Is it possible for him to change the way he reacts to situations?

[Jadams57]

My ex and I have broken up and gotten back together a few times and now we have been apart for about 3 months. I guess i realised recently that all of our problems were caused because of his depression and my misconceptions about how to help/what my role should be as a significant other. Two of the three times we have broken up its because something got kind of blown out of proportion and he made a really bad decision. The most recent one being that I was speaking to him about something he had done that had upset me and he basically just spiraled and said that he thought we should break up because he felt like we were never going to get past a thing that had occurred in the past.

I guess my major question is do you think people with depression can change the way they react to situations? I want to get back together with him but the way he reacts to issues within the relationship just leaves me feeling like he doesn't care about me and like I am nothing to him. He later regretted the decision he had made, but he had also never thought of breaking up with me before that moment and the way he just flipped and suddenly thought we should break up just made me feel so worthless. If he was able to handle situations better then I think it might be possible for us to try again.

I don't know what to do. I want to be with him because the only thing I feel that is holding us apart is his depression but I also can't walk into something that is going to leave me feeling like that again.

[Guest_7403]

Of course he can, medication and a good psychologist to help him deal with his issues and teach him how to react differently when confronted with things he doesn't know how to deal with.

Also needs to ackowledge his depression and have a willingness to try

[Jadams57]

He is already on medication, eating healthy, exercising lots and seeing a therapist (although not regularly)

[quirkywords]

Jadam,

Welcome to the forum. It can be difficult coping with someone with depression but it is also very difficult having depression and being full of self loathing and often saying the wrong thing to loved ones.

Have you ever spoken with your ex about his depression when he is not depressed? When one is depressed it is not the time to making changes or talking about behaviour that upsets. If you both can express how you feel about behaviour that upsets each other. Talk openly what helps and what does not help.

Thanks for sharing your story.

I just read your second post? Is he seeing a counsellor?

Quirky

[Jadams57]

Hi quirky,

thanks for your response.

Yes he is seeing a counsellor (started when we were in a relationship) but would tend to stop seeing them if things looked like they were going well.

Yeah we have spoken about but not we have never really acknowledged it as having an impact on the relationship. Until recently i think i didnt really understand how much of an impact it had on his life and he very much had the mentality of he didnt want me to treat him differently because of the depression. I guess we kind of swept it under the rug and things were going well for 3 months straight so i guess i kind of forgot about it.

I guess I'm scared to go back to him because I'm scared of getting hurt again. I know now that there is a lot that i could have done differently to handle the situation but I mean hindsight is always a wonderful thing. I dont know what will happen next and how we would be able to handle it