I did a stupid thing

[Flashfire]

My relationship broke up 4 months ago and my ex-partner and I have been trying to cohabit as we are not able to move into individual accommodations. It's been hard, there have been days when we barely speak to each other, there are other days when we have tried to talk but it is going around in circles. My ex-partner is trying to move on and I guess I have been trying to find a way to get the relationship back. But every time I ask her what it is she wants, she tells me. "I don't know" I feel as if she has made some decisions but she is not sharing them with me and it's frustrating. This weekend she went away and I am home, I knew she has been journalling, so her journal and I read it, and yes, I know this is a terrible breach of her privacy, and I should not have done it. But it answered some of my questions. I now know that the relationship is irreconcilable, she has accused me of so many things in this journal that are just not true and I feel so sad because the person I spent 31 years of my life with, doesn't know me at all. She has been reading books on co-dependency and from what I have read it seems to me that there is the giver and a taker and she is making it sound like I am the taker, needy, selfish, self centred, manipulative, she has accused me of gas lighting ( I don't even know what that means!) lying, being deceitful and money hungry (for her money) I feel so destroyed by this, I don't know how I am going to face her but I can't confess what I did because to her it would just prove that she is right not to trust me. I don't know what to do. 

Lee

[randomxx]

Hi there lee , sorry to hear about the situation.

Sorry to say though but it does sound like she is are pretty well done , it's very hard l know , been there too unfortunately. l also found out ex w had been discussing our life , marriage and big bad me in emails with God knows who and everyone else, although l didn't read them.

l would've if l'd wanted to that'd be no worse than what she was doing along with other things too, but l didn't read them.

All those yrs for you , it's a long time and l'm sorry to hear it.

l also get the her knowing you at all my partner now as gorgeous as she mostly is gets also though some very weird ideas in her head about me too.

lt must be so hard still living together and coping but given the ways she's sounding pretty final ldk. l think l'd try to just be as normal as l can,treat her as a flat mate and get on with my life coming and going anytime l please and doing what l want without needing to explain anything any more .

And l think too l'd forget any us talk or thoughts of rekindling and try to just be living accordingly.

That;d be for you but never do know either, it may just get her thinking too.

Good luck anyway.

rx