Husband forbids me to take Our son to my parents house.

[Sad5]

My husband and dad had a fight a year back which resulted in me also not talking to my dad.

Anyway I now have a 2month old and my husband forbids me taking my son to my parents house to Christmas.

My son can see my parents but not at their house and he thinks Mt fam is toxic.

I dunno what to do..

[Sad5]

Thank you and I agree that my husband was right in the end I am glad I didn't go..

It was a plot to say I am guilty and they did nothing wrong and would of felt uncomfortable all day.

It has now opened up conversations and I have agreed to meet my dad on neutral ground as I feel uncomfortable going to their place considering how they have treated me.

They think I am being unreasonable and being almost bitchy about it but I am doing what's best for me

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sad5

I’m glad the lines of communication are now open and I like the idea of neutral ground to meet with your father.

It might feel awkward at first and it might take more than one meeting to resolve your issues. But healing a family rift is possible if both parties approach it in good faith and with integrity.

Do what feels right for you in the moment.

How does your husband feel about this plan? It would be good to know he has your back.

Kind thoughts to you

[Sad5]

Truthfully I haven't spoken to him about it. But my thinking is he doesn't mind as long as I don't go back to their house as he thinks it makes us look guilty.

I also want to see what my family attitude is. I have a bad feeling that they still don't see how their behaviour is wrong.

[white knight]

Hi Sad,

I'm glad Summer Rose has kept this going. I hasvent had a need to respond due to her thoughtful replies.

One thing that has crossed my mind is how us humans are all different and therefore families, their thinking processes are quite individual. Such thinking patterns are so different we often have to tolerate odd decisions for the sake of harmony.

Like not visiting their house but hubby doesnt mind meeting them in a park or other house. Seems odd but I suspect its a pride based decision. Such a demand you can easily simply not violate until things calm down or resolve itself.

So I think you are on the right track.

TonyWK

[Petal22]

Hi Sad5,

Im sorry that all of this has happened to you in the past it’s sad……. I’m sorry that your Dad has been behaving the way he has………

I understand it’s hard when people can’t acknowledge that they too have caused some of the damage.

It may take them time to take a step back and admit to their faults to themselves and grow from it so they can then try to make a change from their previous behaviour to a more positive one.

It takes a bigger person to be able to forgive themselves and others so everyone can move forward.

I really hope in the future that your Dad and yourself can come to an understanding.

I hope your Dad can acknowledge what really is important…… not to be wrong or right But to realise that love and kindness is the way forward.

Wishing you all the best for your future 😊

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sad5

I agree that it is entirely possible that your family may not see that their behaviour is wrong. Perhaps even probable.

Hope it’s ok to share a story …

I have a very difficult relationship with my mother in law and she has done some horrible things over the years to hurt me. Which, in turn, has hurt my husband.

She has never admitted fault. She finds a way to justify everything she does. She has never apologised.

But I have chosen to forgive her. I don’t want to carry anger, grudges or bitterness, as I see it as a waste of my energy that achieves nothing and only hurts me. Kind of like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die.

I also don’t want to hurt my husband. And I don’t want me, my husband or our children to lose our relationships with my father in law and the rest of the extended family.

So, who is right or wrong becomes less important when I consider the big picture. I keep to my firm boundaries and try to let things go and I have the love and support of my wonderful husband throughout.

Just food for thought.

Good luck talking with your father. I hope it goes well.

Kind thoughts to you

[Sad5]

I think it's because he believes it looks like we are guilty if we go to their house. I think in future if all is good it won't be a problem. It's pride but also making a point.

My dad has always used lines like "this is my house" and if he does you a favour it will be brought up if you say he does something wrong.

I get it. I don't really wanna go to.their house and they are really pushing for me to go.

Their attitudes have kinda been poor them the whole time with no thought to my husband.

[Sad5]

So do I... my big issue is if I let it go to early he will continue to talk down ro.my husband because he did nothing wrong and my husband is the jerk in his eyes.

It's hard. It's me against my whole fam.

[Sad5]

Oh I totally get that bit my husband is the one that is hurt... if he did what you did there wouldn't be a problem. But to be fair he tried for a year and just snapped.

And there has been a rift ever since. My dad made it worse by using me to hurt my husband.

So now my husband wants nothing to do with him and doesn't want me going to my dads house.

I have cried so many times because how.my father has treated me. I basically lost my family for a year.

The situation is hard but I have no control over my husbands actions

[white knight]

I have strong views on freedoms and personalities. If I had an issue with my father in law, I would never expect my wife to agree with me nor take sides and as a free adult and her happiness paramount in my mind I'd want her to have a continual relationship with him. I'd also believe I should not introduce boundaries/rules as that means I'm controlling her. I don't own her.

If I banned her from his house I would be using her as a weapon and I'd be bossy.

No one can expect to get along with other people but it's sad that loving families raise a child to adulthood only to lose them due to friction between them and a new addition like a son in law that uses control over his wife to inflict hurt.

I don't agree on how your husband is restricting your relationship with your parents. One should not use people as ammunition including children.

TonyWK