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living alone

randomx
Community Member

Wondering do you live alone if you don't mind me asking , and how long for , how do you find it ?

No need for any details if your not comfortable or anything like that, not prying just wondering about it all.

l've been living alone on off mostly 5yrs now since splitting with ex w. My daughter use to stay a lot but not much these days, 16, bf and friends over in her town, 20mins away . Also had a friend staying over a lot for awhile or me her place, separate rooms just friends. Then met my gf, together nearly two but 70% long distance,talking 24 7 non the mess but still mostly living alone. That ahsn't worked out and, still living alone.

It's the first time really since late teens and what a time of life for it to come along. l'm just wondering? l'm afraid l just can't get use to it or like it . Although times it's good also , like coming home tired, kick back for the night do your thing, watch what you want or sleep all day or listen to whatever you please as loud as you want day or night, no one else to worry about or please. It can be nice when the wk end rolls round too in ways , same reasons.

But , l still have a lot of trouble with it , don't think l'll ever get use to it. Even though there were plenty of times married would've given anything for this kinda freedom sometimes.

This house is pretty big , to me too big for one, one and a bit if my d stays. Not really into friends hangin round too often , assuming l had a few anyways, new town. But l think a smaller house would help , dunno how some people especially rich people live in monster mansions alone. l've even thought of sharing , got a spare room, it'd help the finances too. But tbh , getting a bit past that with a stranger and it'd cramp my style a bit and spoil the things l do like about this new life alone right now and having all this space to myself.

But over all , l'm really feeling the loneliness. Just don't know what to do about it though, how to deal with it . l feel like l'll get sorta lost in my own non existent world if l'm not careful. l do get out and about quite a bit actually but it's usually alone too. l've always enjoyed alone time even as a kid but l seem to have lost that these days and l find it's really taking it's toll on spirits and like life is passing by.

 

740 Replies 740

CMF
Blue Voices Member
Blue Voices Member

Hey RX,

live noticed a few times in your threads that you're concerned about getting used to being on your own. I wonder, what are you worried about? If you enjoy it, like your own company, like being on your own and having freedom then I don't think you need to worry about getting used to it. There are no rules that say we must be with someone, that we can't enjoy being on our own. It can get lonley and can be nice to have company but it's not everything.

What do YOU really Want?

cmf x

randomx
Community Member

Eh CM.

yeah ,l know , l do say that a lot but really l only mean it in a bit of a humorous way really because in the long run yeah , l would prefer to settle down with someone again one if these days now.

romantic_thi3f
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi randomx,

Thanks for your post.

Hmm interesting thread you got going here!

Well to answer your question, when I first lived alone it was well, confronting. Incredibly weird and full on to be fully alone. I was so used to things always being routine; from people coming home, to what was on TV, to shower times, bed-times, etc. All of a sudden none of those things existed, and I got to make the rules. I lived in a pretty strict (understatement) household so it was probably more full on for me than other people, so it really took some time for me to try to adjust to that.

I think there's a big difference between being 'alone' and being 'lonely'.

Are there times that you can pick when you're alone but not feeling lonely? Like how you can enjoy your own company, or get lost in the moment? Yes - a big part of loneliness is being with people, but I think it's also about learning to be with yourself without that nagging feeling.

One of the things that's interesting about loneliness and might be worth thinking about is that it's often a blanket covering other stuff; so maybe it's that feeling of being wanted, the grief from being out of a previous relationship, the longing for someone else, the sadness of having to sit with your feelings instead of being distracted by them, the shame because you think you shouldn't feel this way, etc. Get curious.

You might also find this article handy - https://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/anxiety-files/201702/living-loneliness

Hope this helps,

Hi rom and thanks forthe thoughts and the link.

Mines pretty simple though, l'm just missing the partner and the connection , the life.

But yeah , l know all the worst times and content times . Not much we cando about anything though right now until we see what life throws at us next l suppose.

Meantime l suppose we take whatever nice living and times that we have and find and roll along l guess eh. Try to do and live the things we enjoy as much as we can . or something like that.

Hey RX

My apologies for my brief post the other day....

I dont blame you for missing your partner....the pain is awful. I was dumped in early 2015 by my ex and it hurt really badly....it was agonizing...

There is nothing I can let you know except that the power of distraction can be awesome when we have hours to 'burn'....seriously....

I get really lonely even now...2 years later....and it still hurts...big time...

If you want to know what I did to stem the crappy feelings....you are always welcome to ask anything you want

My Best as always RX

Paul

randomx
Community Member

Gday Paul mate , and thanks again.

Nothing to apologize for though hell a hello's good enough sometimes.

l;m sorry about your sitch , remember you saying, damn.

admittedly things are biting right now , bit of a down turn buttttt, what can we do., don't think l can go back..

But hell yeah man , l'd love any tips you have , whatever puts a smile on the dial or whatever so if your comfortable talking about things please, feel free.

l've been thinking about house sharing , this damn place is too big. TBH , l dunno if l'll doit but l ran an add and have had a few people through so far.. No one l'd wanna share a house with yet .The money would sure help but l dunno , it's jus going of the slight chance that somebody who's style and living might gell with mine comes along is all, which l doubt but l'lls ee who turns up.

It's been a big thank you but no thanks so far, just finished sending out textes to people that have shown up so far , last wk.

Couldn't even imagine sharing a house with any of them so far buttttt, l'll let the add run , never know someone suitable might turn up . Not too fussed either way it's just on the off chance.

Two women too so far , dunno if l'd wanna be sharing with them though so they got the old message too.

Doubt l'll do it but if the right one was to turn up , a slight maybe. Especially if they like cooking and loud music. Csan't cook fo save my life.

randomx
Community Member

One of the problems l struggle with in my head and this is sorta how l mean l worry about myself.

Is that the house l've bought and it's position and views , is just really beautiful living . Sounds like a great problem riight. lt's the last house edge town, looks out over beautiful farm land from all the front side, can't be built out, all zoned rural. Yet l live in a street on the corner with town and neighbours on the other side. Yet you can think your totally out living on acreage from the front side. It's a really really unique set up and situation and one of the things l loved about the place to buy it.

Acreage living , in town. lncredibly peaceful, beautiful to wake up to every day , day after day, the nights are gorgeous, afternoons are gorgeous, l've lived in some nice places and set ups but this one is right up there. The feelings, just airy and openess, views across all the farmland straight out the front door just flows all through the house day in and out and gives it a beautiful peaceful feel all through and never claustrophobic , even if your home days on end or it's storming and pouring outside , front door wide open, deck, beautiful farmland right outside the door. Play music as loud as you want day or night, neaighbours are sorta at the back, can't hear a thing.

So it's an extremely chilled, airy, roomy and comfortable to just exist and hermit away if your not careful, day in and out, neighbours don't even see or know your home or disturb you in any way.

Problem , l'm becoming hermit , it's so damn comfortable and airy and peaceful, l have to push myself to even bother with anyone or anything or to even get out of the property and outa of the house for awhile.

More and more ,l really really have to push myself to bother. l might be alone at home but it;s just all too comfortable and easy and content just living and roaming about and to not even bother with anyone or thing else.

But what happens to you if you just allow yourself to go on like that. That's the scary part.

or do you just go on living the way your just content too right and to hell with it.

randomx
Community Member

Although the town can be a really vibrant little place down through the shopping area weekdays , saturday mornings ,there seems to be absolutely nothing else going on much , ever.

l don't think l've even heard any music playing in not one house, ever.

If you go out walking 10 or 11, nothing, few lights on , nothing else , no life or action or even people up anywhere it seems. Although there's probably plenty home up watching tv or something l guess but nothing else. 3 pubs , mainly just filled with older local men , even saturday night , no life.

Sooo , all that makes ou even more inclined to just hang around home in your own little world.

l try to make myslef get out some where at least one day of a wkened. or l wouldn't do anything at all. And it'd be really really easy not to too.

l also do a bit ofrunning around through the week , food, shopping or work things, up to the main town or other towns but l really have no inetrest and it's all too easy to just stay home and domy thing.

But if l do that , surely life will just end up passing me by..

JamesB
Community Member

Hey Juliet

I think what you said resonates with me. I don't know if it's actual loneliness or a fear of it. I've adjusted to living on my own and enjoy it because I've been able to do what I want and watch what I want but what u said sparked my interest and is what confuses me. You said that you can do what ever with out anyone on top of u. Is the point of being in a healthy romantic relationship finding that person that isn't going to be on top of u? I feel like that like at the end of the marriage I may not have a romantic relationship again coz in the end it felt like I was living with a best friend or a house mate and not my wife.u biggest thing is feeling lost and not knowing what to do when I come home.

randomx
Community Member

Gday james , yeah , l hear ya.

And on a side note just to anyone l'm sprry if l repeated things through the thread but the thing is , the longer l live here the more those kinda features about it all just keep blowing me away.

But yeah your right james , right person you don't feel that so much. my ex w was brilliant like that in our first 10 ro 15yrs, but then she seemed to get a bit neurotic or something and be in my face everywhere anytime , so it sure depends on your partner. But the right one yeah , and that's one thing l'm really struggling with, l really miss it.

My gf ,after divorce , was also great like that, we were just so into each other that we'd hardly be separated around the house. Some people will bug you like that but others will just gell.

l miss it all.