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I’m the one always initiating sex from my boyfriend

Community Member
So I don’t really know what to do. I have been with my boyfriend for over a year and a bit now and when we first came together it was new and exciting, we would have sex almost every day or every couple of days which I know is unrealistic over time but now, it feels like we only have it every couple of weeks and I’m always the one to initiate it. Its even more disappointing when I feel like i’m the one always trying and when he gets off, I’m still left horny and frustrated because I was unable to climax as well. The main thing I don’t like at the moment though is how much I am always wanting to get him in the mood, it feels as though he expects me to play the role and whenever he feels horny, he just waits for me to want it to initiate it. Aside from being left frustrated and like he doesn’t try for me, I also feel pretty rejected as a girl. He has said once before that hes just used to seeing me around half naked sometimes so he doesn’t quite get as excited as he used to, which really hurts my feelings because the main thing I take from that is that hes bored and doesn’t find me as sexually attractive or interesting as he used to. I feel really ugly, and a bit of a freak since I want sex so bad so often and he doesn’t seem to be interested most the times I try to get him in the mood. I want to talk it out with him but I’m worried it will turn into a fight. One thing I want to talk about is I want him to try more to make me feel good during sex, but its hard for me to imagine asking that without it being weird or turning into a fight, plus I would feel there would be extra pressure on me to climax even if I can’t and hes trying. I also feel like I can’t change how hes feeling and change his sex drive. My boyfriend has always been a really sexual guy so it hurts me to think he isn’t as interested or sexually driven to me anymore. My plan is to withdrawal a little in initiating sex so that maybe he will feel more abliged to try with me when he feels like it, I plan on watching porn to forfill my own desires in the mean time. Although I hope he changes so I don’t feel a need to do that often as I have withdrawn from watching porn ever since our relationshop started as it often makes me feel really lonely and sad afterwards. Has anyone and any girls been through this? Anyone have any advice please?
2 Replies 2

Just wondering first up are you Australian, l know funny question but your so no holes bard in the way you talk about it sounds so Americin'ish they;ll talk about such personal stuff anywhere to anyone,total strangers and splatter it all over forums and it is soooo off putting and their shows have become the same it just really kills what is suppose to be about intimacy and love.

And that could also be turning him off and he's basically told you he's lost interest. You know, you do as a guy just get use to seeing her everywhere dressed any which way 24/7 but l can tell you it really helps just like the above to keep and save those things in special ways and times. You know the saying too much of a good thing, it's true.

My lady says l shouldn't look sexy let you see me any old time any old way all the time bc you won't appreciate it anymore and she's right and that also goes for verbally and attitude and intimacy too . long term is about keeping love special , personal , intimate, feelings . But talking the way you do above to total strangers in so much detail we don't even need to know , says that probably glows through into your ways around bf at home too and will kill it. Keep it special , tone it back , see if that helps.



Community Member

Hi Guest7890

My advice for what it is worth is be yourself and if you are comfortable expressing yourself in a certain way do so.

Expressing your desires and needs to you partner is extremely important and you should do that. A satisfying sexual relationship with someone you care about seems very important to you and you should be able to have that type of relationship. It would seem that something has changed in your relationship, has there been anything? Has something happened and has his general behavior towards you changed?

Is you friendship still strong and what is holding you and keeping you in the relationship?

I hope i may have prompted you to question other things.