I Will Never Understand Why They Treat Me This Way

Gamechanger · ‎09-05-2023

I am almost 60 years of age. I have a twin sister. She and I have never gotten along. She was always a bully when we were kids. She sided with our brothers and the three of them made my life hell. Mum and Dad were very neglectful and did not do anything about this behaviour.

As the years have gone by she has continued to be rude, uncaring, mean and downright nasty towards me. As I am a sensitive person I have not confronted her. I cannot actually believe the negative impact she has on my life. She is sanctimonious, judgemental, never validates me. She enjoys seeing me struggle with life and she never helps. All she does is judges me and tells me what I do wrong and tells me I am a loser basically. I have had a tough life and she sits back and smirks at me. Although I have managed to have my son (IVF) and sacrifice my beautiful home and life in 2007 as my husband was a violent alcoholic. I have a lovely home and my son is a beautiful person. I have done all of this on my own with zero help from her or my mother. I feel my whole life means nothing to them.

Dad died years ago but now Mum is in her eighties and my twin sister has taken it upon herself to dote on Mum. They are as thick as thieves. I feel so lonely and unloved. My sister has always tried to hurt my feelings and she has lately been doing some really bad gaslighting stuff. I am struggling in general and her actions are making me feel so bad. She and Mum are still the same in that they stick together and exclude me. I am supposed to care about them but I hate them. I have never been treated well by either of them. I have had some horrid traumas in my life and neither of them gave me any care or consideration. I am writing this because I feel I have to dump them from my life. They bring no happiness. Only shame and guilt. Nothing I do is good enough for them. They ridicule me and never validate me. I think now looking back she was sick at birth and Mum was obsessed with her and neglected me. It is crazy that they bother and upset me so much at my age but I really am struggling over what to do. For what it is worth they both got very ill with Covid over Xmas and I was running around after them for weeks. They were never there when I had my shoulder operation, my laparotomy and indeed my c section. I just can't understand why. I have done nothing wrong. I am so distressed. I have a shit job and no life.

Gamechanger · ‎13-05-2023

Thankyou. Your words are so lovely and I am feeling so much stronger from the help I have received from this site and the beautiful people on it!

HelloGail · ‎14-05-2023

Gamechanger My sister is not a twin but was well known to be my mother's favourite, we too never got along. I guess I knew I was not my mother's favourite and her love rubbed off onto my older siblings and for years I have spent many a christmas alone when they all party with my younger sister by 18 months. So it wowed me to read your post so similar.

Gamechanger · ‎15-05-2023

I am so sorry to hear. It is horrible isn't it. Sending you a hug. xx

HelloGail · ‎15-05-2023

Thank you Game Changer my brother use to call me weak because I was so sensitive, now I am not ashamed anymore and wear it like a badge; if only I knew then when I was young, wasted my time worrying about it.

Croix · ‎15-05-2023

Dear Game Changer and HelloGail~

It might be both of you could be interested in a book mentioned to me years ago by ex-champ While Rose

https://forums.beyondblue.org.au/t5/staying-well/helpful-books-and-resources/m-p/206993/highlight/tr...

I found a very cheap copy on the internet (about $14 if I remember) and was most impressed wiht the author's view of Highly Sensitive People. True that can have disadvantages but once you recognize it you realise it is indeed a strenght, and allows one to see what others cannot -a very necessary attribute.

As one myself it ended up making me me feel a lot better about my reactions to some people and situations.

Croix

Gamechanger · ‎17-05-2023

Thanks so much I have ordered it! xx

Croix · ‎17-05-2023

Dear Gamechanger~

It is marvelous how a different point of view can take what one perceives as weaknesses or fault and allows them to be seen in a completely different light. I found a lot of this in the book and hope you do too.

It is a bit like a text book but worth wading though

Croix

Gamechanger · ‎19-05-2023

Dear Croix

I am sad as I took the time to see my mother. Brought her a beautiful jacket for her birthday and took her to lunch. The entire time she spoke about her life. Never mentioned anything at all going on in my life except to say that she I apparently 'get worked up about nothing' and 'you cannot seem to relax and sit still'? Well how am I to relax and sit still when I am driving her to the beach for a lunch that I paid for but cannot afford? As for the getting worked up....I have had a stalker here and am very scared. But apparently it is nothing to worry about and I am being a drama queen. She mentioned that my sister had been to visit her earlier...I know for a fact my sister normally spends time there so I can only imagine that when she found out I was going to be there she ran. Mother then said 'oh your sister said to say hello to you'?.

I have come home feeling like a bag of rubbish but I will say that I am NOT DOING IT ANYMORE. I guess I wanted another kick in the teeth to feel allowed to be this way. I am quite sure you totally understand where I am coming from. I really am only looking out for me going forwards. I have done nothing but good and when I am constantly slagged and sledged and ridiculed..... it is finally goodbye. I will ring mother once a week. I will not go out of my way to see her and as for my sister....I am not going there.

I thank you for your support.

Croix · ‎19-05-2023

Dear Gamechanger~

As I guess you know, being extra nice to some people simply makes matters worse. You get no appreciation or acknowledgment for your kindness, rather the reverse. I suspect you are going to try to change, though it will be hard. The habits of a lifetime looking after your mother and family are hard to break. You feel you 'ought to' do things.

People tend to expect others to act as they do, and if your nature is a kindly and thoughtful one you expect others to do the same - sadly often not true.

Do you think you will try it for a while without getting sucked back into old ways? Perhaps set a time of one month and then take stock of how you have been feeling?

Croix

Gamechanger · ‎21-05-2023

Hi Croix

Thanks for your care and response.

I have decided to do just that..take a big step back for one month. Phone call only to Mother. Sister has ignored me for two weeks now as she did not like me sticking up for myself. Oh well I am glad. Less drama. Just makes me really angry now.

I have a lot of positives coming my way. I am too paranoid to mention here in case my sister is stalking me; which she tends to do. I know....sounds nuts but it is true sadly.

So I will endeavour to look after myself first. Start treating myself better. I am a very strong person deep down. I know I can overcome this. If all fails and they block me off forever I don't actually care.

Take care.