Is there any hope that things will improve?

[EmmaSwan]

I’m sitting here in the dark and I feel like I have this invisible, all encompassing weight pressing down on my shoulders. So much so that I’m barely able to raise my head. All my life it’s just been me. My parents were abusive and from the moment I understood them they told me over and over again that I had ruined their lives. Up until two years ago I had my Nana who is the only person that ever loved or liked me. I married a man who ended up being almost exactly like my parents. I left him after he attacked our oldest but still little girl (she was 4). Now I raise my three little girls by myself. I’m so tired. And just beyond sad. I feel like I’ve doomed them to a life without family or support. Yes of course they have me however I only have me and honestly it’s getting harder and harder to keep going. I cry silently all of the time trying to hide all of my pain from my children. Knowing that I don’t have any help or support. Even just to have a hot tea while the baby is awake is a fantasy. It’s a burden that is becoming too much to bear. And if I can’t, how on earth will my little ones manage. How do people manage. I’m so tired of being the strong one but honestly there is no other choice. I never want to be in a relationship again. I won’t let anyone hurt me or my children ever again. Without family or close friends I just don’t see how I will manage and yet the thought of letting anyone close - I just can’t. Has anyone else lived through something like this and managed to make a positive life for their children, maybe even themselves or am I kidding myself? Is there any way out of this? Is there any hope that things get better? Or have I cursed my children to be as alone and devoid of hope as I am?

[Juliet_84]

Hi EmmaSwan,

I see things a little differently to you, you haven’t cursed your children at all. Rather you’ve removed them from a toxic situation and out of the hands of an abuser, despite that being all that you have ever known. Your road has by no means been easy but you did it anyway because you know that it is the right thing to do. And so you have given your children better than you had, any that is the most loving and selfless thing that a mother can do. They may not be surrounded by many people but they are surrounded by love. They will make their own friends and connections in time but at least now abuse won’t feel familiar to them when they go off to form their own relationships. You are such a strong and brave woman, and I wish that you could see that. I can see that even in your words. As far as practical help, I wonder if you could perhaps get some support from a woman’s shelter so that they can just help you a little bit. I would love to help a woman such as yourself who desperately deserves a break, perhaps it might be worthwhile looking into nearby volunteer programs, or maybe someone on here can advise?

[Sophie_M]

Hi EmmaSwan,

Welcome to the forums and thank you for sharing your story with us here. It takes a lot of courage to reach out for support, you also never know who will read this post and feel less alone in their own experiences. We are sorry to hear that you are feeling tired, beyond sad and don't have any supports around you right now. Please know that you never have to go through this alone, and support is always here for you.

If you would like to talk to someone we would recommend that you get in contact with the Beyond Blue Support Service. They are available 24/7 by phone on 1300 22 4636 or on Webchat 1pm-12am AEST on our website: www.beyondblue.org.au/getsupport  One of our friendly counsellors will be able to talk through these feelings with you and can offer support, advice and referrals.

If you feel it may be helpful, we’d also recommend reaching out to 1800RESPECT, who offer 24/7 confidential information, counselling and support. The lovely supportive counsellors have a lot of experience offering advice and support to anyone who has been through trauma like this. You can contact them on 1800 737 732 or visit https://www.1800respect.org.au/

We hope things improve shortly and we hope you keep the community updated as to how things go.

[Learn to Fly]

Hi EmmaSwan

It’s very, very difficult to see any positives when you are so, so tired. And the kids have their needs day and night, without a fail.
I commend you for finding time and strength to even write this post. You are not alone lovely.

So, because you are too exhausted to view yourself from a slightly different perspective, I am going to share with you what I have noticed after reading your story.

Against all the odds that had happened in your life, you had the courage and strength to leave an abusive relationship. You are fighting for a better future for yourself and your daughters. You are setting such an incredible example to them of a strong, loving and resilient woman who perseveres. You are brave. You always find time for your girls and they are your world. Yes, it can be utterly overwhelming but thanks to your courage you and your girls are leading life on new terms: of love, without living in fear, stress and any type of abuse from your ex nor anyone. You don’t have to explain anything to anyone or think about his anger or other destructive reactions. You set yourself and your girls free.

[emotionallydrained]

Hi EmmaSwan,

I too see it the same as Juliet and Learn to Fly. You are such a strong woman who has done what many woman only dream of being able to do - you have saved your children from a life where abuse is present. When they are old enough, you can tell them how, even though their circles might be small, they are strong and full of love. They will also see what you have done for them.

Please hang in there. I know it can be so hard when the circle of friends is so small. Do you go to any mother's groups or places where you can talk to other Mums? Maybe even a support group?
Also try and find a good, reliable baby sitter so you can have some time to yourself. Even if it's just to go and watch a move or have a coffee. There are local groups and boards where people advertise.

Look after yourself. A saying I've read many times "you can't pour from an empty cup". Try and do something for you if you can.