Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Independent Chosen Family
  • replies: 3

I was advised to escape from my enmeshed family by my then psychologist. Putting together a caring chosen family has worked wonders until the pandemic. The restrictions meant that my circle of activities came to a screeching halt. When restrictions s... View more

I was advised to escape from my enmeshed family by my then psychologist. Putting together a caring chosen family has worked wonders until the pandemic. The restrictions meant that my circle of activities came to a screeching halt. When restrictions started to be lifted families could once again get together - but not our chosen family - we were not flesh and blood. So meeting as a 'family' was still not possible. So while the media showed families getting together ours couldn't. Nothing has changed for us since restrictions were lifted. I really think the government should redefine what family means. I think it should be those who love and cherish each other and look out for each other - something my biological family could never do for me, except my mother who now has dementia. Being on my own isn't nice but it infinitely better than being with my biological family. Please think about us orphans who have had to do all this on our own. Sometimes I have wished I could catch Covid 19 and be done with life because life without my chosen family is no life at all. I am not suicidal but I do wish the Government could think social isolation/ distancing through a bit better. I hope you are all safe and as well as can e expected.

Retroactive Starting a lot of fights with my family
  • replies: 3

Hi I love my family very much and I try to help them in ways that I can, but I seem to be constantly causing conflict and getting into so many arguments with them. They say I have a problem with my temper - I am too blunt and confrontational, and esc... View more

Hi I love my family very much and I try to help them in ways that I can, but I seem to be constantly causing conflict and getting into so many arguments with them. They say I have a problem with my temper - I am too blunt and confrontational, and escalate things. My sisters have threatened to move out because of me and that hurts so much because I really do love them and would do anything in the world for them. Recently, when I've argued with one person, the others join in to tell me it's my fault and that I need to change something about myself. I think I'm the cause of everyone's problems. I am a very private person and I rely heavily on my family...so I'm really struggling with all of this as I have no one else to turn to. I have a lot on my plate so I'm stressed and tired and irritable. After each argument, I tell then that I will try harder to improve - and I honestly mean it - but somehow I end up in another argument...I don't even know how. They tell me that I start fights intentionally to antagnise and don't believe me when I say I don't...but I truly don't fights for that reason. I have always tried to do the right thing and I have tried so hard to be a good family member over the years...but that effort has been wiped out by the recent fights - at least that's what they tell me. If so, what's the point of family then...? Do all the good deeds/memories in the past mean nothing? Is that how it works? Thanks for listening

Luk3 brother issues
  • replies: 4

i do not have a close relationship with my younger brother. he is a recovering addict. we have discussed our up bringing (which was very grounded) but he only thinks of the negative things that happened between us, even when i change to some positive... View more

i do not have a close relationship with my younger brother. he is a recovering addict. we have discussed our up bringing (which was very grounded) but he only thinks of the negative things that happened between us, even when i change to some positive things he manages to turn it back around to negative. he has a lot of negativity and resentment towards me and is happier when i am not doing well in life. i am struggling with how to deal with this as each time we spend a time together i can feel the negativity from him directed at me and now i am at the stage i am avoiding sharing a family meal as it is so tense for all family and very draining...

Paigturner Estrangement from daughter
  • replies: 6

I have a 24yo daughter and have always been close and had a great relationship to the point she would always tell me everything. May 2019 my daughter started seeing a girl she met from the Internet and within 8 weeks her behaviour changed. She would ... View more

I have a 24yo daughter and have always been close and had a great relationship to the point she would always tell me everything. May 2019 my daughter started seeing a girl she met from the Internet and within 8 weeks her behaviour changed. She would stay in her room, would go out & be gone for 4 days only to come home and sleep like she hasn’t slept in years. She became moody, aggressive and even disrespectful. I told her her behaviour was unacceptable so she moved out and in with the girlfriend. Things progressively got worse. She was 3hrs late to the family Christmas dinner and I get a call from her saying she is an hour away but if I wanted to see her for Christmas I needed to transfer her $20 for petrol so she could get here, which I did. She sauntered in with no apology or explanation, ate her Christmas lunch that we had already eaten 3hrs earlier, received her gifts then left. None of the family even got so much as a Christmas card from her which is sooo not like her. In 2017 I financed a 2015 Honda Jazz in my name that she would pay off at $70 a week- this was discussed and terms agreed between us both prior to purchase. For 2yrs she paid her repayments religiously and without reminder, she was quite the little budgeter. All of a sudden repayments stopped and she ghosted me. She wouldn’t respond to text, calls or email. The same thing happened the following month and still she ghosted me. I also noticed her personal belongings being listed on buy, swap, sell on Facebook. I received a text back saying “do what you like but it will just be chalked up to a civil matter”. I woke up to a text 3 days later saying the keys were in my letter box. The car had been returned under a cloud of darkness. When I saw the car my heart sank - it was trashed and anything of value missing. The new tyres fitted to her car some 4mths prior had been replaced with old thread bare tyres, the $1000 dash cam was missing, every panel had damage.This car WAS my daughters pride and joy and was in perfect condition when she left. After this I listed my daughter as a missing person. Well this is the broad strokes, it’s now been 6mths since I have seen my daughter or spoken to her. I don’t know where she is living, if she is ok and have been left a shell of a woman from the experience. Mother’s Day was gut wrenching when my mother received an email allegedly from her wishing her a happy Mother’s Day yet I heard nothing. What do I do and how the hell do I get through this?

Soverylostgirl Struggling with relationship loss - not your typical breakup.
  • replies: 4

Its 5:45 am, I've been awake since 4:30 crying again. Soon to be ex-hubby sleeps in different room so I guess that's a blessing he doesn't have to listen to me. 2014 - 2017 we went through a highly contested court battle for his sons. It was an emoti... View more

Its 5:45 am, I've been awake since 4:30 crying again. Soon to be ex-hubby sleeps in different room so I guess that's a blessing he doesn't have to listen to me. 2014 - 2017 we went through a highly contested court battle for his sons. It was an emotionally screwed up time. The end of court was sept 2017. Oct 2018 he said we were done. Since then we've been in this up and down relationship. I can't even explain it. He leads me along for a while then says he doesn't. We live together, regularly we're intimate but zero attachment on his side. Anyhoo, we have really been at each other this week and I found out he's talking to someone online. This has really shattered me. I feel so stupid. I love him beyond words (16 years together and 3 kids) and I've asked if he'll work on us and I just get zero.. I know I need to let him go but he's the love of my life and I'm not coping. I've stuck by him through everything, and what's worse is he told me he started to disconnect with me in 2015 but didn't say anything. Yes we have had our ups and downs over the years but we always worked it out. I knew we had dome issues but I was waiting for court to be over to deep dive into fixing them... But instead he used me for what feels like the funds to support his court case and tossed me aside. I'm not innocent. During the court stuff I posted stuff online and it was used against him in court (stupid emotional shit). He blames me for it. But he doesn't see everything I've done for him over the years... I'm just so depressed. I've never been this bad. I've taken to drinking alcohol at night to push down the hurt and make me sleep. I'm sitting here on my couch bed crying, wondering if I'll ever be OK again. I start work in 2hrs but luckily taking a half day because of shit that's happened this week. How the hell do you let go? I don't know how someone can just disconnect so quickly after so long. I hear him in the other room talking to people and laughing and I miss that with him. I miss the way it used to be.

Trish2 Relationship issue
  • replies: 8

Hey there. I'm currently in a relationship with my girlfriend of 6 months where at times I feel really happy about it, but other times I feel quite anxious about where it could be heading. This is also my first ever relationship and I'm 20. I feel re... View more

Hey there. I'm currently in a relationship with my girlfriend of 6 months where at times I feel really happy about it, but other times I feel quite anxious about where it could be heading. This is also my first ever relationship and I'm 20. I feel really happy knowing I'm with this person. I would like to think our bond between one another is actually really great and strong in many areas. We have mutual trust and she's there for me quite a lot. The problem however is that I feel as if I'm the one putting in all the effort. I always find myself being the first to ask when we should hang out, I deliberately put off asking sometimes to see how long it'll last before she says anything and I find that I'm still asking first (the longest I've put it off is almost 2 weeks), I seem to want much more affection and sex than she does and I find myself being the one who's messaging more generally speaking. It confuses me because I can tell she genuinely enjoys my company but I just feel like it isn't really fulfilling for me to have to always be the one to initiate affection and make the effort to see her. I have spoken with her about this before but I don't know if I can ever really communicate to her that I need a bit more from her without overwhelming her or putting pressure on her. I wish this was something I wasn't so bothered by but it has made me feel really lonely and upset considering I don't want to overwhelm her with my feelings towards everything here. She's not the kind to be uncomfortable with what I tell her and always welcomes what I say to her but I just really worry that it'll be too much for her to handle. I've always been honest with her but I still don't see any change and I have considered that she has a busy schedule, but there was a lot more effort being made for me when we were dating for the first month without anything changing for her so I don't know... I'd like to think she takes our relationship seriously but I feel as though I'm not much of a priority anymore. I'm just not sure and would love any advice I can get. Thanks so much for hearing me out.

Corella Being ghosted
  • replies: 6

I am being ghosted by a man i spent 8 months talking with. He keptcalling me, so i took it as interest. Well i fell in love, after being chronically single. Im 42. Im childless never married. Why do ppl play these games? What should i do. I believe s... View more

I am being ghosted by a man i spent 8 months talking with. He keptcalling me, so i took it as interest. Well i fell in love, after being chronically single. Im 42. Im childless never married. Why do ppl play these games? What should i do. I believe some ppl never find love. During the 8 months i hardly cried i was so happy. Anyone got advice

WorkingWife online couples counselling
  • replies: 1

Does anyone know of any online couples counsellors that are located in Australia, but are originally from the USA? Thanks.

Does anyone know of any online couples counsellors that are located in Australia, but are originally from the USA? Thanks.

Jk2020 Don’t know how I should feel
  • replies: 6

Hi. When my husband and I first started our relationship he told me he had gotten another woman pregnant years earlier. she didn’t tell him until the baby was born and she didn’t want anything to do with him. It was a shock and I seriously questioned... View more

Hi. When my husband and I first started our relationship he told me he had gotten another woman pregnant years earlier. she didn’t tell him until the baby was born and she didn’t want anything to do with him. It was a shock and I seriously questioned wether he was the right man for me. We eventually married and now have children of our own. I am also now pregnant with our 3rd child. Then suprise- the “secret” child (now in her teens) has found him and contacted him. I knew this would happen one day, but not now. I don’t know how I’m supposed to feel. One minute I’m trying to support him and the next I feel like I hate him for putting our family through this. I also think this child has a right to know her biological background and so I am torn and very emotional. It’s really getting me down, and I feel the joy of having a new baby has been taken from me. I start to feel ok, and then as soon as she makes contact again, the emotion and anger all floods back. I want him to do what he feels he needs to do regardless of my feelings but I’m just so confused, I’m not sure how to support him but look after myself and pick myself up and move forward.

Violet_S I don’t know if I should break up with my boyfriend or not :(
  • replies: 1

Cheers to whoever reads the entire thing So, I’ve been with my bf (25) for 2 years now. before I met him I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years which i’ve never really gotten over, due to the trauma. Right now my partner and I are in a LDR. I w... View more

Cheers to whoever reads the entire thing So, I’ve been with my bf (25) for 2 years now. before I met him I was in an abusive relationship for 3 years which i’ve never really gotten over, due to the trauma. Right now my partner and I are in a LDR. I was living near him but decided to go stay with my mother in another state because of the pandemic. long distance is hard, but we’ve been coping ok. my boyfriend is a sweetheart, he treats me very well. it is the most healthiest relationship i’ve ever had, which is amazing. however, he is very immature. he has never had a job even though he did go to college. he usually plays video games all day or sorts through his lego. he is a great artist and has potential but there are no jobs available in his area due to how competitive the field is. I’ve suggested he study another course that interests him, but he isn’t enthusiastic about that. Sometimes I feel like i’m way more mature than he is and his immaturity really frustrates me. i’ve been through a lot of things and mentally I feel very mature, so there’s like this.. disconnection in who we are as people and what we’ve experienced. i’m 27 so there is definitely differences. we do share the same beliefs about the world, he is very intelligent which is part of why I fell in love with him originally.. but lately I just haven’t felt attracted to him like I did when we first met. it feels like we’re best friends, not lovers. I just don’t feel that spark. I don’t really know what to talk about anymore. it feels like our conversations are repetitive. I know that if we broke up it would hurt. i’d miss his “good morning” messages every morning. I’d miss seeing him. i’m worried i’ll make a big mistake if I let this go. to add, I suffer from depression and anxiety. it has gotten worse lately. I don’t know if that has anything to do with it. I do feel like I am going into a different direction than him. I finished a course last year and am going to uni soon for a 4 year degree. I plan on staying with my mum so I can work casually and save money while I go to uni, which seems to make the most sense. I feel like this ldr will hold the both of us back? I want him to experience more of life and grow as a person. I just feel lost. I care so much about him but I don’t know where to go from here. all I know is that something doesn’t feel right. any advice would be appreciated