Relationship and family issues

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Chris_B PLEASE READ BEFORE POSTING: 3 important tips to get the most out of this section
  • replies: 0

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following... View more

Hi everyone, The Relationships & Family Issues section is one of the busiest here on our forums. It's also one of the areas where we find members can get themselves into trouble! Before posting here, take a deep breath and be mindful of the following 3 tips: 1. Do you really want to share this with the world? This is a public forum. Are you thinking of posting something that could identify you to a friend or family member? Once you've posted, you can't delete what you've written and we don't take posts down from here unless they've broken one of our community rules. This is because our members spend a lot of time composing replies, and there is a much wider audience that gets a lot out of reading what has been written. It's not fair to ask the community for support, then ask to have it removed once you've read it so others can't also benefit. Use discretion when posting here - think about the level of detail you are sharing, and think also about who might know you are posting here. Also, please keep it clean: this is an all ages forum and explicit discussions about sexual problems are not permitted. Threads and posts of this nature will be removed and your account placed on a moderation hold. 2. What do you want to get out of posting here? Relationship and family issues are stressful. Members sometimes post here seeking advice about a relationship that has broken down, but find themselves getting upset when they don't agree with the response they get. This is a peer support forum, meaning we are not mental health professionals. We are people of all ages and backgrounds, with a wide range of life experiences. While we aim for our discussions to be conducted respectfully, people here will respond with the truth as they see it, from their own experiences and perspectives. We are not here to take sides. Offence is almost never intentional, but it can be sometimes taken. The advice you will see here is not intended to be a substitute for professional counselling. 3. What other support do you have? Most people posting on our forums (about any issue) use this space as a supplement to other supports. This forum is not and cannot be a substitute for offline supports, but it is often a good place to start the ball rolling and find the courage for seeking help. If you are relying solely on an internet forum to resolve your relationship or family issues, you are likely to be disappointed. Check out the Healthy Homes section of our Healthy Families website for further information and resources.

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Katie_J Husbands double life
  • replies: 4

2 weeks before Xmas last year my husband of 17 years came home and told me he had an affair 4 years ago that resulted in a child. He said the affair was short lived. He also got a unit 18 months ago and has been spending time at the unit when he told... View more

2 weeks before Xmas last year my husband of 17 years came home and told me he had an affair 4 years ago that resulted in a child. He said the affair was short lived. He also got a unit 18 months ago and has been spending time at the unit when he told me and my children he was working away. He started the affair while my mother was dying and continued it after she died and when I needed him the most. He also told me and my children that a couple of xmas ago he needed to work but he spent it with the child from the affair. He has told so many lies and has also spent a huge amount of money on child support and the unit over the years. This was hidden From me. I am struggling every day as I loved him and trusted him with my life. I’m trying to come to terms with the fact that my life has been a lie for so long. Right up to the day he told me he would send me messages and call me 5/6 times a day and tell me he loves me and checking how my day is going. He couldn’t do enough for me around the house. So confusing and so hard for me to comprehend. He of course has left and we are going through settlement at the moment.

Natalie22 Feel trapped and a bit lost
  • replies: 12

Hi. I am new to the forum. I am not sure I am writing in the correct section. I am in a loveless, sexless marriage and we basically live at different ends of the house and we are house mates. About 6 years ago he went to hit me and things have gone d... View more

Hi. I am new to the forum. I am not sure I am writing in the correct section. I am in a loveless, sexless marriage and we basically live at different ends of the house and we are house mates. About 6 years ago he went to hit me and things have gone down hill since then. About a year and a half ago my gp put me on a low dose of antidepressants for antidepressants for anxiety but I was quite resistant and stressed and I think I had a reaction to them. It was not a pleasant experience. Things here are pretty terrible as he has a medical condition and he says things, forgets and then I will be a liar etc. If is very toxic. I have thought about attempting but realistically I know that I would not be able to do it. I just feel so trapped as I feel that there is no way out of the situation as if I leave him there is nowhere to go, how will I survive, there is nowhere to rent. My only choice is to stay in the marriage. Sorry about the rambling.

VikingNerd Wife finally moving to Australia but has BPD, can she claim disability benefits?
  • replies: 5

Hi everyone. Long time viewer, first time poster. I dont know where else to turn. My wife is finally moving to Australia in the coming months but hasn't held down a job due to her BPD/Bipolar disorder. I'm just wondering what avenues of help or finan... View more

Hi everyone. Long time viewer, first time poster. I dont know where else to turn. My wife is finally moving to Australia in the coming months but hasn't held down a job due to her BPD/Bipolar disorder. I'm just wondering what avenues of help or financial assistance she may be able to claim once she's here. I don't know how to talk to her about it as i don't know the details. I want to give her some piece of mind that there may be support for her here outside of myself. Or will she just have to be completely reliant on me? Im not sure how this works. Any insight and information would be appreciated.

adamc Dad Won't Ask For Anyone But Me To Help Him
  • replies: 6

My Dad has injured himself over the years because he wouldn't ask for help to do something. Today when I went for a long walk to the shops, I got home and Dad told me that he struggled doing some work outside because he had no one to help him. Just l... View more

My Dad has injured himself over the years because he wouldn't ask for help to do something. Today when I went for a long walk to the shops, I got home and Dad told me that he struggled doing some work outside because he had no one to help him. Just like many times, even though I wasn't at home, my Mum and eldest sister were but he always refuses to ask them. He always just uses the excuse "Well, I had no one to help me."

catlover555 I was kicked out of home.
  • replies: 3

Hello. I would like to preface this by saying I am safe, with a roof over my head thanks to my mother. My (F, 19) parents are separated, and I live(d) at my fathers house. He kicked me out today. Full blown no contact, “i never want to see your face ... View more

Hello. I would like to preface this by saying I am safe, with a roof over my head thanks to my mother. My (F, 19) parents are separated, and I live(d) at my fathers house. He kicked me out today. Full blown no contact, “i never want to see your face again” kicked me out. I know he will regret it, and probably try to make amends at some point. Heck, he was already trying to as I was leaving, but I cannot co-exist with him anymore. He is, and has always been, emotionally abusive. This was the final straw. The last big blowout. It is not good for my wellbeing to associate with him. I cannot deal with his threats, his anger, his projection, or nasty comments anymore. I always had a sneaking suspicion he would kick me out one day. He made the threats very frequently (over insignificant things like leaving cups in my room or my room being slightly messy), a lot of this is (was?) projection. He is a hoarder and the messiest person I know. Being kicked out was essentially a ticking time bomb. I thought I could tolerate him and persevere for another year or so until I had enough money saved to move out. I was wrong, and unfortunately, he beat me to it by kicking me out first. I’m pretty much posting to (a) vent, and to (b) express how I am so incredibly worried. And lost. I’m worried about how this is going to impact the rest of my life. I’m worried about the emotional toll this has taken, and will take on me. I’m worried all my progress is going to regress and I’m going to become so incredibly miserable again. I’m worried about how I’m going to complete or study for my exams next week. I’m worried about how I’m going to pay for all the therapy I will need after this. (P.S, I feel as though its relevant to mention I have an anxiety disorder and a history of mental health conditions. My anxiety sucks, but my depression got way better and I have been coping incredibly well. I’m not sure I would even meet the criteria anymore.) I feel, so, so lost. I just don’t know what to do anymore. I don’t think we will ever have a relationship again. I was so angry at everything he said. I offloaded a lot of my resentment and frustration towards him. I told him what he was, what he has done to me, and what it has resulted in. I think he found a lot of satisfaction in beating me down and seeing me suffer. I’m always worried I’ll turn into him one day.

Witchy76 Seperated and lost
  • replies: 43

Hi I’m 45 seperated for a year from my husband of 8 years, when we first split I was so focused on what I wanted to do. I wanted my own place near my kids and grand kids etc I was walking 4 k everyday, I was chatting to other people felt like I was h... View more

Hi I’m 45 seperated for a year from my husband of 8 years, when we first split I was so focused on what I wanted to do. I wanted my own place near my kids and grand kids etc I was walking 4 k everyday, I was chatting to other people felt like I was happy. But I couldn’t find somewhere to rent, after applying for over 30 houses, there were either too many applicants or I wasn’t earning enough. So I stayed in the marital home while he stayed in the motor home outside. He would come in the house and tell me how much he loved me etc etc but it was more yell at me his frustration. Then he would yell at me that he was going to kill himself . And he was very convincing that that was his plan. After a few not so great dates I had with other people I thought maybe I would give my husband another chance. Now I feel stuck and lost. Depressed and miserable. Stopped walking, stopped being happy. I also have lived with his dad for 8 years in the backyard which I loathe. Would be grateful for any tips advice wisdom a genie to grant wishes . Thanks Ali

Battlin_Business_Owner Wife of many years now non-binary - really not sure how I feel about this
  • replies: 34

Hey everyone, Guessing I can't be the only person in this situation. I'm a simple guy with a fairly simple perspective on the world, at least I think I am. My wife and I had been married almost 20yrs, we're both in a mid 40's and we have two kids one... View more

Hey everyone, Guessing I can't be the only person in this situation. I'm a simple guy with a fairly simple perspective on the world, at least I think I am. My wife and I had been married almost 20yrs, we're both in a mid 40's and we have two kids one daughter and a son. We've had the usual challenges I think many relationships have but we're still here. In the last 6 months or so my wife has declared she's non-binary and my daughter is apparently gender fluid. Honestly I'm fine for people to be who or what they want to be. My challenge is I'm a guy, I'm not anything else, I married a woman. It was pretty simple. Apparently now, some 20yrs on I'm no longer married to a woman... I've had a look for support material on this issue, frankly it's all put out by organisations that I find, are heavily slanted towards looking after the needs of the transitioning partner and supporting them. Don't be selfish and make it about you seems to be the message. For me, ok I'm not the most intuitive guy, this was a massive shock and after 20yrs how can it not be about me as well? I honestly don't know how I feel about it. She seems pretty committed to this course. I really don't think I can be married to someone who feels like their a guy some of the time. I get there's more too it than that but essentially, I feel like that's what she's telling me. I've read a few posts here of others who have have had partners decide to change gender part way through a relationship. Essentially it seems however it goes it's hard for everyone, some make it some don't. Anway, really not sure what's going to happen but would love to hear from others in a similar situation. Thx in advance.

iamhealing What should I do? I need advice
  • replies: 9

"I and my husband have been married for five years. In time, his behavior became odd and i noticed he started acting strange, keeping late nights, ignoring me and our fights escalated further than they should have from little arguments. Sensing somet... View more

"I and my husband have been married for five years. In time, his behavior became odd and i noticed he started acting strange, keeping late nights, ignoring me and our fights escalated further than they should have from little arguments. Sensing something was off, i discovered that he had been cheating for our entire marriage. i discovered he was cheating on me with my best friend, her first child is his and they have been having this affair since we got married( i don't know what to do, i am confused that i didnt see the signs) . He does not know i know already, i am waiting for him to be back this sunday before i tell him. "There’s no repairing a marriage that never really existed in the first place. I am devastated. I do not even know what to think, please i need advice

peppapigs Desperate foster parent
  • replies: 14

I've become a foster parent of 2 little girls under 4 for nearly 12 months now. I don't have any feelings for these children and am constantly feeling guilty about the lack of emotion I'm able to give them. I know they need love that I seem to be inc... View more

I've become a foster parent of 2 little girls under 4 for nearly 12 months now. I don't have any feelings for these children and am constantly feeling guilty about the lack of emotion I'm able to give them. I know they need love that I seem to be incapable of providing. They are well cared for and happy but missing the love they need. Every moment spent with them is difficult and all I want to do is stay in bed and not see anyone. I can't even smile. I've changed anti-depressants hoping these symptoms are due to depression and will pass, but I'm 5 weeks into the medication and seem to be getting worse, not better. I haven't had much luck finding places/forums to discuss these feelings and if its normal. I feel like such a failure when I see other parents and foster parents and the joy they get from their children. Any advice or pointers greatly received.

UserName123 When a porn addiction escalates
  • replies: 9

I know this topic has been covered a few times on this forum but I'd really appreciate different perspectives on my situation as I'm too in my own head right now. I've been with my husband for 5 years. I have known since we were dating that he had an... View more

I know this topic has been covered a few times on this forum but I'd really appreciate different perspectives on my situation as I'm too in my own head right now. I've been with my husband for 5 years. I have known since we were dating that he had an unhealthy relationship with porn. The first time he shared this with me I was understanding and said I would be there to help him through it. I've had male friends in the past who have also shared about their porn addictions so I wasn't too shocked or surprised. Time went by and we got married. A month into being married I noticed he was being very possessive over his phone. For example, if I used his phone to Google something he would hover over my shoulder while I used it and snatch it away almost immediately. So I confronted him about it and he admitted he continued to struggle with his porn addiction. I told him I was hurt by the fact he tried to hide it from me and asked if in the future he could be open with me whenever he felt tempted and we could work through it together. He said he would like that. That was a year ago. Fast forward to this month, I noticed he started being possessive over his phone again and I confronted him about it. He admitted he was struggling with porn again and was ashamed he had relapsed so didn't tell me. I was hurt by this but kept my composure and I asked him if there was anything else he would like to tell with me. He said no. So I asked to see where he stores the content on his phone and I find out that not only has he been downloading porn but has been filming women in public to create his own content to consume later. I am shocked and disgusted. Not only did he lie to me seconds after promising he wouldn't but apparently he has been engaging in this behaviour since before we met. At this point, we've both agreed he needs to seek professional help, however I'm conflicted. I want to be understanding but I can't take the lying and deceit anymore. On top of all this it's also been affecting our intimacy. I've confronted him in the past that I've noticed that he never initiates intimacy with me and it's normally me who has to initiate. Each time I've brought this up he got defensive saying it's my fault because I expect him to read my mind. In hindsight I realised he was also gaslighting me. I still love him and realise he is struggling with deeper issues but I feel like I deserve so much better. I don't know what to do.