I need help with my mum
This is my first post. I’m really lost and need help. Things with my Mum have been really rocky, ever since corona virus started she’s become obsessed with conspiracy theories and it consumes her entire life. She’s losing friends and family over how aggressive she gets to someome not agreeing with her.
For some background on me. I’ve had diagnosed depression, anxiety and ptsd from my childhood for about 7 years now. (I’ve been in therapy the whole time). I’ve always felt that my mum dosent believe I have any reason to feel these ways and she always invalidates me. For this reason I’ve never really opened up to anyone expect my therapist. Im a very very reserved person.
anywho, onto my dilemma. my mum is an alcoholic. She refuses to accept this (even tho she’s been to rehab before) and instead blames everyone else. Tonight she told me in more words that I make her feel like she should kill her self because I don’t listen to her covid conspiracies. She’s always reassured me she would never kill her self because she wouldn’t do that to me but she’s never spoke about it to this extent? I’m unsure what to do. When I said do you want to kill your self she said no I didn’t say that but It wouldn’t matter if I did.
what do I do? It’s 12am so my family is asleep. Do I call someone? She’s drunk so that’s why she’s sayinf these things but what if she means it?
She often says things when she’s drunk and dosent remember the next day. It’s usually abusive things
Hello Lunaloo, and welcome to the site.
I'm sorry you're in such a difficult position, having to deal with a mother who is an alcoholic and obsessed with conspiracy theories regarding this virus, especially when she has other thoughts that are disturbing.
When she blames everyone else for her drinking is a way she only wants to avoid accepting it's her problem and not those around her, it's sort of being in denial and the only way she can stop is when it's her decision, rehab may dry her out but not necessarily make her stop.
The problem with an alcoholic is that their mind is not fully focused and can easily make silly mistakes, such as decide to climb a ladder and lose control, then fall and hurt themselves because they believe they are invincible and nothing will happen that will hurt them, that's where a great concern develops.
You can't keep an eye on her 24/7 but if she does threaten herself then you are entitled to call the police who will take her to a hospital for her own safekeeping.
This may not solve the problem you have asked and know from myself as I was an alcoholic when depressed, fortunately, that was a long time ago, but please get back to us so we can continue this.
Thankyou for your help. She fell asleep not long after my post and I’ve just been going to check on her every now and then.
I guess tomorrow when she’s sober I really need to have a talk to her. I’ve tried before though, but she gets defensive. Even when I say it completely calmly and not in an aggressive or judgmental way. I’ve tried suggesting therapy, support for her addiction and even just starting the conversation with her gp, but she attacks me when I do.
I was thinking maybe I should message my uncle and ask him if he can get through to her. I’m not sure. Do you have any advice for how I can handle this in the morning?
Hello Lunaloo, thanks for getting back, but your mother is in denial, she believes she isn't doing anything wrong and when you try and talk to her, you have to either believe her or refute what she has to say, because everything she will say will be in her favour and deny what you've had to say.
You are really a caring person and indeed want to help her, but as an alcoholic, she knows what she is doing is OK and poses no threat to anyone, that's where the problem begins as she doesn't think she needs to see her doctor/counsellor, and at the moment wouldn't pay any attention to them.
If you ask your uncle for help, she may only agree with him and promise she will cut down her alcohol intake, unfortunately, she can't be believed because as soon as he leaves, back she'll go or could turn into or already is a cupboard drinker, hiding alcohol in different bottles ( white vinegar), under the mattress or in draws etc.
The problem is you could tell her or try and talk with her until you are 'blue in the face' in trying to convince her but all to no avail, but her brother gets on well with her then it's certainly a chance.
Is it possible she could stay with him for a little while or vice-versa, he stays with you?
Good to hear back from you.