Jealousy taking control of my fiancé to the point of me becoming suspicios

[Hstar]

I have been with my fiancé for almost 5 years and I have lately been overwhelmed with jealousy and controlling behaviour to the point that I’m stopping myself going out with friends so he will do the same . 
I don’t like him going to work events incase someone he becomes more interested in . 
and I’m becoming super stressed angry and jealous about so many things . 
I feel I need help as our relationship is almost at breaking point and I can’t afford a psychologist . 
I need strategies to get me out of my own head space . 
I go to the gym regularly and I work a lot but when I’m alone and I hear of things he would like to do I am extremely jealous. 

[Sophie_M]

Hi Hstar,  We’re sorry to hear what you’ve been going through with your relationship. It sounds like it’s had some very serious impacts on your wellbeing. We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you.  In a healthy relationship, both people should be communicated with and treated with respect, so it might be worth having a look at the 1800Respect pages on healthy relationships. It sounds like it could be useful to have a chat with one of the lovely people at 1800Respect to discuss how you’ve been feeling with your partner. They're on 1800 737 732, or you can reach them on online chat, here.  You could also speak to Relationships Australia on 1300 364 277.  
 
It sounds like it's really having an impact on how you're feeling day to day, so please know that there’s always someone here for you to talk it through with. The Beyond Blue counsellors are available 24/7 on 1300 22 4636 or online. It's really important to be kind to yourself through this, so there's some tips for practicing self-care here.  Thanks again for sharing here. We’re sure you’ll hear from some other community members once they spot your thread. We appreciate your kindness and openness in sharing to the forums, and we hope you can be kind to yourself, too while you’re going through this difficult time.   Kind regards,   Sophie M 

[Juliet_84]

Hi Hstar,

The reality is that none of us can safeguard against cheating. If someone is going to do it and deceive you they will find a way. No amount of monitoring or invasion of privacy etc will safeguard against that. But you have to trust that if that should happen, as horrible as it would be, you are strong enough to overcome it and move on. The reality is that the best safe guard against cheating is a happy relationship. That’s not to say that is the absolute rule but just that constant conflict and a lack of intimacy can create an environment where someone feels disconnected and more open to finding connections elsewhere. Is there any reason why you feel insecure or out of control in your life or relationship to make you feel this way? Has something happened to you in a past relationship for example?

[HelloGail]

Hello Hstar

I thought a 2 year engagement was long (my sister) but 5 years is too long, this is a tell-tale sign that your relationship has not moved and maybe why you are starting to feel insecure. It sounds like you are a intuitive person which is good but the green creeper is hard to dislodge, I've been there. It is a terrible feeling and you can feel it creeping in, it sometimes surprises us but you love this guy so you have to really use some self discipline to win his heart back. We have to be generous, love is giving. You are stuck in between two hard rocks. Endurance. Give him the freedom to be himself but something must be causing these feelings, it may be time to bring it out in the open and talk with him as you are sufferring, hope it works out for the best.

[HelloGail]

Hey Hstar

I just remembered the saying, 'how do you eat an elephant, one bite at a time' and so we could say the same with jealousy, green creeper. I imagine jealousy as that long weed that grows around tree trunks eventually choking the tree; so one snip at a time to that dreaded weed. Stop making excuses, trust and go out with your friends. This may just be a little hurdle for you two.