Relationships

[Guest_16760328]

I have been with my partner for 30+ years. She told things about her past when we first met and up until this day it still plays on my mind. Some.days I can handle it other days I can't. She was rather promiscuous and even slept with her best friends boyfriend while her friend was asleep in  the other romm. If they wasn't bad enough she told me it was the best sex she'd ever had. On top of that she never told her friend and even wanted me to be friends with the guy she slept with. This issue still causes me pain and causes issues in our relationship 

[Jessica_Cloud]

What would happen if you forgave her the indiscretion and moved on? I’m guessing that your relationship is otherwise okay because it’s been 30 years, so, why hang on to this? Yes, it wasn’t her finest hour, but we all have done things we’re not proud of, even you. If the situation was the other way around, and you did the wrong thing, how would you like her to treat you? Would you like to draw a line and move on? Focus on more immediate issues, or plan for a happier future? 
‘You have the power to move on from your past and create a happier future. 

[sbella02]

Hey there,

Thank you so much for reaching out, welcome to the forums.

Sometimes we can get what's known as retroactive jealousy, which is where we ruminate about our partner's past in an often unhealthy way. This seems deeper than that, given that it sounds like there was and continues to be a betrayal involved of somebody who was (or still is?) close to her. So, may I ask, is it the betrayal that's distressing you specifically? Is it the thought of her being with somebody else? Is it the fact that her friend was/has been unaware and this deceit bothers you? This may help direct the support we can offer you.

If you've talked about it before, what does she say when she's talking about it? Does she speak remorsefully, or with a lot of guilt, or is it more reminiscent? 

I hope you're doing okay, this is a tough spot to be in. Feel free to keep chatting with us, we're here for you.

Take care, SB