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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Rose.8 Relationship with my mum is bad
  • replies: 3

My mum and I have a very up and down relationship, sometimes she’s amazing and we get along and then other times we’re screaming at eachother and I feel like I hate her. She works from home and it’s so frustrating trying to tiptoe around her, she wor... View more

My mum and I have a very up and down relationship, sometimes she’s amazing and we get along and then other times we’re screaming at eachother and I feel like I hate her. She works from home and it’s so frustrating trying to tiptoe around her, she works on the dining table and for literally 3 years I’ve been telling her to put a desk in her room because she screams and tells people to shut up whenever they try use the kitchen or lounge room. It’s so annoying. She always makes excuses though like her rooms too messy which it is, absolutely disgusting clothes piled up that if I threw out she probably wouldn’t even realise or miss, she always has food packets everywhere, spilt drinks on the table and never cleaned, she’s literally as bad as a kid if not worse…… my dad only makes his side of the bed and his side of the room is clean. He is also sick of it. My mum has been really annoying me. It’s gotten to the point where everything my mum does, makes and cringe, makes me angry and annoyed. She could sneeze and it would make me angry……. I don’t know why I feel this way. The other day I was making myself dinner and she walked passed and burped and I got angry and was like wtf can you not, and she instantly just said “f off, if you think I’m disgusting move out”. This is her go to. Today I asked her to move her car from behind mine because she parked diagonally on the drive way and I asked her not to park like that and again she told me to “f off move out if you don’t like the way I do things”. I can’t communicate anything to her without her saying “I’m such a bad mum aren’t I” “that’s just the way I am deal with it”. I am confused. I’m not saying she’s a horrible mum, she literally does everything for me, gives me money, picks me up after nights out, respects my privacy ect. So I feel like I’m overreacting when these situations happen. once we were in public and she screamed at me and everyone looked. I was super embarrassed and I spoke to her the day after and I told her I didn’t like the way she spoke to me, I tried so hard to calmly communicate with her and she told me that she didn’t remember and why should she be sorry for something she can’t remember or apparently to her didn’t even happen………. she’s a good mum, but she also brings out the biggest rage and anger inside of me. I am confused about our relationship.

Madee I’m wondering if i have been involved in “parental alienation”.
  • replies: 3

How do you know? what are the signs? can I talk to someone? I am not sure what to do. i am better talking, since my ex husband hit me I’ve suffered from seizures and There are other things he did, I protected the kids and I feel as though I failed. w... View more

How do you know? what are the signs? can I talk to someone? I am not sure what to do. i am better talking, since my ex husband hit me I’ve suffered from seizures and There are other things he did, I protected the kids and I feel as though I failed. what advice can you give me?

PositivePolly Serial Cheater
  • replies: 5

Hi, After some my best friend & support during challenging time together, my dad passing, 2 bouts of cancer (One of which left me infertile) and 2 very intense surrogacy journeys. We've been through so much, and worked hard to create the life we have... View more

Hi, After some my best friend & support during challenging time together, my dad passing, 2 bouts of cancer (One of which left me infertile) and 2 very intense surrogacy journeys. We've been through so much, and worked hard to create the life we have. It makes me so sad to think that that is very possibly all over. He is a serial cheater (with the same lady), a serial liar and has significant anger issues (towards himself not the family) and mental health issues (that have been untreated). When our first daughter was newborn (2016) I caught him sexting someone else. We worked through it, went counselling. Then just before our 2nd child was born, caught again, he denied it until he could deny no more - evidence was clear. Same lady. He admitted they were having a full affair (2019). Devastating. We went through couples counselling. I was determined to do all I could to keep our family unit together. A few weeks ago found a text from this same lady. Again he denied - until there was too much evidence to deny. He admits to 6 months of phone sex. His adamant nothing physical, either way it's an affair. Our kids adore their dad-friend's think he is the nicest- he does a lot for our family and I'm not sure how I could have survived without him. He is not coping with the consequences of finding out about affair. When confronted about the affair he got very aggressive (towards himself), he has been self harming (scratching) - he grabbed a knife at one stage (nothing ever directed towards me or the kids). He repeatedly tells me that all he wants is to be with me and the kids, he loves us. he wants nothing to do with the other lady (I've heard all this before). Though he says if his not with me he doesn't want to live. I ask him what did he think was going to happen? He says he was only thinking about himself, his very remorseful. I ask him why - he says its because his sexual drive is so high. He has promised me over and over that he will do all he can to change=taking meds, seeing a psychiatrist etc. He has addiction issues - previously drugs, alcohol - his sober now. My head is spinning, I'm confused & can't talk to anyone(aside from mum) due to judgement. His parents know - apparently his dad did something similar(I keep being told 'it's genetics'). I just want to do the right thing for my family, he genuinely was my best friend. We are due to see a couples counsellor this week

Rupes79 Mental health and isolation
  • replies: 5

Hi All, Has anyone else also found that mental health issues isolated them from friends and family? It’s like I just can’t explain where I am at and I don’t feel comfortable being in the presence of those I know best. It just all gets too hard someti... View more

Hi All, Has anyone else also found that mental health issues isolated them from friends and family? It’s like I just can’t explain where I am at and I don’t feel comfortable being in the presence of those I know best. It just all gets too hard sometimes and easier to isolate yourself than have to explain yourself. Thanks

adamc Expressing Likeness for Women Results in Negative Responses
  • replies: 16

Let me fully explain myself. I have never been considered good looking and over the years, whenever I have expressed a friendly liking for someone, they always respond like I make them weak to the stomach. In High School, I opened my heart to a girl ... View more

Let me fully explain myself. I have never been considered good looking and over the years, whenever I have expressed a friendly liking for someone, they always respond like I make them weak to the stomach. In High School, I opened my heart to a girl thinking she liked me only for her to tell her friends everything I said. Another girl, when we worked as office monitors for the day, she asked me who in our class I liked and when I pointed at her, she responded with "Eewww!!" Another girl who i thought was the prettiest girl in the whole school, I wrote a letter expressing my liking for her, she responded by making prank calls to my home. When I gave Xmas cards to some female shop assistants in JB Hi-Fi who were always friendly and cheerful to me, they left about a week later. A couple of Chinese women I was talking to online a couple of years who I expressed a liking for, turned out be only interested in how much money I'd spend on them. My Dad had a lovely and friendly podiatrist who quite often fell down ill. I gave her a "Get Well Soon" card with a little message saying how nice she is and if I ever needed to see a podiatrist, I'd love to be treated by her. Dad never saw her again. And now, recently I joined eHarmony as a small part of me would like to end up with a nice woman while the other half wanted to see who would express an interest in me. I send smiles and ice-breakers to show my interest and they instantly delete their profiles. I just can't understand why.

Guest_342 Overwhelmed
  • replies: 3

My partner moved from interstate into my house. We chatted every day but only got to travel interstate occasionally for a weekend between all the COVID restrictions. We split up twice during that time due to the stress I was under in Melbourne. The s... View more

My partner moved from interstate into my house. We chatted every day but only got to travel interstate occasionally for a weekend between all the COVID restrictions. We split up twice during that time due to the stress I was under in Melbourne. The second time he didn't take kindly to it but got back in contact late last year and I (stupidly?) asked if he would like to try again. While there is ample room where we live, I felt like someone was in my space. And I find the joint decisions hard. I explained to him a month ago that I was struggling. Nothing really came of it and I have since become more overwhelmed by the change. I especially find bedtime hard and when I come home, I feel trapped and miserable. We have two showers and there is not enough space for both of our towels to hang in my usual ensuite so I have used the other shower for the past month (I volunteered). I am irritable and less tolerant. I don't want any intimacy either for now, as my feelings are slightly resentful and it makes me less attracted. I told him on the weekend that I was feeling overwhelmed and that perhaps we moved too fast and too soon (and rushed because he got a work transfer that was to begin with about a month's notice). I said I wondered whether changing living arrangements for a little while to allow us to grow our connection without the stress of living together might help and that I don't know if the current situation was sustainable. He questioned how living apart could work. Two days later he texted me from work and said all he could come up with is if he sleeps in the other bedroom for a while and use the other shower so I can get my living quarters back. I said I'd like to chat that evening about it. That evening he didn't bring it up, despite my trying to bring it up on our walk by saying, yes, I think we could both do with a good sleep. He proceeded to get into our shared bed that night - though, I reminded him that he said we both need a good sleep so he moved to the other bed. But now it's like he's not willing to entertain the option of living separately (pointing out that he did mention that option before he moved - though, I don't remember that) and seems he wants to persist with the current situation. He's acting normally and all I can see if an elephant in the room. I can't see how that would work and his persisting with it makes me feel like he's discounting the impact it has on me.

LF1986 Post covid world and relationships
  • replies: 4

It’s apparent to me now but I was never one to make friends easily. Nor it seems to hold on to them forever. I think covid has made peoples friendship circles smaller. I used to see people when I could but always felt I was initiating then covid hit ... View more

It’s apparent to me now but I was never one to make friends easily. Nor it seems to hold on to them forever. I think covid has made peoples friendship circles smaller. I used to see people when I could but always felt I was initiating then covid hit and it changed even more. I don’t hear from anyone ever. Tried a few times but it feels one sided as though I haven’t made the inner circle of my ‘friends’ has anyone else experienced this? As an example friend bought a house, one moved state, one is pregnant, one has had ivf on her own and no clue other than generic social media updates. I did get upset I didn’t know and was met with comments or just say congratulations. curious if anyone else is experiencing this in their lives?

Adrienne1712 No Confidence with People and Very Alone
  • replies: 2

Hello to members of this forum, Firstly, I am sorry to hear of your problems, but reading your problems has made me feel like I am not the only anti-social weirdo in the world. And no, that is a name for me, not for any of you. I just meant that othe... View more

Hello to members of this forum, Firstly, I am sorry to hear of your problems, but reading your problems has made me feel like I am not the only anti-social weirdo in the world. And no, that is a name for me, not for any of you. I just meant that other people are experiencing lots of problems too, and the really hard problems seem to always involve other people. There is a lot of very good advice on this site, but mostly it involves going out and meeting other people. I am not at all good with people and usually avoid them where possible. This has been quite possible for me for a long time as my husband and I have been very close, and share most interests. This has now changed over the last six months with him joining a club and participating and socialising with these people every week. It then turned into twice a week and I said that I felt I have been left behind and have no life. I then started going out alone for little outings and he became envious of my outings, and then dropped his second social event each week. But now things have returned with a vengeance. He has told me that he wants to meet more people and become more socially active with others. He has also suggested that I should go out and meet people, which would give me someone to talk to. Maybe I am being a little pessimistic here, but it looks like our life together is about to change, and he wants a new life elsewhere. This has led me to being frightened and feeling very alone. I understand that going out and meeting people would be helpful but it is not an area that I have any confidence in, or any recent experience with (and when I say recent I mean for the last ten years). I would very much appreciate any suggestions as to how I might get started on this problem .. baby steps please.

AdeleO Smacking and hating life
  • replies: 4

I don't know what to do anymore. My partner suffers from mental health issues (his father took his life plus 2 other relatives so it's big in his family). He's suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I've known him.He's on medication but ... View more

I don't know what to do anymore. My partner suffers from mental health issues (his father took his life plus 2 other relatives so it's big in his family). He's suffered from anxiety and depression for as long as I've known him.He's on medication but doesn't think therapy is of any help.He goes into slumps every so often, days in bed and I just have to deal with it as much as it drives me crazy.But we have 2 young kids and he's really not coping with the demands of that and life in general.Our 5 yr old son sends us insane at times and the smaking from my partner is now becoming a daily occurrence, as much as he tries to be a good dad he just can't handle our son.I'm constantly on alert defending my son for his behaviour and coming to his defence to avoid a smack and it's exhausting.He has no family or friends in Australia and knows he has nothing without us but he still won't make any effort to do something. If he won't go to therapy and lets his meds run out, what do I do?And how do I stop the smaking?? The constant negativity from him and lack of joy is draining me. I can't parent him and shouldn't have to but want to help him for all our sakes...

Jenif Long term estrangement from parents
  • replies: 8

Hi everyone. First time posting on anything like this. I’m wondering if anyone out there may have similar feelings to me. I am the daughter of two parents living with personality disorders and from a very early age fell into the rescuer role to help ... View more

Hi everyone. First time posting on anything like this. I’m wondering if anyone out there may have similar feelings to me. I am the daughter of two parents living with personality disorders and from a very early age fell into the rescuer role to help them deal with their mental health. My parents have a toxic codependent relationship yet often confide secrets to me that they don’t share with each other, which has put me in many difficult situations over the years. I’m now an adult and have realised that I am unable to continue being in this role and allowing my parents to treat me as a counsellor and then discard me when Im not needed anymore. We’ve have countless family breakdowns and have gone over a year at a time without speaking but this time, following an argument where my trust was severely betrayed, I’ve come to the conclusion that our relationship is no longer able to survive. I’ve tried countless times to fix the relationship but it’s not possible, which took me a long time to accept. I feel that a lot of people out there who haven’t experienced this deep pain and rejection from their own parents find it difficult to relate to my experience and compare it to their feelings of grief during a breakup with a romantic partner, which is totally different and a little accidentally invalidating. It’s just a totally different kind of pain because your parents are supposed to show unconditional care forever. The hurt caused my parental rejection is so deep, particularly after a lifetime of trying to help them navigate their martial issues as well as mental health. I’m wondering if anyone out there who has been estranged from their parents for more than 1-2 years could share with me how they have sat with their emotions over the years and how they have changed? Does it get easier? Do you start to forget the pain? How do you deal with people when they ask about your family? I would love to hear from those who understand that relationships cannot always be fixed and have lived with parental estrangement long term. Thanks so much in advance