dear Oldy, thanks for getting back to us.
OK he has spoken to you, so that's a plus, but I tend to worry about his wife as she is caught in between all of this and eventually she will break down herself.
A problem here is that he won't like being asked too many questions, as most depressed people just hate, and some of these questions could be 'why don't you like these two members of the family or what have they done to you', so I gather this could be a reason why he doesn't want to see anyone.
Personally that's why I don't like going to family gatherings, because everybody asks me the same questions, and want to know everything about what I am doing, why do I go to bed at a 'ridiculous' hour, which is early, what is 'Tom **** and Harry' doing.
Most of these questions seem to be caring, but to me they are intrusive, because 90% of these people couldn't have given a damn about me when I was struggling with depression, which now brings me to your part.
Firstly he is going away for xmas as this is deliberate to avoid any contact with the family.
The fact that he has spoken to you, is good, as I see it, so to start with, you could go to his house and give the gifts to his kids, so a repoire has to begin again, so it has to be a connection that is non intrusive, so no hard line questions, I know that you love him and I'm sure the same applies for him, but he has to be treated 'with rubber gloves', otherwise it will be all gone.
I had my sister help me with my depression, or should I say that she attached herself to me, but every time I saw her she kept on asking questions, so now we only talk a few times a year, and yes I do love her, but the inquisition is too much.
I take it that you are his mum. Geoff.
