Is my GF seeing another bloke

[Nate_2020]

Hey everyone, I’m pretty sure my GF is seeing another bloke and just wanted some clarity. I apologise in advance.

We dont live together and see each other 3-4 times a week and chat on apps or voice call at night. We are older. Im 48 and she is 65. Yes, a big age gap.recently her schedule, timing and messages have become not distant but last minute changes, going away more, a long time replying to messages and looking younger. New hair colour/cut, spray tan..Then the guarding of her phone, not returning call or messages in my presents and talking very general to how we normally talk has me thinking. I have to accept her answer of NO to me asking is she seeing/sleeping with another man. On Monday she dropped the I’m going away this weekend to see my friend and I’ll be back Tuesday. First I’ve heard about this Monday evening. Very short notice. Now today we spoke and she was packing and leaving tomorrow morning but is too busy to catch up and see me before she leaves. We talked over message and I said I’m happy to call over for a send off 2hrs of power but was shut down as too busy. Now I’ve been shut down till I here next from her. Writing this you must think I’m an idiot not seeing the picture but it’s clear what’s happening. I want closure but what am I best to do from here?

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

It is not a small problem, you are right to question this issue.

I'm a former private investigator that rarely but a few times was commissioned to inquire if a partner was seeing someone else. So that is an option you can use. Any changes you've been aware of in behaviour is enough to question what is happening.

The other method of tackling this is to treat same with same. If she is drifting and not supplying details freely about her movements (in the usual way) then treat it all that it's ok, that releases you into a non committed relationship that while is less ideal, it allows you without guilt to socialise with an open to other people type future until she is more open and honest. This is more ideal but some cant do it.

I wish you well and hope I've helped.

TonyWK

[trying_my_best]

Hi @Nate_2020 

I am sorry to hear you are having a hard time in your relationship at the moment. I know from personal experience when small changes happen all at once it can leave us feeling uncertain in our relationships. 

I also think it may be a good idea to evoke a conversation regarding your feelings of disconnection. I do this regularly with my partner (as we are long distance) and I find it to be very helpful with putting some of these feelings to rest, whether it turns out you need some more loving or the worst. 

I am wondering what you are doing to take care of you in this time? 

Wishing you the best 🫶