I want to break up with my girlfriend of 2.5years but I don’t have the guts.

[displayname3]

I love my girlfriend so much but I just can’t see me being with her for the rest of my life as we have so many issues and and I don’t think she’s the one for me. The only problem is I met her at a point in my life when I had 0 friends, wasn’t getting along with my parents and she became my only friend and her family was the family I needed. Since then we have moved in together at my house living separately upstairs above my parents and we go to see her family every weekend. We adopted a cat together just before we moved in together as well. I’m at such a low point in my life that Ive quit all my jobs because the stress was just too much and I’m living off my savings and have no Centrelink or anything. I’m not studying and I have no friends except my girlfriend. I don’t get on well with my parents most of the time except maybe my mum. I’ve stopped playing sports and going to the gym and basically everything else I enjoy. If I was to break up with my girlfriend I would have absolutely nobody. I would lose her, her family, maybe our cat since we wouldn’t wanna try and share a cat. Even if I did keep our cat I would still feel guilty that our cat has lost his mum and he wouldn’t know what happened to her. If we broke up we’d also have to go through the entire ordeal of moving all my girlfriends stuff back to her house and then explaining to her family that I wanted the break up. I know I need to end of the relationship but I’m so terrified of everything that will follow that instead I’ve just been desperately trying to repair how broken our relationship is instead. I feel so trapped and I don’t know what to do.

[Sophie_M]

Hi displayname3, 

It sounds like it’s been a really difficult time for you, and it must be really hard to understand and process how you're feeling. It sounds like you care for them deeply and but are trying to manage your mental health. We’re glad you could share this here, as our lovely community will have kindness, advice and understanding for you.  Is there anyone that you feel able to talk to about this? It sounds like you could really do with talking things through, so please don’t hesitate to give the lovely Beyond Blue counsellors a call on 1300 22 4636 or speak to them on webchat here. There are also some really good pointers here for staying connected, and finding support through a trying time.  
  It is wonderful that you have been able to reach out for support here on the forums, it must have been difficult to write this post, but you never know who might read it and feel less alone in their own experience. Please keep sharing whenever you feel comfortable to do so. We hope our warm and kind community will spot your post and offer their support soon.   Kind regards,  Sophie M 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I think Sophie's advice to see someone to help you through this is good.

Imagine carrying out this separation with kids involved, I mention this as many people have to face the music and carry out actions that does indeed take "guts". Regardless of failing mental health it is actions of responsibilities that have to be done and I'd go as far to suggest that if this cant be faced then avoiding relationships is an option for the future as all relationships have these challenges. 

I've had 3 past relationships all over 7 years duration, one with 2 young kids involved. The difficulty doesnt get less, but the manner that I went about each split was to think about the time following the move out, the furniture removal and so on, a time of wind down and relaxation. It's then a big relief.

Also, consider a removalist. You do not have to answer to her parents in any way, you are a mature grown up. 

Yes, I'd allow her to have thee cat, it is by no means a small issue, animals are equal to humans.

I would also develop a medium term plan that would include living independently from your parents which might lead to a closer relationship with them. Following that I'd plan my life with introduction of sports, hobbies, clubs and so on because although it is understandable that you lead a semi shy life, you would also know that its your actions and decisions that make your life fulfilled and fun. Such changes could lead to a more successful relationship with someone special.

BTW. If you separate, allow her to let off steam and refrain from criticism, it wont be easy for her. Sometimes silence is best and a few words that express you do care. It wont be easy, nor are many other actions in life that we face.

Thankyou for posting, it might help others in a similar situation.

TonyWK