I cant cope with some bad news!

[tashi]

Im a 19 yearbold female. Right now ive got many issues of my own that im just coming to terms with an only just in thr last daybor so ive started to seek some sort of help (ie this website). Last night my father whom I don't live with anymore amd whom separated from my mother when I was young (im still very close with him) I found out his now girlfriend is dying of cancer and that hes moving over the other side of the country to take care of her and her 12 year old daughter.  I don't know these people at all ive met them twice but im grieving for my father as his heartbis broken but I dont knoe how to feel . Am I more upset that his leaving his family over Christmas for another family.  Or that hes goings to raise this girl as a family when he couldn't do that for me or that his girlfriend is dying.  Or am I being extremely selfish to be thinking about myself

[Stephen123]

Hi Tashi, it seems to be that there is just too much happening in your life at the moment. Your emotions are running at an all time high. Please don,t think you are being selfish, you are just being human. Parents breaking up with young children is a very traumatic time for the child. This may be the root cause of your anxiety but you would need to seek professional advice about that. This is a very difficult time in your life. You are doing the right thing by getting it down in print and reaching out for help. I hope you have made an appointment with your gp. You can do a search for a psychologist in your area on this website. Talking things over with a psychologist will be a release for you and they can offer you advice on how to deal with what you are going through at the moment.

[tashi]

Yes you are right there is so much going on and I can't make sence of any of it.  Ive come to the realization that I do need to see someone but I haven't yet built up the coirage to sit there and tell my story to a total stranger literally the thought of going to see a physiologist makes me want to faint. O appreciate your advice and time you took to read 

[Stephen123]

I realise seeing a psychologist is a very daunting prospect so I won,t push the subject, baby steps and all in good time Tashi. The only other thing I can think of is to talk to someone you really trust and find easy to talk to. It sounds like there is a thousand things happening with you at the moment and well this is just all too much and you can,t just make sense of everything at the moment. Another thing I can think of is to take a big pad of paper and a pen and try to get everything out of your head and onto the paper. Write down your deepest darkest thoughts and write about all the anger and frustration you feel. Do this somewhere you will not be disturbed. After you,ve done this don,t show it to anyone and just take it to the garden and burn it. Repeat the process until you realise what you are writing starts to make sense. When you,ve got something you feel comfortable with try showing it to someone, preferably a gp or psychologist. The thing is Tashi you must learn how to communicate all that pent up frustration to someone, I,m sorry but it,s the only way to get on top of problems.

[tashi]

I know I do . Its just a matter of now doing it.  Thanks for taking the time 

[giggles]

Hi Tashi

Yes you do have a lot happening around you at the moment so I can understand how that is making you feeling. 

Whenever anything would feel like this to me I have learnt to break things down to what I can do about my situation.

Since your father has decided to leave to look after his girlfriend can you still have a relationship with him over the phone or the computer? or are you use to actually seeing him face to face? If it is face to face then I can understand your apprehension to his  future absence in your life.Also is it a permanent arrangement or temporary.?

Another thing is is it possible for you to go too or do you need to stay where you are?

These are things that may come up if you go to counselling and I hope they can be a way for you to start to think about things in a fresh way.

If you enjoy and understand how writing works to help sort things out it is brilliant however if you prefer the talking to someone then that is cool too. Its ok because either one is simply there as a resource for you so you are never truly alone. You will be amazed at how many people of your age group go through things like this.

All the best Tashi and don't ever forget to be kind to yourself do something you enjoy while you are searching for assistance.

Giggles

[tashi]

Hi thank you for the advice.  I live with my partner so I won't be leaving to go with him.i think yhe reason im so upset is not purely because it will be less often I see him but I can't help but feel a little betrayed that he will be there through hard times for this family that I dont know at all but couldn't stay as a family when times hot hard forbus. I know this comes from a lot of pain from when he and my mother split and I obviously havnt dealt with this. Writing is more so my style maybe ill start a journal.  Thank you again

[giggles]

Hey Tashi

Excellent to starting a journal that is very positive as the past needs to be released somehow so you can move on yourself and not carry the bad so much. 

I amaze myself at what comes out when I write because I do not know it is in there till I write about it and I always feel better because it is alot healthier seeing it out then thinking mmmmm perhaps I can learn more on how to deal with say it might be anger, resentment etc and I am alot older than you so it just goes to show we should never lose touch with ourselves as a base for what and why we are feeling something.

So again all the best and your welcome to your thank you.

I am just wondering if you are artistic at all and if so use that big time for now.

Giggles

[tashi]

I am very artistic 🙂 im thinking of setting up an art room in my house for a little bit of space that is mine 🙂 

[Stephen123]

Hi Tashi, I,m sorry for writing again but there was just a couple of negatives that you should think about before going to a gp. I think it is only fair that I warn you of the worst case scenario.

say you do visit a gp and you get diagnosed with say depression, then that label will be with you for the rest of your life, if you try and get things like insurance they will ask questions like, have you ever had depression? And then they refuse you insurance.

if you do go and see a psychologist they may not be very good and the answers you were hoping for may not be there. That is when you must keep on trying until you find the right one for you.

i have been hospitalised numerous times with major depression these are the only two negatives I have experienced in all my years of therapy. You must ask yourself is it worth taking the chance that there is an illness and if that illness gets left untreated what might happen, as opposed to obtaining a label.

there was once a person that posted on this website and they would advise to have 2 gp,s one for mental health and one for normal stuff. I think that is going a bit too far.

whatever you decide good luck Tashi.