I want him to come home.

[Cloudydays1]

I have been in a two year relationship with a guy who I thought was the one. We met in my home town, lived there for six months together, then decided to move across the country to his home town. At first, we lived with his parents which was really hard for me. I didn’t feel comfortable there, and it took me a couple of months to find work. My whole life had changed and I felt I lost my sense of security and my identity. I didn’t have any friends or family here, and my concerns put stress on the relationship.

After a couple of months, I ended up getting a job and we ended up getting our own place which we have been in for 9 months. Things have been much better. Over the last couple of months, I have been stressed with work and my stresses has negatively affected the relationship. I have been working on those issues. We have had a couple of arguments, but resolved things as they were not major issues.

Two weeks ago, when we were on holiday, we had another argument - I wanted to spend quality time with him as I felt that’s what our relationship needed. He acted bizarrely when I asked him to organise something for us, he seemed unwilling and his attitude upset me. I ended up getting angry and upset. He packed his things and he left me, flew home, packed his essential items and left our home.

I have spoken with him over the phone and met him face to face over the weekend. He said the relationship is over and he doesn’t see me in his future anymore. He said he loves me but is not in love with me. I poured my heart out and told him that I love him and I don’t think this was worth ending our relationship over and wanted to move forward. I apologised for the things I said before he left and promised him I would work on things. I asked him if we could put the past behind us and go and have fun together and start fresh. He said, “I’m not saying no, but I’m not saying yes either”.

I am still living in our home, with all of our things. I want him to come home and want to work things out. I don’t know how to go about it. I am not coping very well.

[Guest_1584]

Yeah ,l get the going backwards feeling.

Thing is , do you like it there where you are , is it better than home ? That way if you do stay bf or no bf , your doing something better than your old life bc you like it more , yaknow, Just try to picture it as with , or without him there, do you still like it. ?

If you don't get back together but you like it there , you'll be fine even if you do bump into him. l live 17 mins over from my ex w of 20yrs , saw her this morng picking up my daughter , been seeing her last 5yrs, and the bf , still feels like crap. But for such a short relationship then, you'll be fine later whether get back together or not if you like it there and want to stay regardless.

But l'd be really surprised if he's not knocking on the door soon. Yknow, usually such hot headed decisions aren't what a person really wants , just a hot head .

But ,could be wrong , he must be a prideful stubborn bastard that he's not back already , or , he really did want out. Sorry CD , can't tell for sure.

[Cloudydays1]

It's been four weeks tomorrow since he left me. Since our conversation two weeks ago, I haven't heard from him or reached out to him. I have thought about it but have fear of being hurt and being forced to leave our home (he will ask me what my plans are - and I'm still not sure).

I have been applying for new jobs but am thinking I might need to go home because I don't want to be alone here. I feel like I have social anxiety and don't want to go anywhere. I called in sick to work today because I didn't want to get out of bed and deal with people.

I thought if I stayed, I might be able to build a new life for myself here. At the moment, I can't find happiness in anything I do.

I have deactivated Facebook as he has not changed his relationship status or images of us. I can't look at it anymore. It gives me hope that he's not ready to give up on us yet. I am trying to accept that he is not coming back.

[White_Rose]

Four weeks probably sound like an eternity to you. It seems he really does want to leave and I am so sorry you are in such pain. It's probably best if you leave the next contact up to him as he was the person who initiated the separation.

I see your dilemma about staying or going. Can you write all your reasons in a pros and cons list? It may make it easier to decide. You need to leave the happiness card out of the list as as you will not know in advance if one or other option will give you happiness. Great you have deactivated FB.

Building a new life sounds like a good idea. Do you have any friends that are not friends of the ex? A different option may be to move to somewhere that can offer you more and/or better job prospects? I know this puts you on your own still and in a strange place but if you can find a job before you go it may solve some of those dilemmas. You know you will not bump into him in the street and neither will you be reminded by seeing the places you were together. I have suggested this as an option but I'm not sure it's a good one. In any event it's a suggestion that you may find OK. Sometimes the best option is to do nothing until life looks a little brighter.

Please do not look for happiness at the moment. The word has all sorts of connotations but you are just not ready to be happy. Does that sound mean? Not meant to be. You need to grieve for your lost dream which is always hard. Your hurt will go away, it always does unless someone deliberately hangs on to it. When your hurt has lost it's rawness, when you can touch it without pain you will be ready to move on. I wish I could tell you how long this will be but it varies for everyone.

Keep on keeping on.

Mary