I'm very lonley..

[Llv]

My girlfriend and I drifted apart over a series of months. At the beginning we were very close. Always together or if we weren't she would call several times a day message each other back and forth constantly. After living alone for so many years I appreciated that she wanted to be there for me constantly and wanted my attention. But while she was around me her phone would ring constantly and it would be her other 'guy' friends calling. She would sit there right in front of me and let them flirt with her she made no aptempt to stop them you could hear their sleezy voices on the other end of the phone. Sometimes they would call while we were in bed. Soon enough she was spending time alone with these friends instead of me. I tried to confront her about it and tell her how worried I was how obvious what was going on and I was not going to stand for it. It would always cause an argument and the answer back always was how special her friends were to her and nothing was going to get in the way of it. I never felt so low in my life. She told me these guys were telling her to leave me. I could not understand how you could say these things back to somebody that is your partner. It was gut wrenching to hear.

I allowed this behaviour to continue and stayed in the relationship for several months feeling humiliated ashamed all the way. Naturally our intermate life does right off we spent less and less time together spoke less and less. In the end I fell asleep after work exhausted one Friday night. We were supposed to spend the night together. I awoke at 2am in a panic realising she wasent there. She would only come to see me weekends by that stage sometimes once a week. I missed her terribly everyday. Put my head in the sand ignored what I thought was going on but we bickered constantly about it which only drove us further apart.

The last Friday I fell asleep after work we were supposed to be spending the night together. When I awoke I panicked and messaged her. There was no reply. I had to work the next Saturday morning we had planned to go Christmas shopping that day. I spoke to her when I finally was allowed to go at 1pm after having an argument with my boss to get out. By this stage I was feeling very uneasy and stressed I was really wrapped in this girl and was so worried I did not sleep at all after I woke up without her.

[Guest_1584]

Hi liv , and so sorry you have been treated in those game playing ways, she's a real piece of work that one sorry.

l agree with Geoff though and l'd be really surprised if she is in any real happiness so soon and l think you said three different new guys since you split anyway so there it is right there.She's just rebounding and monkey branching and l'd be very very surprised if the latest amounts to anything either. So as hard as it is and hurts, try not to take too much of any of her rants seriously , they're coming from a troubled soul that you can't fix. And as for when you were together , you know in your heart all that stuff wasn't right , a loving partner doesn't do all those things and act like that. Your doing the right thing now distancing yourself from it all and your best to get life going again, you'll get there, baby steps. A real relationship isn't meant to hurt and torment us, none of this was right for you and she's done you a big favor.

Good luck, hang in there, keep doing what you know is right.

rx

[Llv]

Reply to Rx

Mate spot on there.

Im getting stronger by the day. Although weekends and nights are the hardest still in the no sleep zone. But keep stepping. One step at a time one day at a time.

I am glad the ride is over. When I look back at this so called relationship I feel like I have brought something off a door to door salesman. Something shonky what did I expect. I'm now starting to take responsibility for what is going on in my life I can no longer blame her but still walking around feeling like I got a hole in my head I still feel like crap day and night. Just wish it would stop. Life still has very little flavour. Still trying to process in an intelligent mind how I can stop saying not fair when I'm the one spending all my time alone with endless nothing constant cycles of self improvement and she's the one that did all this and her life gets to continue and I pay for her mistakes. I know I'm better then that. Guess it's my last stop getting straight with that fact before I can exit this pile of last few weeks and miserable last 2 months.

[Guest_1584]

A few mths isn't very long Liv , don't ask too much of yourself too soon, it's ok to feel miserable. Sometimes not allowing all that to take it's natural course first will only come back to bite you later on. Atm you need your strength just to get through this and your housing, work and finances sorted.

There could be something in the door to door salesman and love. Being selective about the quality of what we spend hard earned money on usually pays of but we also need to choose wisely the quality of those we love.

Take care.

rx

[geoff]

Hello Llv, the pendulum does eventually change but you have to stop watching it.

Geoff.

[Llv]

You what is hard right now...I am starting a new relationship but still the ghosts of this haunt me and are affecting my new life, it's hard to forget and not to search for the same qualities in my new partner...she has a lot of guy friends...again...how to learn to trust it seems like every girl is surrounded by guy friends these days yet I am always questioned if I spend time with friends that are girls or talk to any of my exs seems like a huge double standard...I give my trust as always...seems like the bonding has been done elsewhere and im just a cuddle toy..yet again I'm wondering where she dissappears to won't reply back for hours at a time...I let it slide as it's very early days yet...so I can't judge but it's a very modern day concept where a girl can meet several guys off an app and pick and choose at a time who is a friend and who is special...hard not to think one mistake and I go down in list. Shouldn't be this way shouldn't be a list at all. But it's way it is. I'm very old fashioned but never expectations never controlling carefull of what I say and do in that regard I would never make you choose between me or your friends but after being burned in a big way before its hard to trust, see red flags. This time around I don't ask certain questions...but at this stage not as interested in the relationship as I had been if I'm unsure about their intentions...it's harder then ever to connect. As I don't drink I do use apps to meet which I'm smart enough to know there in lies the problem itself. But as I don't drink I rarely go out so my options to put myself out there is limited and hate being lonley...it is what it is but kinda hard to know who is genuine these days without putting out the image I'm looking for a commitment straight up...but I would not date somebody with intention to get in friend zone but for me it's hard to block and forget. For some very easy...it's time we live in.

[Guest_1584]

Hi liv.

Have to admit bit concerned this happening so fast and what's this yet more guy friends biz ? How old are these women if you don't mind me asking ? But no man if they can, you can, so if you do have female friends then do not take that double standard rubbish what's good for the goose my friend.

Have you thought about just staying on your own for awhile and being far more selective , waiting for that someone special that also has the qualities and values you have ?

rx

[geoff]

Hello Llv, before you meet someone you're attracted to, they have different friends, just as you might, both males and females, but if she really likes you then most of her male friends slowly disappear in the background, she hasn't shown them, she has decided she wants to go out with you, as probably any of your female friends, past and/or present, slowly fade away into the background.

You learn to develop this relationship the way the two of you want, not by what her friends want to do unless you accept it.

Geoff.

[Llv]

Thankyou Geoff this makes sense to me and what you say is a point of view I have not even thought of. This is really helping me right now so I am glad I have come here.

Unfortunately discussions with this person I was seeing have made this thing break down so suddenly which is a shame. I can't hide my dissapointment where this person choses to be with another 'guy friend' when I am not allowed to even see her on her birthday or nearly a week without seeing her and tells me she is having different 'guy firends' over in middle of night on the nights we are not together. So I am thinking this is an unlucky encounter meeting this person so soon after what I have been through.

In response to Rx comments the people I am meeting are in their mid 30s the same as me. I'm unsure about what you mean by the double standard thing you are saying. There is no double standard on this side I do have female friends but you know kind of don't need to go see them in the middle of the night instead of spending time with somebody you supposably say you are interested in every other day. I can see things for what they are have no problem with people having friends but understand my friend I have seen it go right with no problems and been on the other side of this trust and saw somebody that says they love me break that trust and it has gone the other way the results of which you can read in the above comments.

I will supplement this...the whole reason I am here is I am a totally trusting person but after being through what I have am now having trouble seeing where the red flags lie. I am never the person who would say what you can and can't do there is total respect for freedoms here also the fact that these assumptions also lie under the area of 'control' I am desperate to hang onto my morals and not become 'that guy'...hope this makes sense I just want to be able to trust without being burned or becoming cynical.

[Guest_1584]

Hi liv

l wasn't talking about you obviously but women with a lot of guy friends usually have a very double standard , seen it every time. When it's them with guy friends your suppose to just suck it up or you've got problems. But when it's you with women friends wellll, as l said to you earlier you will usually find she doesn't quite handle that one quite the same as she expects you to handle her guy friends.

[Llv]

I appreciate you saying that it does help but I really feel so driven into the ground by this point.

The last few months have been so hard. The depression has gotten on top of me and It's caused a massive rift between me and my family and now on verge of losing everything I have,I feel like giving up.

I should have moved on by now but I keep falling flat on my face I know everybody else just moved on but I didn't, after all this I don't know what I'm expecting from life now.
Before and after, I would never want to see anybody feeling hurt. At the time for a short while I felt so connected then it all got taken away. It hurt me deeply like in a way I never been hurt before.
I really wanted my past couple of relationships... I just wanted to make everybody happy. I would never wish for this.
I want to start feeling better about life but it is so hard.