, I'm close to booking flights and sorting out accommodation for myself. I'd be moving town to study and work and leaving my mum behind on a single payment (dsp). No-one seems to care much, not even my aunty, about the fact that if I leave, my mum will be homeless. We have always shared rent and expenses together, I'm now going on 26 years old. There is minimal housing available, she's not interested in share-houses and the cost of tent site is up to $50 a day. I wonder what my life would have looked like, if not having been a carer, or what it will continue to be if I don't pack and leave this situation. I am genuinely concerned about how my mother will cope on her own, with an acquired brain injury. She's not physically disabled, but she does have many health problems, and she is incapable of working due to her health. What do you think, honest opinions appreciated