Hi everyone I'm new and need to share my story with someone. I am 40 years old. I have never had a boyfriend. I have no friends only work colleagues I make small talk with. My mum is dying of cancer and my dad married to her for 40+ years is falling apart. My brother wife hates me. She doesn't understand who I am or what I suffer from. I don't have a close relationship with my brother and don't get to see my niece and nephew because my sister in law won't allow it. I live alone with my 2 cats. Quite frankly as of now I feel so afraid and alone. I fear how I will ever feel normal like everyone else on society. I struggle to hold my minimum wage job and will most likely lose this too next year. I feel like I have lost everything. I have recently learnt in the past 5 years that life is brutal and even the people who say they love you and will never leave your side, do eventually. I find it extremely difficult socially and have crippling anxiety. What is the point of going on? Life is only going to get worse. How can I manage? I suffer from BPD. Being alone is my biggest fear. The nightmare is real.
We are really
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but you never know who will read your thread and feel less alone in their
experience.
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i want to hold faith for u, that things will get better.
Those rough days re hard.
Having companionship is something I also feel really emotional about it, to have a partner to share days with. I understnd its hard, particularly in society where everything is always about partners... its a test for me to learn to love myself and see my own worth without a partner, but a test I'm trying to meet.
I'm so sorry ur having a hard day and hope things improve very quickly for u
So true Sleepy - society places so much about what is the 'norm' and if we don't fit the mold we are somehow lesser. Whether for a partner/married with children; I find mothers day always a tough one. Not all mothers love their daughters (unfortunately is that way with mine). And yet we see all the images of how it is/should be. It hurts each and every year.
I love how you are learning to see your worth without a partner. I will try that too. Perhaps that is something we all can try?
I hope you're ok. I'm so sorry to read your really struggling and your mum is not doing well at all. Watching a loved one so sick is the hardest thing to do. But she knows you are there with her.
I'm one of those who married young and growing up was scared about not finding someone special. I thought I did, but he's let me down a lot. I;m at the point where most days I just want to be on my own. I guess we always seem to want what we don't have.
The right person will come along. You just need to have faith and confidence in yourself and he'll find you. But definitely try and volunteer somewhere - it will get you out of the house and with other likeminded people who will bring you out of your shell. When you find where you belong, you will be happy - and it doesn't matter if your single or not. I know we all want to be loved, but we need to find the love for ourselves too. I know you would have many great qualities, so don't be afraid to share them. Sending hugs.
