I want out of my marriage

[Cleobyb72]

Hi. I'm 50 years old and I am desperately unhappy. I've repeatedly tried to save my marriage by suggesting counselling but my husband isn't interested. We live in separate areas of our house, have separate bedrooms and frankly my only function is to be his cook and cleaner.

We share no intimacy, which in part is due to my PTSD from being a child abuse survivor.

I'm so unhappy, I just want to have the chance to try and start a new life and enjoy life while I still can.

I know that divorce will not be received well so I've held off for way too long, but I can't do the marriage anymore-I need out.

[geoff]

Hello Cleobyb, it's always so sad to hear of when someone was abused as a child and so very sorry you had to suffer from this.

As you are separated in the house you can still apply for a divorce, whether or not he signs it is up to him, and unless he has legal grounds, then a divorce can still happen.

It may not be the divorce he is concerned about but the split up of assets and who gets what, he is more worried about but this can be handled by a mentor or if you prefer a lawyer.

If you are really unhappy then you can ask any question you like.

Geoff.

Life Member.

[Sophie_M]

Dear Cleobyb72,

We are pleased that you found the strength and courage to post about your desire to leave your marriage in our forums. Many of the members of our community have experienced the end of long-term partnerships and divorce, so we expect you should get some help and support.

Fortunately, here in Australia, there is zero requirement to stay in a relationship, or marriage, if you want to leave it. We understand that each state has its own regulations about processes for ending the marriage, though much of these rules are around how assets are divided between the former partners, and how the children are to be cared for by the now separated parents.

We would like to encourage you to talk with Relationships Australia
https://relationships.org.au
as they are one of the organisations which assists couples who are wanting to separate.

Please feel free to post here whenever you wish.

Warm regards,

Sophie M.
 

[livi_mivi]

Hey Cleobyb72, 

I'm sorry to hear that you are feeling this way and want to thank you for sharing your vulnerabilities. It sounds as though you have tried your best to sustain and save your relationship but your husband has been unwilling to do the same. You deserve to feel fulfilled in a relationship and in life so if this relationship is interfering with your ability to do so and there's very little hope that it will resolve, it might be best to consider a new path for yourself. It is not selfish to want to start a new life for yourself, especially because you have tried to work on this one multiple times. I understand that this is a big and emotional decision to make so it might be beneficial to connect with people in your personal support network and/or with a mental health professional to receive some support. It could also be worthwhile consulting with a lawyer or mentor as Geoff suggested to ensure that you know what you are entitled to and gain some more information about the divorce process. 

I hope that you are able to find happiness and wish for the best possible outcome for you. 😊

[ecomama]

Hi Cleobyb72, welcome. 

It seems your mind is made up. You won't have to give us reasons why, although you're welcome to share whatever you feel comfortable sharing. It's your thread after all 🙂 

If you can answer a few questions it could help us help you:

Do you have children under 18yo still living at home? 
Is your husband employed in paid work?

Are you employed in paid work? 

Do you live in your own home? 
Have investment properties? 
Do you have joint banking? 

Do you have your own sole bank account? If not I suggest you open a Bank Account in your sole name asap.  

Getting through the twists of Family Law is difficult. 
Engaging a Family Lawyer is expensive but necessary at some point(s) along the road. 

Read up about the 4 Steps of Divorce online. 

Please see a few different Family Lawyers for their FREE 30 minute talk. This is so important to do asap. 
In future if you need a Family Lawyer, any one of these may be available for you. 
If they can't see you, it could be because H has "conflicted you out" of their services by seeing them before you. 

You can phone a Mediation organisation eg Relationships Aust. 

Best to do this asap due to long wait lists. 

Mediators make an appt for you alone.
After your appt, they'll contact your H to do same. 
If they note DV, they'll skip mediation, won't contact H & give you a Cert to lodge in Court. 

You don't have to say anything to H. It saves any pointless arguments. 

NB: It's important to "state" that you're separated to your H. Best in email / text form for future evidence that this has been communicated, showing the specific DATE. 
You will need this date to time your application for Divorce any time 1y + 1 day after separation. 

Cheers
EM