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I'm very lonley..

Llv
Community Member

My girlfriend and I drifted apart over a series of months. At the beginning we were very close. Always together or if we weren't she would call several times a day message each other back and forth constantly. After living alone for so many years I appreciated that she wanted to be there for me constantly and wanted my attention. But while she was around me her phone would ring constantly and it would be her other 'guy' friends calling. She would sit there right in front of me and let them flirt with her she made no aptempt to stop them you could hear their sleezy voices on the other end of the phone. Sometimes they would call while we were in bed. Soon enough she was spending time alone with these friends instead of me. I tried to confront her about it and tell her how worried I was how obvious what was going on and I was not going to stand for it. It would always cause an argument and the answer back always was how special her friends were to her and nothing was going to get in the way of it. I never felt so low in my life. She told me these guys were telling her to leave me. I could not understand how you could say these things back to somebody that is your partner. It was gut wrenching to hear.

I allowed this behaviour to continue and stayed in the relationship for several months feeling humiliated ashamed all the way. Naturally our intermate life does right off we spent less and less time together spoke less and less. In the end I fell asleep after work exhausted one Friday night. We were supposed to spend the night together. I awoke at 2am in a panic realising she wasent there. She would only come to see me weekends by that stage sometimes once a week. I missed her terribly everyday. Put my head in the sand ignored what I thought was going on but we bickered constantly about it which only drove us further apart.

The last Friday I fell asleep after work we were supposed to be spending the night together. When I awoke I panicked and messaged her. There was no reply. I had to work the next Saturday morning we had planned to go Christmas shopping that day. I spoke to her when I finally was allowed to go at 1pm after having an argument with my boss to get out. By this stage I was feeling very uneasy and stressed I was really wrapped in this girl and was so worried I did not sleep at all after I woke up without her.

34 Replies 34

Llv
Community Member

I just want the hurting to stop so I can move on with my life. I keep looking back telling myself what if I did this, what if I did that differently. All I wanted is to stop my heart getting broken in the first place.

Now I just feel so so empty. I have nothing left. No more heart to give no more energy or zest for anything in life. It's just face down all day everyday. But living in limbo now so empty is most painful hurtful harmful thing ever I could have imagined. Everyday is a struggle. I talked to a few people but it did nothing. I have nothing and want nothing.

As soon as I wake up I am so dissapointed it's me again and I'm in tears straight away. And try to fall asleep all day. It's my only release from this hell. I am so dissapointed when I wake up. How can life be so cruel.

jtjt_4862
Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

Heya Llv,

Sorry to hear about what you're going through at the moment. The heart break must've been really painful, and it's impacted your life a lot even till this day... No matter how much we want to change things in the past, or have loop thoughts on "what ifs", the reality is those events are now in the past, and there's no way of changing the past at all. The best we can do is to learn from the past, so we can improve ourselves for the future.

Getting over a heart break isn't an easy feat either, some may take just a few weeks, but some could take up to years. I hope you'll be able to be more kind to yourself, and recognize that we're all flawed human beings with our own unique traits and such. Mistakes happen, but as mentioned before, we can learn from them to better ourselves.

Everyone is responsible for their own happiness. The reason why I say this is because, if you feel the need to be responsible for other people's happiness, then that's equivalent to throwing away the life you want to live in exchange for other people's approval. It creates a codependency relationship which can be unhealthy. In a relationship, both sides are responsible for their own happiness (which creates friction and conflict when one person wants to do something/makes a point, but the other person doesn't/disagrees), At the same time, they both accept each other's weakness/flaws, while supporting each other through hard times.

Take some time off from the dating scene and work on yourself first. Find what makes you happy while discovering your strengths and accepting your weaknesses. Give yourself some self-love and see yourself as a friend. Treat yourself the way you want to treat your friends. You truly deserve a better person in your relationship, but before that person appears in your path, discover and put yourself first before anyone else. Remember that we are all responsible for our own happiness.

Hope that helps Llv, happy to hear from you more if you'd like to share more.

Jt

Llv
Community Member

It's been a long while since I've spoken in this forum. Life has been so up and down over the last year the immediate sadness disappeared over time but the depression is right there now I don't feel like I been kicked in the chest everyday but what is worse now I feel nothing no desire to live at all, I only exist in limbo now. In a way even when I was sad earlier in the year I felt better then this. 

 

I have had nobody in my life ever since. Despite my best efforts at life. Ups and downs it try so hard and best I can do is break even. In and out of jobs always behind in bills and finally I have organised to sell my car tommorow to try to save the roof over my head. I know I sound lazy but I have little motivation to work of leave the house still. All day and night I yearn for human connection somebody to talk to. It never comes. I am convinced now I don't deserve it. It's sad seeing people come and go through my life because they can't stand to see my misery. 

 

My mother is all that is left but I am 40 years old how do you explain this to her or anyone for that matter.

 

Day after day I see life slip away from me in my slow limbo endlessly scrolling through Facebook reading and replying to comments is very little interaction I have. Some people might find that ridiculous but a sentence here and there keeps me going through the day a bit of humour where I can brightens up my day. Pathetic right? Get off your ass stop mucking about online and go to work. But I'm not missing work to do that. 

 

 

 

Dear LIv,
 
Welcome back to the forums, we are sorry to hear that you feel things have gotten worse since last posting. Financial difficulties when you have no desire to live must feel overwhelming and we are glad you have sought the advice of the community for guidance. Speaking of guidance, have you engaged with your local GP or mental health professionals to discuss how you have been feeling and discussed possible treatment and available support.  

Isolation can be tormenting and the desire to connect with others but being unable to do so would also affect your low mood and motivation. Continuing to seek that connection with others is the best approach, the forums are a great place to interact and develop friendships through posting. Social media such as Facebook can feel like an outlet to engage with others, but as you have indicated there is often little genuine engagement.  

We encourage you to contact any of the following support services during any time of need as you deserve to know that you are not alone and that there are services and people out there to help.  

Please consider contacting Suicide Callback Service (call on 1300 659 467) or Lifeline on 13 11 14 or at Lifeline. When you feel the thoughts of not wanting to live become a concern that you may act on.  

Beyond Blue offers counselling 24/7 either via phone 1300 22 4636 or through Beyond Blue Online Chat. You could also check out the Beyond Now suicide safety app, developed by Beyond Blue, Find out more..  

As you have stated that you ae seeking some human engagement and conversation have you considered contacting friendline , select your state from the site and follow the prompts to have a friendly conversation with a volunteer.

Please remember that if you feel you are having urges in response to your desire not to live or you do not feel safe, please call emergency services on 000.  

Warm regards,
Sophie M

Llv
Community Member

I miss work because there is never any sleep when I need it. I used to drink and smoke a lot of pot but that has all stopped.  Long ago now. So I cleaned up my life and for what. I feel so worthless and now almost 40. I know my best days are behind me. It goes even further down hill from here. I'm scared where it goes next. 

 

Just get off your ass and stop complaining go to work dosent mean much when you get nothing back out of it. So I understand how it looks what people think. But life will never be the same for me after what I have been through the last year. What I went through last Christmas time was off the back of a really hard time I had just before that.