my cup is empty

[tashi]

im 28 yeara old , engaged with two yong children. 3 years ago my father died and i dont quite understand the greif , it doesn’t feel normal. i replay the weeks/days leading up to his death over and over in my head and it hurts all the time. on the other hand my partner is a chronic pain sufferer. this has become increasingly difficult on me and my family, including my poor fiancé. he has told me if its too much that he understands if i need to leave . but i don’t believe this is the answer to my problems. im exhausted. i dont know how to make things better, i cant fix any of this . i need to br a mum first and foremost and the rest ive got no idea

[Sophie_M]

 
Hi Tashi,
 
Thank you for your honest and open post around your difficulty in overcoming the grief of the loss of your father. We offer our condolences to you and your family.  We can hear that you are having a really tough time at the moment, we want you to know that it is ok not to feel ok. Have you been able to reach out to any supports such as a psychologist or a GP?
 
Is there anyone close to you that you’ve been able to open up to about how you feel?
 
If you are looking for someone specifically to speak to about your loss, we would recommend you contact Griefline, their counsellors are specifically trained in grief counselling and can speak to you between 6AM and Midnight AEST – 1300 845 745.
 
We also offer support through our service centre if you would like to give us a call on 1300 22 4636 to talk through these thoughts and feelings. We are open 24/7.
 
We appreciate you reaching out today, please keep us updated if you’d like about your experiences moving forward.
 

[geoff]

Hello Tashi, I'm really sorry to hear about your dad passing away and nobody can ever predict how long these feelings of your loss will last, unfortunately, but slowly over time what you’re experiencing will lessen as you accept the loss but he will always be your dad as well as a granddad.

I agree that leaving would not solve the problem, simply because you keep thinking about your dad and if you do go then the same problem will happen thinking about your finance, then you will have two problems that you reminisce about.

I'm not a doctor but can I suggest PTSD which can be treated by a psychologist, so ask your GP about the 'mental health plan', perhaps once this is overcome then you might feel stronger to get on with your life.

Your children if they are suffering can contact Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 by phone, webchat or online and these people adapt to whatever age your children are.

Can I ask whether your partner is receiving help for this chronic pain.

Hope to hear back from you.

Geoff.

[amberlite]

Hi tashi, reading your post gave me the impression that you are the family keeper and that maybe you are doubting your strength. I have no kids and my life is a bit different but I do get overwhelmed and if I do. What I tell myself is ' just do the next thing' and I do it so I say again 'just do the next thing'. When I am in a down patch I avoid making decisions because as things improve so does my thinking and we all want the best for our families. Is seeing a professional something you would consider? I saw a great doctor who helped me to figure out the choices that I could not see. I hope posting here has helped and I wish you good luck.

[tashi]

thanks for your reply . definitely feel like the family keeper . im aware i probably need some professional help im just not quiet there yet . afraid if i start the unravel all these feelings i might just fall apart completely

[geoff]

Hello Tashi, your therapist will try and get you to unravel all of this slowly, but they will be there to pick you up and give you a number of options until the next meeting.

Geoff.