I have no one in my life - lonely

[Flamingo1989]

Hi everyone I'm new and need to share my story with someone. I am 40 years old. I have never had a boyfriend. I have no friends only work colleagues I make small talk with. My mum is dying of cancer and my dad married to her for 40+ years is falling apart. My brother wife hates me. She doesn't understand who I am or what I suffer from. I don't have a close relationship with my brother and don't get to see my niece and nephew because my sister in law won't allow it. I live alone with my 2 cats. Quite frankly as of now I feel so afraid and alone. I fear how I will ever feel normal like everyone else on society. I struggle to hold my minimum wage job and will most likely lose this too next year. I feel like I have lost everything. I have recently learnt in the past 5 years that life is brutal and even the people who say they love you and will never leave your side, do eventually. I find it extremely difficult socially and have crippling anxiety. What is the point of going on? Life is only going to get worse. How can I manage? I suffer from BPD. Being alone is my biggest fear. The nightmare is real.

[golden82]

hi Flamingo,

Sorry to hear today has been a struggle for you... same here in Adelaide - lockdowns, bucketing rain, and another day in bed for me too. I think all this ie the lockdowns and the miserable weather make it so much worse for our mental health. I sometimes ring a helpline and complain how I haven't left the bed for another day.. they often remind me to be kinder to myself and just allow myself those days. I hope you can too. It is okay to stay in bed - especially with what you are dealing with in your personal life and the world as a whole.

That sounds great that you have that creative flair. I am sure the craft thread would benefit from having your input. My level of craft goes to colouring in and even that I am not good at lol. But I enjoy just scribbling away sometimes. Can you watch any Youtube videos on the bridal hair thing. Might help to take your mind off thoughts for a while. I dunno. I watch cute/funny dog videos sometimes just to try and help this. Also, I was meaning to say earlier - totally get the lack of motivation. I struggle big time with that too. I think most of us here do and it is a symptom of depression. I do get frustrated with myself over this - but again the helplines remind me of it being the depression and just do what you can do - even if that is just being in bed.

I hope that one day things will start to get better for me and you and all of us here. Keep being you - you sound like a wonderful person with lots of interests and lots to offer. Sending you a virtual hug from Adelaide x

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hi Flamingo

Sorry to hear today has been hard for you. Some days really just are doona days hey? Do your cats keep you company in bed? Mine don’t, but my dog does, which is nice.

You know, until recently I thought I was the only lonely person without friends, but I’m realising it’s not uncommon. Maybe it’s something about the way we live our modern lives. I don’t think that your or my experience is a reflection of us as people either, but more about other people just not wanting to put effort in. We live these fast paced lives of instant gratification so we’re “swipe… next…” as a society. Well, just my thoughts lol. Would I be correct in saying that you warm up if people put the time in to get to know you?

Well, I’ve made an awful dinner. I didn’t use a recipe and should have. I’m going to go buy a box of cheezels! Sending you a hug from WA and hope tomorrow looks a bit more ok x

[Flamingo1989]

Hi Katy unfortunately no my cats don't sleep with me wish they would, something about the purr that is so calming for anxiety.

Thanks for your advice but I'm hoping time will change things and heal pain and wounds.

Hope you enjoyed the cheezels I'm a sucker for bad food too, my only pleasure in life atm.

[Flamingo1989]

Thanks Holden today is not a good day. Struggling to keep my eyes open and my mind functioning. Visited my mum in hospital so sad watching her in pain. She barely can keep awake and talk.

Hope you have a goodnight

[golden82]

Hi Flamingo,

How are you today? Sorry to read about your Mum and her pain. Good that you are visiting her though even though it must be so so hard for you. I am sure it means the world to her. Do you know about Griefline? There is a freecall number 1300 845 745 for free counselling relating to grief. They are there if you need.

Stay strong, from Golden 🙂

[Katyonthehamsterwheel]

Hello

Thought I’d check in and see how you’re going today? Freezing here so I’ve climbed into bed and watched a movie, but my cats are now staring at me, so I’m guessing they’d like dinner.

What has your day looked like? Happy to listen if there’s anything you’d like to chat about. Katy

[JacintaMarie]

Hi Flamingo

Hope its okay to join in, I know how you feel, except I have the opposite, at work, I'm surrounded by people but I feel lonely, you do small talk but that only goes so far.

Coming online, on here will help you. and bit by bit hopefully you'll won't be lonely. It'll take time, but stick at it, you'll get there.

I'm the same, I'm 39 and never had a boyfriend, sometimes it seems society is obsessed with being with soneone, well I've never dated & wouldn't have a clue how to behave on a date! I'm happy being single though, to be honest just because your in a relationship, doesn't mean there happy, sorry for any offense.

[Flamingo1989]

Thanks Golden I'll keep it on file. Not too good. Hope you're ok though thanks for checking in

[Flamingo1989]

Hi Jacinta of course you're welcome. Just seems like I haven't accomplished what everyone else seems to experience. I want those things maybe it would make me more content. I know many in relationships aren't happy but they say everyone needs company and love. Things I'm yet to discover. Hope you're having a good day.

[Flamingo1989]

Hi Katy thanks for checking in. I'm not in a good way today. Don't even want to be online. Will be going into bed and trying to sleep off the pain. Hope you're warm and your cats are keeping you company.