Struggling with Loneliness (beyond the holiday season) - How do you stay connected?

eScootsy · ‎29-12-2022

Hey everyone, this year I experienced a big shift in some friendships and our dynamic changed a lot. I went from talking to some people daily to maybe hearing from them once a week or less often. We don't really have conversations until we meet up and having a brief:

How are you?

I'm great but so tired, what about you?

I'm not going so great.

And seeing that they're offline and I don't receive a reply for 5 days isn't really working for me anymore. I have met up with my specific friends maybe 4 times in 6 months since then and I'm the one who proposes it every time... I know they're unwell sometimes and also have their own mental health struggles, but sometimes it's really hard to process going from talking to them so often to almost never. I also know that being offline is really healthy for my friends and that they are making some great memories together (as they also started dating each other earlier this year). However, I really don't have that many friends and as it stands aside from work, I only see one other person maybe once a week or fortnightly. My housemate also just moved out so I'll be living alone for the next 2 months and a bit. My parents live more than an hour away, my sister lives close but she's also suffering with depression and bad thoughts, and historically has never really suggested meeting up because her job is exhausting on top of her mental health.

I've tried looking at clubs, but my local library tends to run things on weekdays and I have a full-time job. There are gardening groups in the local park that are run monthly I'm interested in joining and a monthly meetup I go to after work as well, but I'm feeling really disconnected from people and every time I think this it brings me to tears. I just want to find a way to connect with people and maybe do some face-to-face meetups through some method. I'm in a lot of Discord forums but almost everyone in the group is in the US (so a totally opposite time zone and I've had almost no discussions with them because every time I'm free, they're asleep). I'm not sure that online meetups/hangouts are working for me right now either.

Does anyone know any way to make more connections so I don't keep feeling so alone?

smallwolf · ‎29-12-2022

hello and welcome.

What I am about to say might seem a little odd, but a book that I have read recently ...

Together: Loneliness, Health and What Happens When We Find Connection
by Vivek H. Murthy (Author)

talks about this very topic. It mentions 3 ways for maintaining connections. If you happen to read this book you will find a lot of other ideas but whether these are possible is another thing. The ways mentioned include (and I can only recall two of these at the moment) are talking to friends, family and relatives using technology like video and the other one I remember is the volunteering.

You might also be able to find groups through Facebook? What sort of things do you like to do?

Have you tried looking for groups in your area?

From some of the work I do, I know that it can be the hard to find groups as some places do not have the ability to advertise to make themselves known.

Hope some of this help you?

eScootsy · ‎30-12-2022

Good morning smallwolf, thank you for your reply.

I haven't found any groups on FB aside from a park maintenance one that I joined a few months ago, but I was not able to get to the park they maintain because of the distance (now I have a bike so I think I could make it).

My friends aren't online anymore to talk to; their mental health and energy levels have taken a massive dive over the last 6 months and so they only go online once every 4 to 5 days, and to be completely honest, online meetings are not enough for me anymore.

Sites I've checked actually has nothing in my area that I am interested in. I don't enjoy board games so that eliminates the only two active groups. I am part of a Korean language group but they meet in West Brisbane so I would need to get a train there. Their meetups are monthly, the next one is in February.

I was thinking of looking at volunteering at a Vinnies again, but on top of a full time job, it would be really exhausting.

Thanks.