When life turns upside down

[JoelD]

I'm 34, had been married 7 years, fell in love with another woman. Separated, sold my house, quit my job, travelled to the other side of the world to be with this woman - things didn't work out now I'm back home living with my parents with no job, no wife, no home, and no reason to live other than my 4yo daughter. What do I do? I used to work as a high level health professional and today I humiliated myself by handing in a resume at Coles...

[Neil_1]

Hi Joel  

Can I ask what caused the humiliation?  Was it just due to the fact that you were resorting to trying to obtain a job at Coles?   If so, then I don’t think you should feel that way … there’s no shame in any job, I figure.  Just my 5 cents for what it’s worth.  

I’m guessing also that you up and left your job due to the fact that you headed off overseas to be with the other woman?   Is there no way that you can put forward your resume to as many health professional organisations as possible, with a really spruced up resume detailing out just how awesome you are in this field, etc etc.  

I hope in the current situation that you’re still able to see your daughter?  And that you’re not too far away from her?  

I’ve always thought that if things turned *** around for me, then I ‘might’ try my hand at working in the mines.  I dunno why, just something where you’d be away from a lot of the hustle and bustle (perhaps) and there’s potentially good money to be made as well.  I might be totally mistaken on these thoughts and perhaps this is not for you anyway, but again, just another 5 cents that I thought I’d throw into the mix.  

Ps:  I do feel for you having given up so much for something that in the end didn’t work out …  

Take care and write back to let us know how you’re getting on  

Neil

[geoff]

dear Joel, in depression we are capable of doing some things that probably we would never think of doing if not in this state of mind.

Whether or not the marriage wasn't working only because you had depression, only you know, but it's possible, so you find a lady who you fall in love with, and so this new relationship is exciting and full of fun, and desperately hope it's the beginning of a new life.

Somewhere down the track it doesn't work out and your back to square one, and 'flat as a tack.'

My worry is that you used to be a high level health professional, and I appreciate that applying for a job with Coles would appear to be demeaning for you, but you have the experience, qualifications and track record to reapply for your previous profession, but if you are suffering from this illness in a bad way, then I can understand why you haven't applied for another job.

Maybe you can let us know on how you are actually feeling. Geoff.

[Webmistress74]

Good morning JoelD, 

 I read you're post, but I am rather confused as you no doubt are too as to what you are real lying feeling & trying to say. To pack up & leave your first wife was a brave action to move to another country & hope for it to workout. I can only imagine the stress involved in that action alone would make you stop & go damn, have I made the right choice for me (you)? 

As for not having a reason to live, I appreciate that life is hard & we can not always see the light. I rarely see the light although I came to conclusion I will die anyway why make it sooner. Oh how I would love for an accident to take me out a lot of the times.  You have a 4 yr old baby girl, congratulations. Does she live nearby or is she  overseas? 

Do you have a GP to go to that you are comfortable talking too? Personally I have a habit of sabotaging anything good that comes into my life, something that I should have a phd in. 

I was quite disappointed that you wrote you were humiliated in applying for a job at Coles. Why I think you should be fine with job application is 1. You can work 2. No matter where you work people need each other. So you may thrive in a setting with qualifications to help others while learning a new job. 2. I am jealous that you can even stand to apply for a job at Coles. I can not stand for longer than 5 to 10 mins in one spot due to spinal injuries. So please be grateful that Coles may not be on top of you're list but getting self respect from doing any job is a plus. Who knows you may even like it more than past jobs. If not there are others out there to apply for once you are settled a bit more. 3. You can not measure a person by their job description or pay packet. A piece of paper saying you studied makes you know better than one who does not. It is what is on the inside that counts. Let's face it you're high paying previous job is no good after you die. Nor your money, material possessions etc. you can't take them with you. 

I will not tell you about myself as you will judge my wealth of character on not working. I judge myself enough for everyone. Flip side I really hope to hear how you are feeling today, & that you can see a glimpse of light somewhere in your life & that you concentrate on that. 

I do hope all Coles workers that may be on bb site that you all have my respect as listening to customers complain, be rude, that you have to smile & be polite at someone that can not give you respect for whatever their reason is. Fact Coles & super market employees provide a more than valuable service so my family can eat, my pets can eat, that you carry my groceries to my car as I am unable to, plus smile at me even when I am cranky. 

Joel I will respect you too no matter your wage packet or job title 🙂 it is what is on the inside that counts. Look forward & hope you feel better today JoelD. From a fellow human. 

Ps: I find counsellors are really helpful just sharing the burdens of life. As life is a lesson. ( it builds character life) & is hard.... Hug for you Joel, you are not alone !

[JoelD]

Thanks Neil, Yeah I had to swallow my pride when I applied for newstart and have exhausted all my HP options up to this point, hence the Coles thing. I know it's honest work and I shouldn't feel that way, but it was a bitter pill to swallow.

Thankfully I see my daughter every other day, so that keeps my heart warm.

PS. Your 5 cents helped make a 'change' 🙂

[JoelD]

Thanks Geoff, I've been applying for HP jobs, and have connected to linkedin which has been great. Trying to stay positive

[JoelD]

Thanks Webmistress, The most difficult part is that in the last few years I have been trying to trust my heart over my head and it has been wonderful, then this all happened lol. I realise that my soul has it's lessons to learn but I didn't expect such a dramatic set of lessons. I use the analogy that sometimes life throws you a curveball, other times it loads up a pitching machine and aims it right at your crotch.