I just ended a relationship that lasted seven years. I'm in my thirties now, and I can't help but feel jaded.
I've had three long-term relationships, and I think my biggest mistake has been staying in them for too long. At the time, I genuinely believed each person was the one I'd end up marrying. I thought we could work through any problems, as long as they didn't involve cheating, domestic violence, or addiction.
So, unsurprisingly, I stayed in my most recent relationship for a little over six years. I felt secure, like we were a team, and he always said he wanted to get married for the first three years.
But the longer we were together, the less likely it seemed that he was ever going to propose. Our relationship started deteriorating. We broke up once and got back together, but I made it clear that if he ever said he wanted to break up again, I wouldn't come back. He agreed.
A few months ago, we had a fight over something stupid, and that was it. What started as a week-long argument turned into two weeks, and then he said he couldn't see us getting married unless we moved in together. He didn't want to move out unless we bought a house, but anything we could realistically afford would have been too far from work. I suggested we rent but he shut that down very fast.
He started throwing out ultimatums and bringing up everything I'd ever done wrong in the relationship. His tone seemed completely defeated, and I couldn't keep fighting anymore.
The things I did wrong were mostly immature attempts to get a reaction from him. I'd say things I didn't mean just to see if he still loved me. I know that wasn't healthy, and I regret it, but at the time I didn't know how else to feel secure.
He never wanted to go on dates unless it was something he enjoyed or his friends were going too. He rarely wanted to do anything I liked, and he only wanted to go out after lunch because he preferred sleeping in. Everytime we had a fight he would start with "I don't know if I can marry someone who does (whatever topic we're fighting about)"
He did have his good moments, he'd buy me meds when I'm sick and celebrate my birthday with a small gathering he'd organise. He would also get me flowers for every special occasion and pay for most meals when we go out.
We even went ring shopping at one stage, although it didn't go anywhere. Our relationship only fumbled and he eventually told me I was close to what he wants but I'm not the one.
It really felt like he wanted to break up but he doesn't want to be the one who said it. So I ended it. A few days after I got incredibly sick and he messaged me to ask if I think breaking up was a mistake.
I stayed silent, I couldn't think straight because I've been in bed for days.
He did retract his question and we agreed to stop all contact.
I'm in my thirties now, I can't shake the feeling that I've wasted my mid-to-late twenties, and now I'll never find anyone else I'll love as much.
Most men my age seem to be married already, and I honestly don't think I could be with another man who's got the "potential" in becoming someone great. I know I have a lot of things I need to work on too. I just can't help feeling incredibly jaded and heartbroken right now.
