I need help

[Travis1988]

Hi, my name is Travis I have suffered from RJ OCD for many years. But my current relationship is getting bad because of myself.

My girlfriend ex boyfriend is 10 years younger then her he is her first Australian boyfriend. She is half chinese half indonesian. She is only around 4,11 tall. Her ex boyfriend was taller stronger and good looking. She told me 4 months in our relationship he had a big long pp. And he was handsome they was in a relationship 4 years lived together. And before him she was single over 1 year. She dated a malaysian boyfriend 2016 then met her young australian boyfriend 2018. The one who she dated 4 years. Then we met 6 months after they broke up. But she told me she met 2 other australian guys in this time period but nothing happened with them. I have seen the photos of her special tall handsome australian boyfriend. He still has pictures of her on his profile. I think of what it was like when they first met and how excited she must of felt. When I asked her about it she get angry and ego and showed me photo them kisses and together. She told me the malaysian ex had a small penis also. I just want to feel like her australian ex boyfriend is not lucky special big. And that she had a young good looking australian boy before her that she made him jealous and he was better and better then he was. Anyways I really need help to stop my brain from thinking and asking questions that her ex was smaller. And her ex before was better and he is not special. If you read this far thanks 😊 

[therising]

Hi Travis

I really feel for you, given the circumstances you face. It sounds very stressful and upsetting.

I can't help but wonder why your girlfriend's revealing all these things to you. This is something I find questionable. Even if you were to ask her for specifics, when it comes to how all her ex boyfriends compare, most partners would respond with 'I'm not going to compare you to past relationships, so don't ask me about them'. This is partly due to getting on with life and not living in the past and partly due to not wanting a current partner to feel 'worth less' anyone else or worthless. A loving relationship should be about boosting and inspiring someone's self esteem, not bringing it down in a number of ways. I'm wondering whether she ever inspires you and raises your spirits in a lot of ways, leading you to discover the best in yourself, or whether it's mostly about how she likes to feel and how she likes to compare. If her goal is to intentionally make you jealous then that's just cruel, messing with your emotions while creating so much inner turmoil and conflict.

Might sound a bit crude and I don't mean it to be but, when it comes to size, it may pay to focus on it not being about the size that matters but more so about all the things you can achieve when it comes to what you've got. Could pay to do a bit of research. From a female's perspective, my own, a woman could have a relationship with a well endowed guy that can be pretty standard and unexciting in the bedroom or a relationship with a not so well endowed guy that's amazing and exciting in a lot of ways. The preference becomes about what's exciting in a lot of ways, this way you're sharing excitement.

It can be a tough skill to develop, the skill of not measuring everything. There's so much we're led to measure in society and in life: How tall or short someone is, how able bodied a person is compared with how 'disabled' or unable they are, how long a person's been alive (time measurement), how light or dark their skin is, how much money they've got compared to others, how private parts of their anatomy measure up etc etc. There's a whole industry out there dedicated to how females don't 'measure up'. Breast augmentation is a multi billion dollar industry these days. All this measuring can be sad in a way, taking away from who we naturally are. How to measure constructively becomes the goal. For example, I don't measure age when it comes to wisdom. A 60yo person may have no significant wisdom to offer when it comes to why I'm struggling. On the other hand, someone who's been on this earth for only 5 years (a 5yo) could offer me a pearl of wisdom that blows my mind. If I focused on wisdom being about age, I would never have listened to the five year old and therefor would be none the wiser.

Measurement can sometimes get in the way of living.