Any advice around coping when unable to separate right now

[Sophie225]

Hi all,

I am stuck in a situation where I am currently unable to leave my husband, as I have lost my job due to COVID-19 and have been struggling to find work. I have gone from a very good, well paid job, to now earning nothing. So I am stuck in an emotionally abusive and controlling relationship until I am able to find a full time job and support me and my kids (they're adults so I can't get any support from government),

Some days I can put it to the back of my mind and try and remain optimistic, and some days I feel really down so applying for more jobs becomes even more of a struggle when I've already done over 100 applications.

I am wondering if anyone has any suggestions for how to stay positive, and how to cope while I am stuck in this position? Or if anyone else has been in a similar position? (The atmosphere isn't great so I am constantly trying to keep the peace)

Thanks in advance

[uncut_gems]

Hi Sophie225,

This sounds like a really difficult (and frankly unenviable) position to be in. It's such a hard time to find a job given the state of the economy, even when that's not compounded by other problems at home. Playing peacekeeper all the time can be exhausting, having to always tiptoe around an abusive partner. Staying positive is the key these days, and while it may elude you some days, there are some things you can do to help. They may sound simplistic, but they are time-tested: exercise (the more vigorous the better), getting lost in fiction (movies, TV, books), getting out of the house as much as possible, listening to music, or starting a new hobby (especially one that keeps your hands and mind busy).

When things really get to be too much, you might reach out to a friend or loved one to talk, write down your feelings, or just come here on the forums to chat. Things are tough right now, and for you especially. You will get through this.

Best,

Gems

[Juliet_84]

Hi Sophie225,

It sounds like you’re doing everything you can at the moment. Your number 1 priority is obviously to get a job now so you can get out of that situation. In the meantime, I’d just emotionally disconnect - you can be pleasant, be courteous, but just be internally checked out. Call it self preservation! I’d also try and minimize hostile situations, so just go along with things for the sake of it even if it’s out of line and think of the end game. Of course I don’t mean staying in an abusive situation and if things are that bad, there are always shelters etc. or you could stay with a friend while you get back on your feet? I feel for you at the moment as it can be tough when it all goes to crap at once!!

[Helarctus]

Hello Sophie225,

You can always get out. No-one should ever be trapped in an abusive relationship.

Ideally you can land a job and then secure a place and move, current economic and environmental situation aside, this is not always easy. Especially when there is financial dependence and dependents involved.

When you have the chance,search the web, read up and make calls for more info. There are shelters that you can go to for space if you need to get away and there are more resources around, for example:

https://www.servicesaustralia.gov.au/individuals/subjects/family-and-domestic-violence

I like how the page has a massive button at the bottom so you can quick exit if you need to close it.

You are not alone, there are people who can help you work out the best way forward for you and yours.