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Micro cheat by wife, over thinking it?

John55
Community Member

Hi guys,

Feeling a bit lost at the moment, I've been with my wife for 16yrs married for the last 6 years.

I went to use her tablet the other day and when I went to google it showed a ton of seraches for relationship tips for Sagittarius and Libra (she's a Libra).

Was confused as this isn't my star sign, the searches were like "how to know if a sagittarius like you" how to identify sexual tension" "signs he likes you" "sexual traits of sagittarius" "are sagittarius attarced to woman in a relationship" and on, and on, and on it went.

There were lots more but my heart sank after seeing this, our relation ship is good and our sex life is good also, was blown away a bit after seeing this.

I confronted her about it and she ended up telling me the Sagittarius was a friend of a friend that I haven't met but she has a couple of times, he said some nice things to her and she said she was just being silly, all in her head and that it was nothing.

She went out with some friends 2 weeks ago, ended up out late with two friends who are a couple till 3:30am at a house party. When I asked her the next day she said she was with just our two friends as I was worried she was at a random party with no one she knew and maybe having a few two many. She seemed a little funny that day when I asked her who she was with.

Now after confronting her about these google searches it turned out she was not only with our two friends (guy & girl, bf/gf) but also with this sagittarius guy all night and ended up at the party with him and he called her a uber home also.

She admited she lied about this as she knew it was wrong but it still hurts as I've been hurt by the one person I've always felt safe, never to be hurt by.

I'm not sure where this would of ended up if I hadn't caught this, I've been calm about it and understanding and she's cried a ton, I just can't think that she may have ended up lying and hanging out with this guy with one thing leading to another, making out and possibly cheating down the road.

what are your thoughts, this has really thrown me off, this is so unexpected and just left me speechless, it doesn't feel like her, I feel like not letting her off the hook about it easily, I feel I want her to feel terrible but this is my wife who I love, the feelings go away but when the re-surface all I can think of is how far this could of gone. I know who the guy is and of course have looked him up on fb, I'm sure he's a really cool guy but this has made it really hard.

Thanks.

4 Replies 4

geoff
Champion Alumni
Champion Alumni

Hello John, and thanks for posting your comment and welcome to the site.

This friend of a friend is a worry and maybe she was seeing him while she was going out with some friends 2 weeks ago, and ended up at this house party with 2 friends you know till 3.30 am and if you think she seemed to act in a funny way, does this prove that she might have done something she shouldn't have done, it does seem to be suspicious and if you hadn't caught her out, then who knows what the future could entail.

Although she's cried it still doesn't stop him from trying to contact her in some way and although she may try and avoid his contact, persistence may prevail.

If it was me, I'd be contacting this fellow and telling him to stop being in contact with your wife, otherwise, your marriage is in jeopardy, and that's certainly what you want to avoid, but it doesn't stop there, every time your wife wants to go out, either at night or during the day, you'll be thinking where is she going, and to suggest couple counselling may or may not be the solution, and I say this only because my wife and myself had this type of counselling and on many occasions it's successful, but ours not so, that doesn't mean you shouldn't try it.

I'd like to hear back from you when you're available so we can continue.

Geoff.

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi John, welcome

I agree with Geoff on this except I wouldn't contact that guy. The responsibility is hers and she should morally be refraining from mingling with any other person.

I'd ignore her tears. She needs a wake up call. Harsh treatment on her from you now can be your insurance for the future that it doesn't happen again. She'll know the consequences. I'd also insist on counseling so everything is exposed.

Harsh but fair on you.

TonyWK

Guest_3256
Community Member

Hi my friend.

Hope you are okay and I can defiantly empathize with you and how much it must make you feel right now.

Please seek some assistance for yourself and try to look after your health as much as possible while you navigate your partners concerns.

Having open communication can defiantly help to find an adequate solution to these types of issues and setting some clear-cut boundaries will also help to have both parties meet each others needs and an understanding of the relationship dynamic.

If your partner done something that she shouldn't have, it might be a good idea to find out why she did it because sometimes people make silly choices instead of talking about how they feel. This could be due to several reasons such as feeling neglected, not feeling desired or cared for.

Talk with her and find out how she feels and what can be done to make her resolve this issue.

Hey guys,

 

So as you can read the history of this above I've caught my wife out on another lie over the past week, it wasn't to do with a guy but she lost something of mine and tried replacing thinking I wouldn't know, she bought the wrong version of the item and I freaked out as she had been telling me for weeks that she left my stuff at a friend's house and then when she bought them home she even mentioned that she met up with another friend to grab them off her.

None of this was true and it was going on for weeks.

I was on my own when I realised she lied about everything and I had a flash back to 2 freaking yrs ago where all this bs started.

I freaked out and my kind went to "shes probably lying about other stuff too".

She has been spending time with another guy for work and mentioning him a lot and when they spent all day on a filming project they went and had dinner, she did invite me it because forgive her for all of this I was fine and said nah you I'm all good, as in I trust you to have dinner with a guy who I haven't met.

Now I feel like a fool, have I been too trusting? I feel like I'm being taken advantage off, I told her other guy would have serious problem with their wife spending time with other guys like this, I don't want to be like that.

This new lie had made me doubt everything and I'm so annoyed as were were all good before all of this and I  cant help but want to deep down blame for for messing our marriage up over other guys, who I know, who we see out, I have to picture the guys in my mind getting close to my wife, nit some movie star crush, a guy who I'm talking to at a party.

It has made me question did I ever really forgive her, I feel like I possibly shut down emotionally after finding out she lied and said she had a crush on this other guy years ago and I possibly have never been the same since.

I've never been to a therapist but I'm booking in to one today to help.

I just don't know what to do, the person I love the most has screwed our relationship and after what came down to a lie causing that, she lies again!