Hi there,
This is my first forum post, and one I never imagined making. I (23F) was recently broken up with by an amazing guy (22M). We had been dating for a little over a year - we celebrated our one-year anniversary in November. We were taking things slowly because it was my first relationship, and he had only dated briefly before meeting me.
I was completely comfortable with the slow pace as we got to know each other before becoming exclusive. I never expected a major commitment from him because we are still young. I did ask him what certain milestones meant to him, but ultimately what mattered most to me was that we were moving toward a future together, whatever the timeline. I wasn’t in any hurry.
I truly believed everything was going well. There were no signs that he was considering ending things. I met his parents a couple of weeks before the break-up, and every date felt special. He told me he liked and admired me very much - and I felt the same. We loved spending time together.
On Saturday, he messaged me to arrange a lunch date. I was excited, because we usually had weekly dates and nightly check-ins. Nothing seemed off, except that he didn’t spend the night, but he had other plans and I understood.
On Sunday morning, I got all dressed up for our date, not knowing what was coming. He messaged asking if he could come over earlier. I was happy to see him sooner. I was in the bathroom when he arrived and left the door unlocked. He asked if anyone else was home, and I told him no.
When I came out, I found him sobbing. I sat him down and asked what was wrong. He struggled to speak, but finally said that he needed to end things. He told me he had been crying for days and felt he couldn’t commit - that I knew what I wanted, and he couldn’t give me what I deserved. I didn’t agree, because what we had was exactly what I wanted. He said I needed someone who would commit and take care of me - but he already did that, and I wasn’t asking for more. He also said he did not want to lead me on which made no sense to me.
At one point he paused to think and walk for a bit, and I hoped he might change his mind. He asked me to hold off on calling my friends, but I tried calling one anyway and she didn’t pick up. He must have seen me, because when he came back he said we needed to end it now and not prolong things.
Everything had felt perfect earlier that week, which is why I’m so confused. I reached out once afterward, but he didn’t respond, so I haven’t sent anything else. It’s been a few days now, and he still follows me on Instagram and LinkedIn.
During the breakup, I pleaded with him to stay and listen to what I wanted for us. I told him I would wait for him, but he said I shouldn’t, because he isn’t sure he’d be ready to commit even in 5–10 years. I’m afraid that I somehow caused this. He has always been such a rational, thoughtful person, so this felt completely out of character.
Should I blame myself? How long should I wait for a response - I really want clarity. And how do I deal with this heartbreak over Christmas, especially since this is my first heartbreak? I truly believed I loved this man, and he is a genuinely good person, so I don’t fault him for anything.
Sorry for the long post. Has anyone in this irrational and emotional state ever reached out afterwards for clarity, or even to possibly make up?
