I've left it too late to grieve

[Guest_91547590]

A few years ago I lost every one close to me, not all at once but within a few months period. Tragic accidents, undiagnosed illnesses, suicide and so forth, I couldn't grieve for any of them because at the time I had a child in hospital a house full of distant family members taking advantage of me and a job. My problem is I have all this greif left, so heavy on my chest that I feel I suppressed so long that I can't deal with it. Like as if the time to deal with it has passed and now the weight of it is permanent. I just really miss the person I was before all of this. I want to feel happiness again take enjoyment in things I use to. I know I've pushed away the living.

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Hello - I am sorry you are going through this. I think seeing a psychologist could be very helpful to you. You can get a mental health plan from the gp to make them more affordable. I think it is so hard to be the person you were before but important to have strategies so it doesn’t overwhelm you. Even talking through things with someone who is non judgmental and empathetic can make a positive difference. Psychologists also help with different strategies. I have recently started seeing one and finding it helpful. Traumatic and difficult experiences can lead you to pull away from others - that is a natural response. I think working with a psychologist may help you to move forward in a positive way over time

[sbella02]

Hey, thank you so much for reaching out, welcome. It sounds like you could really use some community support at the moment, so I'm hoping you can find some comfort here. 

Firstly, I'm so sorry for your losses. How awful. And to not have had much of a chance to sit with that grief, it makes sense that it's all coming back up now. Your body and mind have not had the chance to do so as you've had so much else to manage.

You can think of your emotions, or your grief specifically, like a beach ball floating in a pool - the more we may try to push down that beach ball, in the interests of managing other tasks, the harder the beach ball will bounce back up to the surface. 

Grief doesn't have a timeline, and it is also not a linear journey. The progression may seem like you're going backwards and forwards simultaneously. You can take as long as you need to process what has happened and feel that devastation, however it comes. Sadness, anger, frustration, guilt, that grief may manifest in many ways, and it's important to deal with each of those emotions as they come up. With sadness, often it helps to allow yourself the time and space to cry, or go through old memories or keepsakes, or to journal to express your feelings. With anger, we might do something to get all that energy out, like exercise or scream into a pillow. 

Take refuge in those little moments throughout the day where you do feel peace or joy or contentment. It may help to immerse yourself in nature - taking a walk, looking out through a window, anything like that can help give you a brief sense of connection and happiness, or can invite an opportunity for reflection. 

I hope this offers some support. Please feel free to keep chatting more if you'd like, we're here to listen if you want to share more or your story or need more verbal support.

All the best, SB

[Rose-]

Hello,

I don't think it's ever too late. 

I am currently grieving as my mother passed away and also having grief counselling.  I am saying this so you are aware I have lost a dear mother and will lose my husband who is palliative with terminal lung cancer.

Grief is something we go through.  It's the most diffucult journey in our lives.  There is no wrong way or right way to deal with grief.  No judgement at all.  When you feel sad, acknowledge you feel sad.  When it gets too much it's ok to distract yourself.  We all need relief from grief.

You are also grieving the person you used to be.  I know how this feels.  It feels like you've lost yourself.  However the real you is still there. It's just been dormant for awhile.  This time of grieving is also a time of rediscovering yourself.  More time for you now.  During this "you time" those parts will awaken and surface.  Self discovery. 

Grieving as difficult as it is, it's also a very sacred period.  Reconnecting with yourself. Reconnecting with the loved one we have lost.  Relationship with the deceased hasn't ended emotionally and spiritually. The memories of what we shared, things we learnt and valued about them will always remain with us.

Be kind to yourself. It's never too late.  Your grief journey is unique.  Its a profound time for self healing and discovery.  I hope this helps in some way.