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I love my partner but or relationship is ‘blah’

Community Member

I have been with my partner for 4 years, I’m recently 21 and his 23 almost 24 (young I know). After an amazing start to our relationship things went south around the 3 year mark or so. We have been rekindling ever since, it’s very a very bumpy road. He is amazing and try’s his best to help me through what ever mental state I’m in, as do I in return. We have lived together from very early stages (reasons not willing to share). Could this have effected our relationship to go to ‘old married couple state’ as people say? It feels as if we have hit a brick wall and are just at a stand still.

I know he loves me very much but I just can’t help but feel blah about our relationship. Yes we have talked about it but nothing ever seems to come from it. Neither of us have ever cheated nor has anything really bad happened but sometimes I question his loyalty and feel as if he deserves better. Is this normal?
In COVID times it makes it extremely difficult for us to do anything and to get out the house to do something that we enjoy. We now are back in stage 3 lockdown with fear of stage 4. I feel this could have put a strain on the relationship as well as both our mental health as we are both very adventurous people.

Recently I’ve found it very hard to be attracted to him and get intimate. Which I know really hurts him, seeing him hurt really hurts me. We argue more often or just don’t speak at all. I don’t understand why I don’t enjoy being intimate or even around him sometimes anymore? I feel like it’s a choir rather then fun. I know that I love him but I can’t help but to question is this ever going to get better and will that spark come back?

2 Replies 2

Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor

A warm welcome to you DJ5

I can tell how deeply invested you are in your relationship because you've managed to come here. I salute you as you constructively undertake managing the challenges of your relationship.

One of my husband's mantras is 'I want us to grow old together', whereas mine is 'I want us to grow young together'. When aspects of life can dismember us from the excitement, adventure, pure joy and curiosity we felt as kids, I believe it's important to remember our natural self. My plan is to grow young, gradually re-membering myself, with benefits of maturity. Sounds like this might be your plan too.

I've found understanding energy to be the key to manipulating/maintaining it. Give me the basics of Prana, Chi, quantum physics etc and I'm in. Love the education and revelations that come through such understanding. Such simple terms such as 'vibing high' or 'buzzing with excitement' are highly significant when it comes to how we tick. At a subatomic level, our cells vibrate. The more excited the vibration the more we feel the excitement of life through our body. The stronger the vibration, the greater the buzz or buzzing/humming sensation. With little stimuli, we just can't feel the vibe or buzz in/of life. While quantum physics now provides an understanding of how our cells tick in this way, Prana and Chi are understandings of energy that have been around for thousands of years.

When we want to 'vibe high', we're often going to feel connected to those who are experiencing the same vibe. When someone's vibing low, there can be a sense of disconnection. There can be lots of reasons as to why our partner is stuck in a low: Not enough positive healthy incoming energy through the right diet, not enough exercise (kinetic energy), not enough hydration (our cells thrive on water/hydropower), not enough mental stimulation, the chemistry of depression can also be a factor and the list goes on.

DJ5, we physically feel emotion (energy in motion). I bet you're really missing that feeling. I can relate, especially during this challenging time in society where access to adventure is seriously limited. A lack of excitement is, I believe, seriously testing a lot of relationships, especially when people are so used to vibing high through adventure and recreation. Recreation is a powerful thing for it's how we naturally re-create our self on a regular basis.

Can you think of why your partner's not feeling the vibe. Is his energy low for some reason?


Valued Contributor
Valued Contributor
Hi DJ5,

It sounds like you may need some time apart to then miss each other to recindle that spark.
When you're in each other's faces all the time things can turn sour. You get so used to each other and sometimes can't even stand one another. I know that's true for me when I'm around someone too much. But after I haven't seen them for a while I look forward to our time together.

Questioning his loyalty and feeling like he deserves better- I've done that when I haven't felt so great about our relationship, when the chips were down, so to speak. I didn't feel my partner engaging with me so I questioned it in my brain. So yeah it's normal.

Covid is testing a lot of people's relationships so you're definitely not alone. We just don't have enough to do outside of the house anymore and it's bringing ppl down I reckon. Also constantly hearing about this virus and all these changes isn't helping one's mental state. The things we used to do to lift our spirits/ keep our energy up has disappeared so it's no wonder relationships are at a stand still.

It's sounds like you both deeply love each other but things have gotten stale because you are unable to do solo things outside of the relationship to then come back to each other with extra vigour.

It's good that you're speaking about it and maybe you can come up with things to help keep that spark alive? Or someone else could jump on board to give U some ideas.

I hope you can both get passed this...