Husband forbids me to take Our son to my parents house.

[Sad5]

My husband and dad had a fight a year back which resulted in me also not talking to my dad.

Anyway I now have a 2month old and my husband forbids me taking my son to my parents house to Christmas.

My son can see my parents but not at their house and he thinks Mt fam is toxic.

I dunno what to do..

[Petal22]

Hi Sad5,

Wellcome to our forums!

Im so sorry to hear this, it must feel very difficult for you.

I understand that people fight and it can cause a family upset but I also believe in forgiveness and letting things go and trying to be positive.

Im sorry that the fight also stopped you from speaking to your dad how heartbreaking that would be…… our Dads are sometimes our first loves as daughters and I’m sure your dad would feel a lot for you being his daughter.

The negativity around not being able to take your child to your parents house for Christmas must be so hard and upsetting for both sides…… it’s really tough……

Would you like to take your child to your parents house for Christmas?

Would you also like to be on speaking terms with your dad?

People change and people grow…

Can your husband learn to forgive and see your point of view?

[geoff]

Hello Sad5, with your husband and your dad having a fight does make it awkward because both may be unable to change their mind or stuck in their ways and don't want to change, this makes it difficult to know what to do because if you go against one of them, then problems are going to occur.

This all depends on how you feel and who you agreed with after the fight they had and whether or not any points they made can be changed to an acceptable agreement, however, with a 2 month old baby I'm sure your work is more fixed on looking after the baby.

Can you come to an agreement that your parents can see the baby for a couple of hours only and that no discussion from previous events are allowed to be spoken about.

Take care.

Geoff.

[white knight]

Hi, welcome

I would suggest that this demand from your husband is a form of control and so, like any direct control, is unacceptable. You should be able to exercise your rights, not feel you are "owned".

I suggest you seek a family/marriage counselor. If your husband wont attend the sessions then attend alone but keep the details away from him if he asks as he has the opportunity to attend and he cant have that both ways.

I hope you have a good xmas in a park or mutual grounds just for this xmas to keep the peace.

TonyWK

[Sophia16]

Hi,

I am sorry for what you are going through. i can see that you are feeling helpless. It must be so difficult to deal with that.

Have you spoken to your husband about how you feel? He cannot 'demand' you to do anything. You should have freedom in your relationship. At the end of the day, he is your dad.

It may take time for things to settle.

Stay safe and I am here to char if you need me.

[Petal22]

Merry Christmas Sad5……….

I agree that your husband can’t forbid you to do anything………… you have your own mind and you know what’s wrong and what’s right.

Go with your gut….

[Sad5]

It's so complicated. To be fair to my husband last Christmas we went to the.big event and he agreed knowing my fam would be there and I was hoping that would kinda resolve things.

My family purposely didn't tell me they were not coming so I rocked up and just found them not there it hurt me so much.

Also the situation with my dad is not my choice it's his. I've reached out to my father multiple times and he has rejected my gifts and not responded to my messages. He didn't even congratulate me on my child's birth and hasn't reached out at all.

So christmas lunch would of been the first time I spoke or saw him in over a year.

My main issue my husband had with Christmas at my parents was it was at my parents and they only invited us the night before. My dad still hadn't spoke to me.

He told me I could go but not our son. He said he did this to protect us both as he felt I would of been attacked by my dad verbally if I went because it was clear he had no regrets as he hadn't contacted me.

As it was so last minute the invitation I decided not to go. As he was right my dad had not tried to contact me and had made no effort at all. He had also hurt me over and over again this year without remorse.

I got calls all day and now my family hates me...

[Sad5]

I think now we have a son this needs to be resolved as yesturday hurt me so much. My heart broke for my son and my family..

Christmas has always been an important and special day for me and now its a day of heart ache because my husband and father will not look past their egos to resolve the issues they have.

[Sad5]

This is also the problem...

My dad will not compromise and if they asked me earlier I am sure we could of worked it out but I was originally not invited until the 24 December so I had no hope...

And he shouldn't of used my son and hasn't before... but he felt like them inviting us the night before and it being my mum not my dad would result in a messy yucky day as nothing was resolved and my dad still hadn't spoken to me.

I dunno I just feel horrid I hate conflict I am always the one that gives in to keep the peace and my husband doesnt want me to. As my family have not acknowledged the pain they have put me through and still continue to just blame me.

Even though I've tried to make contact with my dad multiple times and he has made a point of ignoring me and hurting me.

[Summer Rose]

Hi Sad5

I really feel for you.

For what it’s worth, I think your family are being really unfair to you and it feels like your husband was trying to protect you.

Expecting you to accept the invitation with all the unresolved issues with your dad hanging around was a big ask. Going to your family Christmas would have been a huge risk given the “trick” they played the previous year. No telling how your father might have responded on the day. And I’ve no doubt it wouldn’t have felt “right”being there without your husband, particularly as this was your baby’s first Christmas.

Put the shoe on the other foot, what would have happened if you had invited them all to your place the day before Christmas? Would your dad have come? Would the others have come without him? I don’t think so.

I’m actually wondering if the invitation was made in good faith. Most people would have already made plans for Christmas and be forced to decline. So, the invitation puts them on the high road and automatically makes you look bad and means you carry the guilt. Very unfair to you.

Your family’s response to you not attending is also really disappointing. I’m wondering if it would pay to have an honest and open conversation with mum or whoever you are closest too about what happened and how torn you felt.

But I think moving forward you need to think about what’s best for your family—you, your husband and child. Your family’s needs have to come first or the stress on your marriage will only increase.

Kind thoughts to you