Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Jay89 I can’t forgive myself for things I have done in the past
  • replies: 4

Hello to anyone who reads this, I hope everyone is okay. Back in 2016 I left my future wife for someone else who I’m no longer with. Since then my life has been somewhat a demolition in my own mind. We had everything we could want in a relationship w... View more

Hello to anyone who reads this, I hope everyone is okay. Back in 2016 I left my future wife for someone else who I’m no longer with. Since then my life has been somewhat a demolition in my own mind. We had everything we could want in a relationship we shared some amazing memories overseas and here in Aus. She was originally from England and we did 1 year long distance which I really enjoyed being able to Skype with her everyday and learn what love was about without physical interaction. My whole family loved her as she had a warm homely feeling about her. She was a very unique person. It’s now 6 years since we broke up and I’m still feeling terrible and I haven’t been able to love someone as much as I did her. Every time I meet someone new now that could potentially be a partner I stop myself because I don’t feel I deserve anyone because of what happened in the past. I feel disgusting as a human being and feel now that nothing means anything to me. I’ve always had issues growing up with low self esteem and anxiety and now it just keeps getting worse. Is there anyone who has been in a similar situation or could help me?

Scared_and_Confused Anxiety and Depression in Relationship - Love or Not?
  • replies: 94

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 9 months. The first few weeks of getting together I can only describe as bliss, and I was the happiest I had felt in a long time. I would get excited to see him. I couldn't stop smiling and everything t... View more

I have been with my boyfriend for a little over 9 months. The first few weeks of getting together I can only describe as bliss, and I was the happiest I had felt in a long time. I would get excited to see him. I couldn't stop smiling and everything that comes with being in a new relationship you really like and begin to really love.After the first two weeks of officially getting together though, something happened. I was at work one day and in the morning I thought that I was really falling in love with him and it made me very happy to think. However later that day when things were quiet I started to question: "Is this really what love is?" "Is this love or lust?" "Is it wrong to think like this?" Then I couldn't get these questions off my mind. I resorted to Google at the time and read horrible things like 'If you're questioning love then you're not in love.' and I started to freak out. I started to talk to my Mum and she's been helping me through it all but nothing she says really sinks in, and I still have these thoughts and question why I am having these thoughts. For the first month I woke up early mornings and unable to sleep. I was somehow able to get through this in time.My boyfriend knew something was up and he has been my rock and trying his best to support me through this too. However up until recently he said he cannot cope anymore because nothing is sinking in. I'm now really struggling with my thoughts. I'm waking up in the morning feeling sick again like I did a long time ago and it immediately makes me think about the relationship. My palms are always sweaty and my head is always feeling fuzzy. I have thoughts racing through my head every single day and I am always tired. I am on medication.I'm upset and I can't relax and I cannot just accept that everything in my mind is anxiety. I keep trying but unable to switch off. I have been told by my councilor that I have sever anxiety (with ODC tendencies), and by my psych that I have Depression and going through something called anhedonia. My thoughts recently that I have to break up with him have been in my head and it's making me panic and cry all the time. My chest hurts, I cant breathe and sometimes feel like throwing up. I cant concentrate at work and have no motivation to do anything I used to enjoy doing.

AW-1972 I feel distant from my friends.
  • replies: 3

This is my first time posting on here. I feel distant from friends and family, all of my friends don't talk to me and the ones that do just hang up after 15 minutes. I feel sad about it all. I try to keep in touch with my best friend, but High School... View more

This is my first time posting on here. I feel distant from friends and family, all of my friends don't talk to me and the ones that do just hang up after 15 minutes. I feel sad about it all. I try to keep in touch with my best friend, but High School has made him no longer talk to me as much. I am not sure how to explain my feelings atm.

iceamarello Anxious cause of Silent Treatment??
  • replies: 12

My boyfriend of 6 months and I had our first fight during Christmas which involves Covid tolerances. He then disappeared, ignored my texts for 6 days until I ask him to break the silence and he told me that he was in a difficult position between choo... View more

My boyfriend of 6 months and I had our first fight during Christmas which involves Covid tolerances. He then disappeared, ignored my texts for 6 days until I ask him to break the silence and he told me that he was in a difficult position between choosing to spend Christmas with me vs. protecting his family from getting any unwanted exposures. I apologised. He went a bit distant after, he doesn't text me as often, he delayed his responses for over a day and he doesn't seem affectionate and ignores all questions about how he feels which made me anxious. I feel like we still need to go through what happened and I just wanted to settle unsettling things with him/resolve the issue or at least hear me out. I sent a message to ask to see him face to face (we live an hour away) and to chat under covid safe rules. He ignored me again. I am getting really anxious for not getting answers. Is this normal for me? I am at lost as to how I can reach him. Is this a Silent Treatment? or is this just "leave me alone, I need more space on my feelings" type of scenario? What can I do to settle myself down? Ive spoken to my closest friends and family but I can't seem to get my mind off it. Any advices?

Dad_who_doesnt_know_what_ Father, Grandfather needs needs advice quick!
  • replies: 8

Ive been scouring the internet for any advice I can get. I'm the father of a 22 year old who suffers anxiety and depression and is possibly ADHD. She is the mother of two kids, 4 and 2 and lives with her partner and has done for just over four years ... View more

Ive been scouring the internet for any advice I can get. I'm the father of a 22 year old who suffers anxiety and depression and is possibly ADHD. She is the mother of two kids, 4 and 2 and lives with her partner and has done for just over four years in a tiny 2 bed unit. She told me today that she's at the end, Suicide is her answer. I listened to her and she is a very mixed up kid. I offered to help her with a psych and pay for everything, or she can do it all and ill pay the bill, anything so she gets help sooner rather than later. How do I get her to start looking after her mental health? I wrote an absolute novel to describe the whole situation but it wouldn't allow me to post. Basically my daughter has done and is doing everything she can to make life more difficult for herself, she's always smoking weed, today I saw my grandkids in a pair of undies and singlet and nappy between them with everything else unwashed with dirty nappies thrown in the dirty clothes pile, the house looked like a slum. The kids never leave the house due to my daughters anxiety and social phobias. it makes me want to cry! I don't say anything out of basic fear that she'll stop speaking to me and then I'll never know how my grandkids are doing. I offer to help with anything and everything, I give her cash as her partners out of work and broke, they have his 12 year old sister living with them due to more disturbing concerns. what do I do?

Sean_M2 First time posting here - Struggling with Relationship/Loss/Life Changes.
  • replies: 6

Hi Everyone, This is my first time posting on here, I am 34 years old, I have had depression/anxiety for just over 3 years now. It came on after a break up with my previous girlfriend, we had been together for almost 9 years. I found myself in a horr... View more

Hi Everyone, This is my first time posting on here, I am 34 years old, I have had depression/anxiety for just over 3 years now. It came on after a break up with my previous girlfriend, we had been together for almost 9 years. I found myself in a horrendous cycle of anxiety & depression when she wanted to move back home to Spain. I loved her more than anything, but was caught up in a cycle of thinking about the future. I agreed to move to Spain with her, but she wanted to stay in Australia longer. I was on the merry-go-round of anxiety and depression, I would break up with her because the anxiety was too much, then I would get back together with her because i missed her so much. This went on for 8 months and it drove me into the biggest big hole of depression. Eventually i couldn't take it anymore and i went to Europe to escape the torture I was going through. While in the UK I met somebody else, we started spending time together, i laughed and felt joy for the first time in so long. We travelled together continuing the relationship, however my mind was still very unsettled at this stage, I wanted to pursue the relationship, however I still had mixed feelings about everything. We ended up getting separated when Australia closed its boarders. The Government wouldn't allow her to come and wouldn't allow me to leave. just as her visa was about to get approved, they would push it out longer, and longer again with no indication of when she would be allowed in. This was extremely an stressful situation, we were reunited 14 months later. She is now 5 months pregnant with the baby due at the beginning of June. Unfortunately I am still facing major depressive episodes, many times i don't feel anything, I have no positive feelings about the future, suicidal thoughts running around my head. I have tried anti depressants, which don't really seem to do anything. She doesn't have any family or friends here, I try to support her the best I can, but a lot of the time I just cry non stop as the depression is so heavy. i know it is starting to effect her and all the stress can't be good for the baby. I resigned from my job last week after spending 9 years with the same company. I just couldn't go on any longer. Right now I am just focusing on myself doing meditation and exercise everyday, however I feel hopeless most of the time, I just want to get my happiness back so I can be a good partner and father to my child. Advise would be greatly appreciated. Thanks Sean

idkwot2do My wife left me, my kids are hurting and I’m Lost
  • replies: 5

Yesterday my wife said she was taking the kids ‘out for a bit’. An hour and a half later I get a text saying ‘there’s a letter for you in the study’. The letter said she was leaving me and she will have told the kids by the time I read it. my immedia... View more

Yesterday my wife said she was taking the kids ‘out for a bit’. An hour and a half later I get a text saying ‘there’s a letter for you in the study’. The letter said she was leaving me and she will have told the kids by the time I read it. my immediate reaction was to call and to know where my children were, I could hear them crying in the background and it sounded outside so I started driving around hoping to find them. Eventually she called me saying she was dropping the kids back. She dropped them at the end of the street and they ran crying back to the house. my Son is 9yo and trying to bottle it in my daughter is 14 and just feels abandoned. I can’t even begin to process my pain when my children are hurting so much. My daughter begs me to fix it and make mum come back she doesn’t understand my wife has no interest in fixing things. Does anyone have any experience in how to help children through this. We haven’t slept we just pace around randomly bursting into tears but unable to help each other

Ely_ How to let my walls down when I've been hurt so much?
  • replies: 1

I feel like I always end up back at rock bottom. I trust someone or people. I let my guard down, let myself believe that they are a good person. Then things go wrong and they turn out to be a completely different person, to the point that they are un... View more

I feel like I always end up back at rock bottom. I trust someone or people. I let my guard down, let myself believe that they are a good person. Then things go wrong and they turn out to be a completely different person, to the point that they are unbelievably opposite of the good I saw I've been burnt so many times. Used, abused, chewed up and spat out. I am now feeling like even support workers/companies are doing the same thing. They always say the right thing to get you to sign the dotted line, then a few weeks or months pass and things inevitably change. They show no true compassion or understanding for those with mental illness. Just lack of empathy and non communication. And then they claim when you leave the company that you only did it 'because you didn't get your way'. Ummm.... no there were months of issues that I tried to resolve, and I've now had to complain to the commission because nothing has been done. I have started with a new company over the last week and a half, but it is so hard. The ladies they are sending have no prior experience w support work, let alone MH. They have very little to no professional boundaries. And, I'm struggling to even communicate with them. One lady is studying psychology at Uni, which is nice in theory, but practically is presenting issues, as she seems to think she is here to be an extra therapist or something. She keeps asking me questions and pushing me for information. I had to ask her to leave the other night after she asked if a friend who I had mentioned had visited, was a 'romantic' friend... She made me so uncomfortable. So unprofessional, that is none of her business. I have been having a lot of trouble recently where I have been regressing and not wanting to communicate to people at all, so my SC and I came up with a card I can put out when I am overwhelmed to let them know to leave me alone/give me space/time out. I just need them to understand that I can't have my walls down anymore. It's too hard. I've been hurt too much. I hurt too much right now. I feel like I can't talk to them/shouldn't talk to them, tell anyone anything about me. I shouldn't risk getting close to people. If I could be so wrong about that person. I could just risk being wrong and hurt and more broken again.

josh.throw Wife cheated and I am broken
  • replies: 7

I found out that my wife (together 12 years, married for 3, no kids) has been cheating on me (online affair, with plans to meet). We have had our ups and downs, but always a strong bond and desire to stay with each other. About a week ago - I walked ... View more

I found out that my wife (together 12 years, married for 3, no kids) has been cheating on me (online affair, with plans to meet). We have had our ups and downs, but always a strong bond and desire to stay with each other. About a week ago - I walked into the bedroom and found her taking a nude of herself. At first, she said it was for me (something she has never done before). I took her phone and could see she had been sexting someone else for 1 week (chatting for 3 weeks). There were plans to meet in person (he was going to travel from another country). She claims she has become depressed during the last 6 months (which I wasn't aware of). Prior to these 6 months, she said it was the 'best time in our relationship' ever. In short, about 6 months ago I became sick. Bouncing from specialist to specialist with chronic pain. I think in time, I will get a diagnosis of something like MS or similar. There has been (during this time) a lack of physical intimacy due to my health, but I felt connected (and she agreed I asked her today). During the last 6 months, we have been doing things together as much as we can (daily walks, watching tv, and other little things we share - sending each other cute photos of animals, etc etc). Most nights, I struggle with sleep, and we fall asleep holding hands. She has been doing most of the cooking and cleaning (due to my health). I thank her most days, and she replies with a smile saying no need to thank her. We have been isolated from most things with other people, due to covid (i can't get vaccinated fully and my Dad has been very unwell / at risk). Just a select group of people we meet up with. However, she didn't want to meet up with her friends (even in a park) & also stopped calling her family as much (which I didn't realize). This affair has come as a shock to me and my friends who thought we were in such a great place. I love her with all my heart and I am wildly attracted to her. I just can't trust her, she did this while I am sick, she was caught, didn't confess, didn't find the guilt to stop this herself at the time, and now claims it's because of her mental health that she did this. I'm hurt, ashamed, and lost my feeling of masculinity. Most of all, I feel an overwhelming sense of loss for our relationship. I can't rationalize this, & feel as though I will never be able to move past it.

JustineW I Left My Boyfriend Because He Didn’t Like My Kids
  • replies: 3

Hi allIm a single mum. Have been for over 7 years. My son just moved out age 19 and daughter soon turned 12. Last year I started seeing a man - for the first time since my marriage broke down in 2014. He was 18 years older and his children are all ad... View more

Hi allIm a single mum. Have been for over 7 years. My son just moved out age 19 and daughter soon turned 12. Last year I started seeing a man - for the first time since my marriage broke down in 2014. He was 18 years older and his children are all adult and moved out. As it was my first time dating in over 6 years, my daughter hated it. She still wants me to stay single and have me all to herself. She hardly sees her father. Anyway the man i was seeing didn’t want to include my daughter. He came to my house only 3 times and said he doesn’t have the patience for kids. I would go visit him and my daughter could come for small periods of time such as to swim in his pool. I told him it wasn’t going to work. She is my daughter and can’t be excluded and him and I have a warped relationship hardly seeing one another. I ended it but he was really annoyed and told me that nobody would tolerate my daughter, he’s not the bad guy and she will soon be a teenager living her own life. i don’t agree. To me children come first and should be included in a relationship. I know there’s women out there would have walked away instantly and I wish I had too. How does anyone think it’s ok to date someone and not want anything to do with the most important people in their life - their children?