Anxious and confused :(

[Elle_gross]

Recently I got into this weird “more than friends” thing and it’s giving me such confusion and anxiety. We both want to focus on our studies since it’s our senior year so we decided to agree to start the real relationship by the end of senior year. Because of that decision he doesn’t really talk to me much so I’m just in constant anxiety even though I know it’s because he wants to focus on himself and study for the moment:(( Like the negative thoughts in my head keep telling me that if he was really interested in me enough he would talk to me more. If he doesn’t talk to me often I just assume it’s because he doesn’t want to. I know it’s not a healthy behaviour for me because I even get jealous of his friends that get to spend time with him even though I know I shouldn’t be! Like I just really want to talk to him so bad it hurts 😭 But it doesn’t seem like it bothers him so much which hurts me a bit too:(( These strong emotions keep me from my hobbies and studying. I’ve talked to him about this issue before and he told me I need to be productive too and that caring for me is making sure I am the best I can be. He says he doesn’t want to hold me back. I was productive today but I just ended up feeling worse in the end from all the suppressing and distracting my true emotions. Please help me on how to cope or if this even is the right path for me!

[geoff]

Hello Elle gross, and a warm welcome to the site.

I can understand that a serious relationship may not start until the end of the year, however, if I loved someone I would still be in contact with them on a daily basis so that no one else could attract you away from me.

No matter how engrossed someone is with their studies, having and talking to a close companion they eventually want to date is a way to distract your mind off the study and beneficial for your health.

If he is talking with other friends it's not a reasonable request why he shouldn't be doing the same to you, unless these friends are who he plays sport with.

When this isn't the situation, what do you do when you have a problem and need to discuss the outcomes, there may be nobody which can affect your own studies and the relationships you are trying to be part of, which is a concern for you.

You can't turn love on and off, it's too strong, and if he doesn't want to talk with you, then someone else may come along and take your heart.

You can also ring Kids Helpline 1800 55 1800 and talk with them, webchat or online but really hope you can get back to us.

Geoff.

[Elle_gross]

Thank you for your reply! He does talk to me about 2-3 hours on a daily basis and we hangout sparsely. It’s just not enough for me it’s like I have to talk to him 24/7 for this anxiety to calm down.

[tranzcrybe]

Ah, young love...
Only 2 to 3 hours, huh? How insensitive!...
You might need to renegotiate the 'contract' as BF is probably thinking he is being supportive in honouring your agreement and might also be feeling he need to buckle down to studies without the distraction of your charming devotion! How difficult it must be for both of you.
Maybe you could allow yourselves a regular date night to really enjoy each other's company, interruption free - a weekly fix to tide you over without going cold turkey!
You both sound delightful, and respecting each other's wishes is a great beginning! Be brave and have faith in each other - if it is true, it will still be there at the end also.