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BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team will keep it anonymous, its still up for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

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Katie1234 Family estrangement - Need advice on how to deal with it.
  • replies: 8

In a nutshell, I have always had a strained relationship with my sister and mother, we are just very different people with different values. I reported my sister to Child Protection over substance addiction, and a magistrate agreed her child was at r... View more

In a nutshell, I have always had a strained relationship with my sister and mother, we are just very different people with different values. I reported my sister to Child Protection over substance addiction, and a magistrate agreed her child was at risk in her care, now she has to be supervised with her child. My mother and sister are very upset about my report, saying I should have trusted them to deal with the substance use, though I know she had fallen off the wagon while pregnant multiple times. They are also upset I talked to Child Protection about her partner and concerns about things he said. It's a very long story but no one is doubting my report is accurate, they just think I should have kept quiet. Now my sister is refusing to ever see me or my family again unless I write her partners family a formal letter of apology and apologize to her. The problem is I don't feel I can do that. I am sorry for the situation her family is in and I hope it improves, but I feel I made the right decision in reporting and my report was completely honest so I'm not sorry I did it. Now my Mother has told me all family events are cancelled until I fix the situation with my sister, and she believes the onus is on me, not my sister, to fix our relationship. My father (divorced) and other sister both agree the situation is out of hand and that I should not need to apologize. So basically the whole family is going to pay for this. My other sister and dad will suffer for not being able to have whole family functions. My kids will suffer because they love their family and have no idea about the arguing (I'd like to leave them out of it). Mum and sister are upset my husband did not stop me from reporting and are now saying he is no longer welcome at family events, so they won't let him have Christmas with our children. I think this is toxic, and they are holding me to emotional ransom but If I don't play along, everyone else suffers. I just feel like I can't do this any more. I just want to cut ties completely, and after periods of non communication in the past my mental health has improved. But this is the easy, selfish way out for me, everyone else will pay for it. Has anyone else been through estrangement like this? Did you try family counseling? If so did it help? Any advice? I feel like a support group would really help me, does this exist for adult family estrangement? Thank-you for any advice or support people can offer.

Ally012 Emotionally Exhausted.
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, Thank-you for having me here. I hope that I can gain some insight on how to emotionally protect myself from this. First of all, it's one of those MIL treads...so if this isn't relevant or disinterests you, I'm warning you now. It's been ... View more

Hi Everyone, Thank-you for having me here. I hope that I can gain some insight on how to emotionally protect myself from this. First of all, it's one of those MIL treads...so if this isn't relevant or disinterests you, I'm warning you now. It's been a long and windy road. At first my MIL appeared to be the most kind, caring, compassionate, generous person who would go above and beyond for her family and friends with wanting nothing in return. My husband and I have been married for 8 months but her behaviour has dramatically accelerated since. Though I feel like there were always red flags along the way. E.g. When my husband and I met with our celebrant, my MIL attended our intimate meeting and sat on the same side as my husband and proceeded to give him a very long hug after we had finished as though it was her wedding. I noticed she would hug my husband for a long time in front of me. It never bothered me in the beginning, I respected the relationship they had. Fast forward, the month before our wedding my MIL rung up my husband about a potential house for sale 50 m down the road from her house. We live 4 hours away. I had my reservations but my husband insisted we do a walk through so we did. We decided it was not meant to be as the loan fell through and we weren't even looking...we were about to get married and had that to focus on. However, in that same week, MIL rang up my husband and said how great of a deal it was and that she had took out some of her super to help contribute a the remaining amount we couldn't get a lone for. I still had my reservations about the loan from MIL and suggested that my husband and I wait until we could afford something. She wouldn't let up and ended up convincing us that it was a no strings attached loan - but boy was I wrong! She completely took over the house. She painted it the colour she wanted, did the floors the way she wanted, re-done the kitchen in the way she wanted (at our expense) and told everyone she was the owner and that she had loaned us money for it. She would often call my husband up about it but not me. When I spoke to her about it and leaving things for us to decide as a couple, she was "respectful" and I thought she had listened. However, two days later she had done something else without our consent. I confronted her again and she said "I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway, so there's nothing you can do about it". That was one instance and I have ran out of characters for the rest.

Strong_guy Feel like leaving partner, sexual and intellectual problems.
  • replies: 23

so i have written and deleted this message like 5 times, it just goes for ever. short story, 2 years together, 6 month old son, feeling unattracted to partner who got fat and wont do anything about it, while im 26 and attractive and look like a fit g... View more

so i have written and deleted this message like 5 times, it just goes for ever. short story, 2 years together, 6 month old son, feeling unattracted to partner who got fat and wont do anything about it, while im 26 and attractive and look like a fit guy in the gym. sex life is broken havent had sex in like 12 months barely touched me. like 5 times if that. we dont kiss or hug and most of the time it feels forced. i just look around and see all the pretty healthy girls that are not 30kg heavier then me that i want to protect and go do fun things with, one that is smart and energetic and one that still has passion for me and herself. love my son and care about this chick but feel like i only live once and if i dont do anything about it i am wasting my life not being happy. even though leaving will be hard and painful for a short time, i feel like i need to get out and meet someone who is more like me, active in the mind and body, someone who reads books and has opinions on things and works towards goals ect. not just a fat netflix bad food binger who only ever talks about negative things like bad day at work, general running down people that you dont like stuff is all we can talk about. she acted like she was like me and put on a big show for me but then when we started dating and becoming offical it all went out the window. i dont want to hold her, kiss her, have sex with her and sacrifice my freedom for her anymore. i feel like theres so many girls all around this area that just make me really excited to look at, i see them playing sports and doing really well and being happy and fun and my girl is just giving up not interesting, and just puts her head in the sand. basically looking like im going to say i have had enough and dont think this is going to ever give me the same feeling as it did when we first started and just say ill always be there to support u and the son ect. but i need to go and do other things coz this is not working anymore.

gucia6 Cutting family "ties"
  • replies: 8

Hello Everyone, I have been recently struggling with contact with my parents. We never had a good relationship with them anyway. When I was a kid I avoided any close contact with them. I really cannot remember why though. I pretty much wanted to disa... View more

Hello Everyone, I have been recently struggling with contact with my parents. We never had a good relationship with them anyway. When I was a kid I avoided any close contact with them. I really cannot remember why though. I pretty much wanted to disappear, thinking nobody would probably even notice. The times when I had a partner my mum didn't approve were not better. Being called names, told I was unworthy and that no-one would want me anyway, and that I have to endure this relationship and take responsibility for my choices, and not breaking up with him when she told me to do so. I was just 16-17yo then. And I bloody believed in what she said, and sank deeper in the abuse that almost ended with taking and shortcut to end this misery. And my dad was just a physical figure avoiding any troubles, just sitting there, and letting my mum put me through the mud, stepping in only at the times when she was upset after our arguments, telling me that I should apologize, that she is worried about me. Since I had a break down couple of months ago, and I finally started understanding my issues and reasons for them, I have real difficulties to pick up the phone and chat with them. I am too angry, feeling too hurt, nauseous with the thought that I should respect them because they are my parents. (As a kid I sometimes hoped I was adopted) I'm sick when someone tells me, that they couldn't be so bad, that they tried to do their best to raise independent and responsible adult. But as a result there is an ungrateful and defected product they didn't wish for. Probably if I was physically and/or sexually abused, or there was alcohol and/or drugs involved it would feel more justified to just say 'Goodbye'. But after all, they provided for me, I had clean bed, roof over my head, 3 meals a day. Thanks to them I was able to learn music, and I am really grateful for that. But I just can't get myself to love them only for this. I only feel obligated to talk to them, because it is expected. But I always feel overwhelmed and hypervigilant around them, always having my own parenting judged, always walking on shells around my mother, to not upset her. I hate this feeling, that even though I am 36yo adult I still feel like unworthy little kid, that doesn't know her place and has no opinion. And the thought of cutting the contact completely gives me this feeling, that I am the bad daughter, when they did do much for me. And how come I am angry at them, when they worry so much. Regards G

Sophie225 Any advice around coping when unable to separate right now
  • replies: 3

Hi all, I am stuck in a situation where I am currently unable to leave my husband, as I have lost my job due to COVID-19 and have been struggling to find work. I have gone from a very good, well paid job, to now earning nothing. So I am stuck in an e... View more

Hi all, I am stuck in a situation where I am currently unable to leave my husband, as I have lost my job due to COVID-19 and have been struggling to find work. I have gone from a very good, well paid job, to now earning nothing. So I am stuck in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship until I am able to find a full time job and support me and my kids (they're adults so I can't get any support from government), Some days I can put it to the back of my mind and try and remain optimistic, and some days I feel really down so applying for more jobs becomes even more of a struggle when I've already done over 100 applications. I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to stay positive, and how to cope while I am stuck in this position? Or if anyone else has been in a similar position? (The atmosphere isn't great so I am constantly trying to keep the peace) Thanks in advance

Ijustwanttobeaccepted I feel alone.
  • replies: 1

Im feeling down most of the time. My mom is overbearing and tries to control me with my decisions even if im in my 30s. If she gives advice, you have to follow it or else she gives you cold shoulder. I want to live on my own but at the same time i fe... View more

Im feeling down most of the time. My mom is overbearing and tries to control me with my decisions even if im in my 30s. If she gives advice, you have to follow it or else she gives you cold shoulder. I want to live on my own but at the same time i feel i cant especially right now when families need to be together. At work, im good at what i do.. im not perfect but i know im reliable.. but people don’t appreciate what i do.. i feel some people dont think highly of me because my job is only admin. Sometimes when they talk to you it’s as if you are stupid. My friends always tease me... i can take teasing but i feel like im the only being teased or made fun of... all of these experiences make me lose hope and hate myself for not being a good person. I don’t think highly of myself and don’t believe in myself.

ocean-man everything sucks
  • replies: 2

i didn't want to post this in any of the mental health forums because i was worried i'd end up breaking rules or something, and decided this was the next best place. almost every day goes by and i feel like i'm by myself in the world. people look ove... View more

i didn't want to post this in any of the mental health forums because i was worried i'd end up breaking rules or something, and decided this was the next best place. almost every day goes by and i feel like i'm by myself in the world. people look over me like i'm a background object, something they can just ignore when they feel it's appropriate. most people at my school never really talk to me so i end up alone with my thoughts most of the time. i'm always the one initiating conversations that end up lasting maybe 4 sentences long, usually not even that. and when someone does talk to me it's usually a "hello" and nothing else. nobody shows any real interest in being around me. sometimes i wonder if that feeling is justified. moreover, everybody seems to be moving ahead with their love lives and i'm still at square one. at least 10 people in my class have had a boyfriend/girlfriend before. meanwhile i'm sitting in the corner, thinking about how the most meaningful interaction with a girl i've ever had is one of the aforementioned 4-sentence-conversations. nobody shows any real interest in me in that sense, probably because i don't have a single clue how to interact with them without looking weird i'm ugly i share no common interests with anybody everybody's probably already taken anyway i want to talk about this with my friends but i don't feel comfortable speaking about it one-on-one, and even then i'm worried if i talk about this with my friends they'll just think i'm vying for attention, groan and then move on. i also don't want to speak to my parents about this because i know they'll find some way to turn the tables and make it seem like the whole ordeal is my fault. they try to ask me what's wrong, usually with "disappointed" tones, and i always dismiss it as "nothing" or "mood swings". i've read articles upon articles about being more sociable in hopes that i might find what i need to be accepted but i just can't muster myself to do what they say. i feel like an alien, like if i try to do something nice or friendly people will stare at me in disgust or call the police - or both. i imagine that even a simple hello will earn me a restraining order. i've always believed people in my class consider me the quiet kid and i'm so sick of it being that way. i want to be recognized and appreciated, not looked over. but i doubt that that will ever happen. sorry for the rant

Insatiableloneliness Am I asking too much?
  • replies: 2

Hi BB, I have been feeling increasingly anxious lately and feeling like I'm not wanted. My partner is someone who is not overly affectionate and I know this, which is difficult as I am a very affectionate person, particularly physically. I have felt ... View more

Hi BB, I have been feeling increasingly anxious lately and feeling like I'm not wanted. My partner is someone who is not overly affectionate and I know this, which is difficult as I am a very affectionate person, particularly physically. I have felt more than ok normally but recently there has been some trauma that has halted our physical intimacy and now without that I think it has been playing on me a lot more as there is little intimacy outside that. We have talked a about it but the main response is "I don't know how to help you without making myself ubvomfortable" which is something I wouldn't want to do. There's still laying on eachother on the couch, a quick kiss and an I love you occasionally, so why do I feel like this? I'm sure I'm not the only person who has gone through this. How can I go about removing this feeling? Does anyone have any strategies?

lonerLils Trust and Privacy
  • replies: 3

Hello! So basically I watch these youtubers and I'm pretty obsessed. They made this anthem so I translated it into like spanish so no one would know what it said and printed it out. I asked my mum not to question it. I'm in my room and she comes up w... View more

Hello! So basically I watch these youtubers and I'm pretty obsessed. They made this anthem so I translated it into like spanish so no one would know what it said and printed it out. I asked my mum not to question it. I'm in my room and she comes up with a piece of paper. She GOOGLE TRANSLATED IT and asked me to explain. It wasn't anything bad, I'm just so angry because I feel like I have no privacy. And I specifically said not to, in a serious tone. She promised she wouldn't. I'm so embarrassed and angry at her.

LonelyButterfly Forgotten by a friend
  • replies: 5

I am feeling very hurt and lonely at the moment. I had made plans to spend time with a friend, but when I got to her house, no one was home. I later got a text from her saying that she was out shopping and had forgotten that I was coming. The worst p... View more

I am feeling very hurt and lonely at the moment. I had made plans to spend time with a friend, but when I got to her house, no one was home. I later got a text from her saying that she was out shopping and had forgotten that I was coming. The worst part for me is that I sent her a text saying that I would be at her house in about an hour. I sent this message half an hour before she went shopping. I know this because she told me what time she went shopping. I don't get very much time to socialise, but when I do, I like forward to it. I also feel like I only have one friend to socialise with. I have lots of acquaintances. Except for my adult daughter and my two little boys, I don't have any family close to me.