I'm a broken soul

[Rural_Dad]

I wanted to live my dream in the country with my wife and 3 kids. After 12 months my wife had to return to work for us to survive, earning more money then me as the farm had more problems then we thought. We have been together for 22 years and I will turn 40 next year. I was then placed in the at home dad roll which I loved for 18 months and then it all turned to shit. The cooking ,the cleaning etc, my wife had to travel so was out of the house from 6am - 8pm and away for training in weekly blocks. My wife and kids and my dog moved out on fathers day due to my alcohol abuse and depression. 80% of the time I would only see the bus driver at the bus stop. I was a healthy happy men broken, I cant deal with how I got to point the of suicide. I've tried twice and been in hospital for 2 weeks at a time 1 having a tractor run over me and being air lifted to hospital. I'm am contact with counsellors but this time of year is crap. I have to find a job after being self employer for 3 years , a job, a car and have been cut of with heath insurance and money. She just doesn't get it. I no I have a trigger and am scared I can feel it coming

[pipsy]

Hi Rural Dad. When you drink to numb the pain of depression, you start living in a vicious cycle of depression/alcohol abuse to stop the pain from the depression. You sober up, feel the pain of the depression and drink to numb the pain. You have tried to help you wife by taking her role of housekeeper. Unfortunately, it hasn't worked, some people are unable to cope with housework (this goes for women as well). Xmas time does bring out the sadness other times don't seem to matter. During the year, being alone seems to be more easy to deal with. For some reason Xmas seems to exacerbate the loneliness more. I think the 'hype' of 'family' and 'being together' seem to become more intense, therefore it seems to hurt more. Your wife is possibly scared of you returning to the drink to escape and it's going to take time for her to see you are trying to overcome the alcohol addiction. I have a problem with alcohol and for the last 7 months, I have been 'dry', but the urge to drink sometimes almost overtakes me. I do have coping mechanisms, I have a job driving the elderly shopping, Dr's appointments etc. I also have a bf who has battled alcohol abuse, so he has been supporting me on this. Is there anybody you can turn to for support in this. Fighting alcohol abuse is hard and almost impossible to do it alone. There is a thread on the forums entitled 'Battling the Booze'. Have a look and see if there is any thing there that could benefit you. You need help and support, we can offer it, please reach out, we're here for you 24/7. Fighting alcohol addiction is hard, without that thread, many people would still feel alone.

Lynda

[kat1973]

I just wanted to let you know that I read your post and am acknowledging how you feel. I feel very low myself and not good at giving advice but I want to say sorry for what your going through. Keep posting, get your feelings out, it's better than holding it all inside. I wish for you to feel less alone and to find some support.