Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Jump to
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

All discussions

Start a discussion

shewhomustnotbenamed How do you move out when your family are financially and emotionally dependent on you?
  • replies: 7

I am 25, and live with my sisters, mum and boyfriend. My mum had cancer when I was 17 and has recovered, but has long term complications with her health due to postoperative issues. My dad committed suicide when I was 19 and pretty much left my siste... View more

I am 25, and live with my sisters, mum and boyfriend. My mum had cancer when I was 17 and has recovered, but has long term complications with her health due to postoperative issues. My dad committed suicide when I was 19 and pretty much left my sisters and my mum to deal with everything. We were renting at the time, and decided to buy a place together with the money from his death so we could try and relieve the financial burden. This was 4 years ago. Boyfriend and I have been together for 4 years and he has lived here for 3. Me and my sisters have good jobs. I would really like to move out with my boyfriend who works full time too but financially don't know where I will be leaving the others in my current household. My sisters are happy to move out together, but it leaves my mum on her own. She doesn't have an income and struggles with chronic pain and depression her whole life. I have tried helping her to get on a disability payment but it's like pulling teeth, she is resistant to change. Understandably she has gone through a lot in her life and is in a position she didn't expect to be in, but I have felt like my life is on pause. She has refused to seek help and talk to someone as she has had some not so great experiences. We have mentioned moving out to her and what that may look like. I feel so guilty and sad about her being on her own, and not knowing how she will financially and emotionally survive, but then I also get angry because I resent that I am constantly trying to find the answers and solutions and put my life and goals on hold because to support a co-dependant relationship. She says all the time how she doesn't want to hold us back, but I feel like she has no motivation to get her life where it needs to be. I don't know where to start.. my boyfriend wants to go to. I just constantly get the "yeah yeah, we will look at it in the new year" but I just feel like things won't move. I don't even need any money from the sale of this house, my sisters and I are 100% okay to give it to my mum to set herself back up, but it won't be enough to buy something else and it wont be enough to maintain anything especially if she doesn't get onto a disability payment. I feel so mad and sad and am DESPERATELY craving emotional, physical and financial freedom. Will I ever be released from this vice? Will my mum ever be okay on her own? Will I ever not feel guilty leaving 1 parent alone? Will I ever not worry she will commit suicide the way my father did?

Wanderlust123 Online friendship and mental health
  • replies: 4

Hi all, For the past year I have been talking to a new friend online (from another city, we have never met). At first we were very close, messaging all day every day, however in the past few months it has decreased more and more. When I asked him abo... View more

Hi all, For the past year I have been talking to a new friend online (from another city, we have never met). At first we were very close, messaging all day every day, however in the past few months it has decreased more and more. When I asked him about why this was happening, he claimed I was hung up on him, that I have my own life and I shouldn't worry about him. I felt extremely hurt by this because I thought we were close and had a good relationship, but hearing it was a big "F off". We continued talking, but a bit less, and a few weeks later he told me he finds socialising tiring, he is a social recluse and doesn't want to talk to me as much. I felt bad for making him talk to me so much, but also a bit confused how he could talk to me so much at the start but only now it is a problem. And so, we have continued talking but even less as I feel I will be bothering him. This past week I've found myself sitting around, constantly checking my phone, hoping he will message me but he hasn't. I don't properly know him so don't know what he is like or experiencing in his life. But at the same time, this friendship is not good for my mental health. It's affecting my ability to engage in day to day activity and I can't get him off my mind. At times I so badly want to delete him from my life because it hurts too much, but I can't bring myself to do that. I don't know what to do and was hoping for some advice. Thanks!

Tote442 Coming out of an emotionally draining relationship
  • replies: 4

Recently, something has come up and I have had to decide to leave my house and not renew my lease. I called my girlfriend to discuss our accommodation situation, hoping to sort something out, but ended up on the receiving end of an ear bashing. This ... View more

Recently, something has come up and I have had to decide to leave my house and not renew my lease. I called my girlfriend to discuss our accommodation situation, hoping to sort something out, but ended up on the receiving end of an ear bashing. This was followed by text messages in a similar vein. She is worried about where she is going to stay, but as soon as I try to help she bites my head off. This is hard for me because I feel sorry for her and still care for her, even though she is abusive. I am in a difficult situation financially, underemployed and relying on Jobseeker. My work is winding down in December and I am facing a rate cut in January. Next year I am hoping to do study to pursue my vocation. I have a condition which, if unmanaged, can render me non-functional. As a result of isolation, I have lost my social network. And my family network is strained owing to the support I have needed in the past, which has turned family members against me. In other words, I am quite vulnerable. However, my girlfriend is dependent on me while sometimes giving herself permission to treat my like dirt. I had to learn patience while she made a habit of berating me. And just when I thought I had things under control, a circumstance has precipitated my moving out - my mental and physical health would not cope otherwise. I've tried everything in the relationship, trying to be the calm, mature, level-headed one. Nothing has worked. She lashes out at me when she is stressed. Regardless of how I stretch myself to accommodate her, the behaviour never stops. Even couples counseling failed. I already see a psychologist, who sees her as incredibly immature and spoilt. My dilemma is if I don't try to help her, I will fill guilty, thinking something terrible is going to happen to her if she doesn't find a place to stay. However, if I do help her, she will continue being abusive and could pose a significant risk to me if my decision potentially causes me financial loss. I'm torn. Despite it all, I still love her. I know there is no future in the relationship because I can't respect myself if I consent to being a punching bag. I tend to be peaceful and conflict averse.

H90 Possible DV. How to escape?
  • replies: 5

Our two youngest were unsettled last night. After 2 hrs I ask my husband to help. I said “I know you have work but you are a parent too”. Which his response was ”maybe I should murder them. I got a job (As in he has to get up early and work all day)”... View more

Our two youngest were unsettled last night. After 2 hrs I ask my husband to help. I said “I know you have work but you are a parent too”. Which his response was ”maybe I should murder them. I got a job (As in he has to get up early and work all day)”. I’m so disgusted at what he said. I texted him this morning saying please don’t say that again his response was “get over it love, you know I’m just joking” This is serious and possible DV right? I’m not just overreacting. This is the first time he’s said something of this caliber. I’m not taking it as a joke and his response this morning is just making me feel more mad because he hasn’t understood the severity of his words... How do you escape if you don’t have a job, have three kids, rely on your husbands money, don’t want to go to a shelter? And have no friends or family to help ... no physical violence just intimidation, gaslighting, threats (he says he’s just joking). I’m so lost. I need to get out. I have too. But how?

Guest_5236 trying saving 24 years, post infidelity.
  • replies: 3

My Wife & i have been together 24 yrs & married 20. we have 3 amazing children 16,14 & 12. all blissfully unaware of the torment im feeling. my wife (W) has been rock solid for all 24 yrs until recently, we both work,i myself do a standard 40 hr week... View more

My Wife & i have been together 24 yrs & married 20. we have 3 amazing children 16,14 & 12. all blissfully unaware of the torment im feeling. my wife (W) has been rock solid for all 24 yrs until recently, we both work,i myself do a standard 40 hr week & she works 3 days a week in the care industry, it is during this time that she has come into contact with a gentleman (AP) affair partner & formed an emotional & physical relationship together. 3 weeks ago i was away for the w/end catching up with a mate out west. i called home for the morning goss & my youngest answered i asked to speak with (W) & she said she wasn't home after dropping our eldest off to work @ 7am that morning, thats ok i rang her mobile had a chat & she said she was shopping for the kids & just browsing, i asked which shops & she struggled a little & i had a awful feeling, one think about have 3 teens is we all have find my phone & we are all aware of it. i checked it & it showed her at her work clients address i ask what she was doing at AP's but denied being there until i mentioned find my phone. so i asked to facetime her & she hung up on me, i tried to call a few time to no avail. i was 3 hrs drive away but heading back instead of the catchup. she called back apologetic say she didn't want me to be mad about visiting a client out of hrs, she had visited 2 weeks earlier but did tell me on her way out the do, which i was concerned for her job about. this guy was old & lonely. we are in our 40's he was late 60's to 70. Drank & smoked like crazy & was constantly lewd with his comments. 1 i was always cautious for her safety. anyway she smoothed me over on my drive home & spoke about the lie & deception long into the night. but resolved all the same. that was Sunday. she was rostered to attend to him twice that week & it felt like a normal week outside my discomfort about being lied to. on Friday her phone rang a mobile no. i picked it up off the bench but she wouldn't answer it while i was there just said it was a telemarketer. so i put down as soon as i did she picked it up & went to delete the number which i found odd, & from then on my world unfolded & sent me into an obis of hurt, pain, panic anxiousness & then emptiness over the next 4-5 day she held me in this world of Torment!

Craigoataway help
  • replies: 1

My parents are kicking me out of home by the end of this week and I don't have a place to go

My parents are kicking me out of home by the end of this week and I don't have a place to go

Jason_ Long term break finance numb with depression
  • replies: 1

Hi all needing help in this confusing time with my fiancee that feels numb and lost. Quickly we have been together for 13 years and have 2 children age 9 and 10. 3 weeks ago I caught her msging someone who turned out to be from another country and I ... View more

Hi all needing help in this confusing time with my fiancee that feels numb and lost. Quickly we have been together for 13 years and have 2 children age 9 and 10. 3 weeks ago I caught her msging someone who turned out to be from another country and I was told it meant nothing and was just someone to talk to. From there we have decided to take a break or break up, after she said she loves but doesn't love me anymore at that point. We fell into a rut for about 2 years with just a routine of work and raising kids and didnt have any fun time or alone time together. As to why I to was happy to have a break but now after a few weeks I have come to terms of all of my mistakes and there were alot from not helping around the house more etc. I have since told her all of these issues and she has said it meant alot to her to hear it from me. The problem is she is not one to communicate and always said she doesn't like other people knowing what's going on in her head. She is really lost atm and its confusing me one minute she can talk about working things out then the next just be completely shut off and just want to sleep. I moved out straight away but have since been coming back to look after kids to give her a break, cleaning the house, buying flowers taking her on dates or just getting her out of the house in general. Which has helped her but she quickly falls back into her depressive state of not looking after herself or doing anything at all. I dont know where to go from here im stuck I really love this girl and it hurts to see her like this but how do I communicate with someone that doesn't want to talk or doesn't know what to talk about herself? She was meant to see a therapist but cancelled the appointment, would it be wrong for me to book one for us to go to together?

Honeycat International love during a Pandemic: 2020's Romeo and Juliet
  • replies: 3

My partner and I havent seen each other for almost 300 days due to lockdowns. Im here in Australia, but he is in europe. Its taken a huge toll on my mental health. I can no longer watch the news without breaking down, and my dreams are now anxiety-dr... View more

My partner and I havent seen each other for almost 300 days due to lockdowns. Im here in Australia, but he is in europe. Its taken a huge toll on my mental health. I can no longer watch the news without breaking down, and my dreams are now anxiety-driven nightmares. My appetite has shrunk down to almost nothing, and im constantly on the mission to distract myself from thinking too much. Every time I see a happy couple, its another dagger in the chest because I am so overwhelmed with jealousy that they have their significant other phyiscally with them. The pain has severely damaged my social life, and now I barely leave my home without feeling panicked or lonely. There is very little support for long distance relationships impacted by Covid online, and I have very little information on when we will finally see each other again. Surely I cant be the only one feeling this constant pain? Is anyone else out there?

Katie1234 Family estrangement - Need advice on how to deal with it.
  • replies: 8

In a nutshell, I have always had a strained relationship with my sister and mother, we are just very different people with different values. I reported my sister to Child Protection over substance addiction, and a magistrate agreed her child was at r... View more

In a nutshell, I have always had a strained relationship with my sister and mother, we are just very different people with different values. I reported my sister to Child Protection over substance addiction, and a magistrate agreed her child was at risk in her care, now she has to be supervised with her child. My mother and sister are very upset about my report, saying I should have trusted them to deal with the substance use, though I know she had fallen off the wagon while pregnant multiple times. They are also upset I talked to Child Protection about her partner and concerns about things he said. It's a very long story but no one is doubting my report is accurate, they just think I should have kept quiet. Now my sister is refusing to ever see me or my family again unless I write her partners family a formal letter of apology and apologize to her. The problem is I don't feel I can do that. I am sorry for the situation her family is in and I hope it improves, but I feel I made the right decision in reporting and my report was completely honest so I'm not sorry I did it. Now my Mother has told me all family events are cancelled until I fix the situation with my sister, and she believes the onus is on me, not my sister, to fix our relationship. My father (divorced) and other sister both agree the situation is out of hand and that I should not need to apologize. So basically the whole family is going to pay for this. My other sister and dad will suffer for not being able to have whole family functions. My kids will suffer because they love their family and have no idea about the arguing (I'd like to leave them out of it). Mum and sister are upset my husband did not stop me from reporting and are now saying he is no longer welcome at family events, so they won't let him have Christmas with our children. I think this is toxic, and they are holding me to emotional ransom but If I don't play along, everyone else suffers. I just feel like I can't do this any more. I just want to cut ties completely, and after periods of non communication in the past my mental health has improved. But this is the easy, selfish way out for me, everyone else will pay for it. Has anyone else been through estrangement like this? Did you try family counseling? If so did it help? Any advice? I feel like a support group would really help me, does this exist for adult family estrangement? Thank-you for any advice or support people can offer.

Ally012 Emotionally Exhausted.
  • replies: 2

Hi Everyone, Thank-you for having me here. I hope that I can gain some insight on how to emotionally protect myself from this. First of all, it's one of those MIL treads...so if this isn't relevant or disinterests you, I'm warning you now. It's been ... View more

Hi Everyone, Thank-you for having me here. I hope that I can gain some insight on how to emotionally protect myself from this. First of all, it's one of those MIL treads...so if this isn't relevant or disinterests you, I'm warning you now. It's been a long and windy road. At first my MIL appeared to be the most kind, caring, compassionate, generous person who would go above and beyond for her family and friends with wanting nothing in return. My husband and I have been married for 8 months but her behaviour has dramatically accelerated since. Though I feel like there were always red flags along the way. E.g. When my husband and I met with our celebrant, my MIL attended our intimate meeting and sat on the same side as my husband and proceeded to give him a very long hug after we had finished as though it was her wedding. I noticed she would hug my husband for a long time in front of me. It never bothered me in the beginning, I respected the relationship they had. Fast forward, the month before our wedding my MIL rung up my husband about a potential house for sale 50 m down the road from her house. We live 4 hours away. I had my reservations but my husband insisted we do a walk through so we did. We decided it was not meant to be as the loan fell through and we weren't even looking...we were about to get married and had that to focus on. However, in that same week, MIL rang up my husband and said how great of a deal it was and that she had took out some of her super to help contribute a the remaining amount we couldn't get a lone for. I still had my reservations about the loan from MIL and suggested that my husband and I wait until we could afford something. She wouldn't let up and ended up convincing us that it was a no strings attached loan - but boy was I wrong! She completely took over the house. She painted it the colour she wanted, did the floors the way she wanted, re-done the kitchen in the way she wanted (at our expense) and told everyone she was the owner and that she had loaned us money for it. She would often call my husband up about it but not me. When I spoke to her about it and leaving things for us to decide as a couple, she was "respectful" and I thought she had listened. However, two days later she had done something else without our consent. I confronted her again and she said "I'm going to go ahead and do it anyway, so there's nothing you can do about it". That was one instance and I have ran out of characters for the rest.