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I was going to move to America to be with her

snafu99
Community Member

Hi beyondblue,

I've always wondered about this place, but I've been too scared to phone up because I'm shy. I started writing a Journal the other week because it just feels better than bottling it all up, and my friends just think I should "man up".

Here's my story if anyone wants to read along. 

My name is Dylan, I'm 28 and a very sensitive introvert. People say I am good looking but I don't agree and I have low self esteem.

I have been suffering from Insomnia which lead to depression. I have done sleep studies, tried different remedies but to no avail. I just went on living. I have a dead end job that doesn't give me that much satisfaction but the pay is OK. I feel like Edward Norton in Fight Club, tired everyday.

I had been single for 2 years until I met a beautiful American girl when I was travelling in 2012. I went to stay with her in her city for 3 days and after that short period of time we decided to continue the relationship long distance.

3 months after we met in USA she came to Australia. That time I spent waiting in the airport for her plane to land was the greatest feeling ever, especially when she came through those doors.

She only spent 2 weeks here because of her working commitments. It was a great 2 weeks I introduced her to my family and we had a blast exploring some of Australia and getting to know each other on a more deeper level.

After this short meeting, she headed home and we figured out what to do next. She liked Australia but not enough to move, so I decided I would quit my job and go and test the waters. I went to live there for 3 months, I couldnt work in that time but I had saved up enough money to cover the cost of me being there. I got on exceptionally well with her family and her friends. We had a few fights and sometimes we discussed the thought of me heading home early, but we got through it.

So 3 months had passed and I boarded a plane back to Australia, still in a relationship. Things were going as great as could be expected. We had a new plan, I returned to work and knuckled down saving money again. Basically the only way I was going to be allowed to stay longer than 3 months in the country is if I got married and this was a notion we had talked about at lengths.

Over the past few weeks I noticed a changed in her tone. I let her do whatever she wants, I guess I'm a pushover. She goes to all these festivals all over the place. I knew her ex was going but I let her go anyway. She was with him for 5 years before she met me. And her enjoys festivals as much as her, I don't really like them. She started becoming short with me over conversations, and I asked her what was wrong. She explained she didn't know if she loved me anymore or if it was because she had forgotten what it was like when I was around. I said she wasnt like this before she went away, but she said she'd been feeling it for a few weeks. I did a bit of facebook stalking and I noticed some recent activity between her and her ex-boyfriend. She never told me that she didnt love me anymore, she just said" I don't know, I'm confused how I feel". Anyway, we broke up and she keeps on saying "I think its for the best of us". 

I can't stop beating myself up over why this is happening, other than she connected with him more on a deeper level. I continued trying while I was in Australia, sending flowers and other reminders. I keep blaming it on my depression, because I was sometimes not the greatest person to be around. I don't go looking for relationships, I feel too self concious, the last 2 just kind of fell into place from a chance meeting.

I tried to commit when my last relationship ended. I ended up being rushed by ambulance as I texted one of my friends and told them what I had done.

In my closing statement, I just want to say that I am not sure how I can bounce back from this. I know my situation pales in comparison to pretty much everyone elses problems but I can't stop feeling this way, I feel hopeless. This was going to be my new life.

2 Replies 2

The_Real_David_Charles
Community Member

Dear snafu,

What a great thing love is !

It's good to be vulnerable, learn trust someone, meet their family, travel, have a deepening relationship.

It's bad to be dumped for no real reason, to be explained that things didn't work out, to be worrying over a future that isn't there, to be hard to let go.

You should cherish this experience because it sounds wonderful.  Even the remorse and angst are worthy experiences.   The full 9 yards.

Overseas relationships (I've had a couple) seem to focus more than ever. But what a wonderful world that allows us such choices and freedom.   Bounce back young man and dip your toe in the water again.  And again.  And again.

What you had was special.  Don't demean it with finickety worry and lonesome troubles.    Don't "man up".  Just be yourself.   Relationships are natural.  Your skills in communication far outweigh any anxiety or personality faults.  There is a sparkle to your words.  You are normal.    Beat the eggs up instead and make a cake, blow out the candle, and wish you ex well and yourself a Happy Unbirthday.

"To kill yourself over love is pure folly"  Shakespeares Othello.   There is always another song to sing, another line to write and another vibrant soul to entwine.

What a great thing love is !

Adios, David.

PS  I moved from London to Sydney to marry my o/s relationship.  So I was saved from a lifetime of fish 'n' chips, bawdy soccer hooligans and double glazing salesmen.  "I think it's for the best" is a good call.  Respect it. 100% Honesty.

mattman76
Community Member

Hey, I can relate to what you are going through. I'm also fairly sensitive and take these things hard when they happen (I'm currently going through a difficult international relationship myself). Hopefully it has made you feel a bit stronger and richer from the experience. Don't shut yourself off. Embrace any new experience when you feel ready. 

Matt