everything sucks

[ocean-man]

i didn't want to post this in any of the mental health forums because i was worried i'd end up breaking rules or something, and decided this was the next best place.

almost every day goes by and i feel like i'm by myself in the world. people look over me like i'm a background object, something they can just ignore when they feel it's appropriate. most people at my school never really talk to me so i end up alone with my thoughts most of the time. i'm always the one initiating conversations that end up lasting maybe 4 sentences long, usually not even that. and when someone does talk to me it's usually a "hello" and nothing else. nobody shows any real interest in being around me. sometimes i wonder if that feeling is justified.

moreover, everybody seems to be moving ahead with their love lives and i'm still at square one. at least 10 people in my class have had a boyfriend/girlfriend before. meanwhile i'm sitting in the corner, thinking about how the most meaningful interaction with a girl i've ever had is one of the aforementioned 4-sentence-conversations. nobody shows any real interest in me in that sense, probably because

• i don't have a single clue how to interact with them without looking weird
• i'm ugly 
• i share no common interests with anybody
• everybody's probably already taken anyway

i want to talk about this with my friends but i don't feel comfortable speaking about it one-on-one, and even then i'm worried if i talk about this with my friends they'll just think i'm vying for attention, groan and then move on. i also don't want to speak to my parents about this because i know they'll find some way to turn the tables and make it seem like the whole ordeal is my fault. they try to ask me what's wrong, usually with "disappointed" tones, and i always dismiss it as "nothing" or "mood swings".

i've read articles upon articles about being more sociable in hopes that i might find what i need to be accepted but i just can't muster myself to do what they say. i feel like an alien, like if i try to do something nice or friendly people will stare at me in disgust or call the police - or both. i imagine that even a simple hello will earn me a restraining order.

i've always believed people in my class consider me the quiet kid and i'm so sick of it being that way. i want to be recognized and appreciated, not looked over. but i doubt that that will ever happen.

sorry for the rant

[Sophie_M]

Dear Ocean Man, 

We’re so grateful to have you reach out to our community this morning and are so sorry to hear about how you are feeling at the moment. Times like this can definitely get overwhelming. We hope that you find our forums to be a safe and supportive space to talk through your thoughts and feelings. Our community is here for you. 

We hope you know that there is always help available to you, whether it's from our professional mental health counsellors Beyond Blue (available 24/7/365 on 1300 22 4636) or our friends at Lifeline (13 11 14) or the Suicide Call Back Service (1300 659 467).
Keep checking back in with us whenever you feel up to it. 

[Lillylane]

I’m so glad you’ve posted how you’re feeling. Can understand it’s difficult feeling alone with your own thoughts. It sounds like you’re worried about what people would think if you talk about this to them (family and friends). And this is holding you back.

I was considered the ‘quiet kid’ at school. And later on, ‘the quiet one’ at work. It can be so annoying! Because often people assume you have nothing to say or contribute.

And I guess, if we don’t say as much, others don’t know what WE’RE thinking. And this can make some people unsure in how to approach a quiet person.

I wonder if ‘quiet’ types tend to be the ‘observers’. You’re probably a great listener! This is a very admirable and sought-after quality. Especially when it comes to relationships by the way!

If I’m in a situation where talking is difficult, it can help by asking the other person questions about themselves or what’s been happening for them. People generally love talking about themselves, and it shows you are interested in THEM.

My hairdresser is amazing at this! It’s a learnt skill in putting other people at ease.

What sort of interests do you have?

Apart from shared interests, there’s also:
- shared experiences
- shared sense of humour

As for the boyfriend/girlfriend thing:
It will happen. We tend to be harshly critical of our own looks. There are other things that draw people together - see above re being a good listener 🙂

I may not have the answer you’re looking for, but I wanted to say hi and hope it helps to know you’re not the only one who has felt this way.