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Advice Or Guidance Please!

Community Member

Hello. I’m new here.

I was googling and saw people posting similar things.

I’m a 23 yo single mother to my 13 mnth old daughter. We live alone and her father is not involed. I feel like I have no friends. I have 2 friends I still speak to but it feels like I am bothering them. They hardly message me back and when I do try to make plans they are too tired or busy. They always seem to make plans with others though. I rarely see them and when I do I almost feel awkward and like I am around strangers because we haven’t spoken or seen eachother in so long. They didn’t offer any support while I was pregnant and first had my daughter. I did everything alone and they didn’t and still don’t ask how we are doing. I don’t have a boyfriend or go out anywhere unless I need to as I always have my daughter.

I love her to pieces but she is very clingy/whingy so I avoid going to the shops and do my food/other shopping online because she usually cries and we leave mid shop. She wants to be carried always too.

I do have amazing parents and siblings but there is no support. It is more just a catch up when we see eachother. There are really busy and don’t have the time to ever babysit for me to go out and meet people.

I do not work but I study business full time at university. When I first started my degree I didn’t connect with anybody and spent my days on campus sitting alone at the back of my classes and sitting alone on breaks. Due to Covid, uni ended up online so for this year I have been at home with my little one studying. I don’t have any uni friends and I feel like I wont make any. Maybe it has been too long since having any real friends and socialising properly but I feel like I don’t even know how to talk anymore.

My daughter goes to daycare once a week while I do extra study but other than that we are together always. When I drop her to daycare I feel so awkward even talking to the workers because I don’t know what to say. I am never around people anymore and I think I just feel so lonely and like my days are repetitive and boring.

I’m not sure where I am going with this post but I guess I am looking for some advice/guidance on what to do. I see posts online of people my age with their boyfriends or proper friend groups and I feel so isolated and sad.

I tried looking into mum groups but leaving my house to be with strangers I cant even speak to just makes me feel anxioust at this point. I used to be outgoing.

Does anyone else feel this way?

Thank you for reading

2 Replies 2

Community Member

Hi cammy7. I don't have any children, but I know what it's like to feel like you have no friends. The anxiety of having to meet new people is hard. I'm no expert, but try to put yourself out there. I think those mum groups could be more helpful than you can imagine. Other women are there for support, to be able to connect with people that are experiencing similar issues, and to make friends. I know lots of women that have made fabulous friends within mum groups because they're connecting with people that are often going through the same stages. You don't need to go and spill your guts the very first time you meet the other mums, but try to at least go once and introduce yourself. Have a chat about the weather if anything. You never know where a simple 'hello' could lead. Try to give it a go x

Community Member

Hi cammy7. I think halo82 makes an excellent suggestion.

I also don't have children but I have been through times where I feel I have no friends that I can just call up whenever. It was very much outside my comfort zone to do this, but a couple of years ago I joined a girls-only Meetup social group and, even though I was terrified at the thought of going to brunch with a group of strangers, I forced myself to go to just a few. I didn't click with everyone but did make some connections with a few ladies. Turns out they were all attending alone too and were also looking to expand their friendship circles 🙂

While I don't disagree with halo82's suggestions for easing your way into discussions at mothers' groups, an alternative option is to let people at the mothers' group know you're nervous and you're not sure how you are with making connections. Starting things off with this may cause some of the mums to take you under their wing. I know it's not the same thing, but I was told by a career coach once that, if you're nervous about a presentation you're doing or a speech at work, start by telling the audience you're nervous and a bit new to this. I was told this reduces the pressure on you because everyone appreciates what you are feeling and will be a little easier on you.it's a great icebreaker, even though it might feel a bit unnatural at first.

Do you know your neighbours? How would you feel leaving a note introducing yourself to a few of them?

I know you mentioned that you see plenty of the family but generally only socially. Do you feel like you could tell any of them how you feel or see if they could support you in any way?