Immediate support
Immediate support

Relationship and family issues

Anything to do with managing relationships and family, including parenting, separation, loneliness, divorce, family and friendships.

Start a discussion

FAQ

Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

View the FAQ

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

View the guidelines
Categories
Start a discussion

Pinned discussions

BeyondBlue Hey there - read this to see what this section is all about
  • replies: 0

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a ... View more

Hello and welcome This is the Relationships and Family section where members can talk about what is happening in their lives and the people they live with. We know that who we live with can make a big impact on our wellbeing, both in a good way or a negative way. As always, we want to hear your story and how it impacts you and encourage everyone to support each other with kindness. There are a few things to consider when posting in this section so we can all get the most out of it: Everyone’s situation is unique. We all do our best to share what is important in our story but we can never share it all. Let’s be mindful we can’t know all of everyone’s story. Anonymous but public. These posts are available to everyone and while the moderation team keeps the Forums anonymous, posts are still online for everyone to read. Have a think about what you want to share to get the best support for you. Please stay safe. This space is an amazing way to seek support from others who might understand what you are going through. We want to hear how you are going and what is happening for you. Please also consider 1800RESPECT if you don’t feel safe or 000 if you are in danger right now. You deserve to be safe. Thank you again for joining this conversation, your contributions are worthy and important to us here. Beyond Blue

All discussions

Start a discussion

Sum1 Family Drama
  • replies: 3

Concerned for the wellbeing of a child, on husbands side of fam. School age. I've suspected neurodivergence (at a guess asd and adhd) since he was a baby. Parents are aware of developmental issues (almost nonverbal, aggressive (our children can no lo... View more

Concerned for the wellbeing of a child, on husbands side of fam. School age. I've suspected neurodivergence (at a guess asd and adhd) since he was a baby. Parents are aware of developmental issues (almost nonverbal, aggressive (our children can no longer visit because of an incident that was laughed off), at risk of self harm when emotional (not taken seriously by parents) anti-social, can't follow instruction- they never tell him no) etc. They refuse to get diagnosis because they don't 'trust the system'. They don't trust any system. They pulled him out of kindy after a couple of weeks. Hasn't been enrolled in mainstream school. It's possible he may by now have been enrolled in an 'unschooling' program- mum hinted she had no plans to attempt to educate (they are restricted as far as public experiences are concerned). I understand that the child is not yet suited to mainstream but he does need some form of professional support, because he isn't getting help at home. The parents have severe conspiracy mentality. Im not discounting her claims but it is limiting her ability to seek help. They have banned anyone with covid jab from visiting the house. Noone can talk to them because they cut off anyone that has a different view. (My relationship with them is strained because as much as i am patient in trying to understand thier views, they are disrespectful in how they treat other people. Not something i tolerate). Noone is trying to make them believe anything, but very concerned about household mental health situation, childs wellbeing. Tried to reach out to pro's but told they cant offer help if family doesnt agree to 'self refer'. Most people that can help have been immunised and use wifi. If child is enrolled in unschooling, i can't go the ed. dept. route for welfare check. If I call for a welfare check fam will know it was me. I've spoken to grandparents, brothers who agree its an issue, but cant understand urgency and told me not to do anything hasty (multiple years is hasty apparently). My thought is that the welfare of the child is more important than the family liking me? I just want professional to suss out the situation thoroughly. Was hoping that family might give them more opportunity to sort themselves out before pro's intervene, but i keep getting ' i dont like confrontation'- in my book, a complete cop-out.

Mothership My husband wants me to date other people
  • replies: 7

Hi, my husband and I live separately because of his mental health, we talk everyday, and see each other, he says he loves me each day, he has told me to date other people, he says to meet the needs he can't meet, but I have been faithful for the 26 y... View more

Hi, my husband and I live separately because of his mental health, we talk everyday, and see each other, he says he loves me each day, he has told me to date other people, he says to meet the needs he can't meet, but I have been faithful for the 26 years we've known each other. I'm 63 yrs old now and I don't think I could date anyone else, especially to be intimate,

Abc1234a He wont leave
  • replies: 3

Hello, I need some advice. I am in a same sex scenario with my now ex partner. I call him my ex but he won’t accept that and just gaslights me every time I try and deal with the situation about separating (we were married, recently divorced and staye... View more

Hello, I need some advice. I am in a same sex scenario with my now ex partner. I call him my ex but he won’t accept that and just gaslights me every time I try and deal with the situation about separating (we were married, recently divorced and stayed together because of covid) - now covid is over I moved out to my parents and he is staying here temporarily. I have asked him to move out and in response tells me that I have ptsdm and apparently knows everything about this subject (like everything else) and makes me feel like there is something wrong with me. Anyway I just want him out of my life, I am not sure I am even gay anymore and have found Jesus and his is all so confusing. I want him to leave but he won’t accept the fact that our relationship is over. I really don’t want to involve the police (this situation is embarrassing because I don’t want to involve my parents) and I am worried that he will have no where to go (I know sounds stupid) I told him to move out by the 2nd July but he doest seem to take me seriously. I haven’t seen my friends since being in this relationship and have had a very depressed mood, I know it needs to end so that I can move on with my life.I have had two temp protection orders in the past as the aggrieved (which I have dropped before going to court) and just got a third last week where he has to be of good behaviour, he is not violent but we things get heated we do fight and things get thrown around.. Can you please offer me some advice.

Bridge678 Medicine withdrawal
  • replies: 10

Hey guys, so a while go I posted about my husband cheating. And of course I think and think about it all the time. Anyway today I had a realisation. At the time when this happened he had gone off (against advice) his anxiety meds cold turkey. Thinkin... View more

Hey guys, so a while go I posted about my husband cheating. And of course I think and think about it all the time. Anyway today I had a realisation. At the time when this happened he had gone off (against advice) his anxiety meds cold turkey. Thinking about when this affair happened I thought he was showing off which was really out of character for him, his behaviour was like he was buzzing a bit. I asked him today if that was when he came off his meds and he agreed I then asked him how he felt at the time of the affair and he said he didn’t feel himself and felt heightened. I suggested did you feel a bit invisable and he said yes a bit I guess and now I’m wondering if the sudden stopping off the meds and the excessive drinking which was done on this period of time has induced mania. There was a few random things he did over that few days that were out of character which I can’t say what as if anyone knows us on here they would work out who I am. I don’t know enough about it but what I’m reading so far it sure matches up. It still doesn’t excuse what happened but if this is a possibility it sure makes it a little easier to swallow. What do you guys think?

maddie_faye Not many friends and fear of losing the ones I have
  • replies: 2

So I only have two close friends, one who I’ve know my whole life but I rarely see her because she lives an hour away and has an inconsistent work schedule and the other one lives only 10 minutes away. with the friend that lives 10 minutes away we we... View more

So I only have two close friends, one who I’ve know my whole life but I rarely see her because she lives an hour away and has an inconsistent work schedule and the other one lives only 10 minutes away. with the friend that lives 10 minutes away we were meant to be going out tomorrow for a drive which we were both looking forward to tomorrow and I even told my psychologist I was looking forward to this and her Mum (even tho she’s 20) rang my mum last night to tell her that she won’t be going because she doesn’t do well in the cold and isn’t really feeling well but is too scared to tell me. I was unaware of this as when I spoke to her about it she seemed quite excited, and this is something that does happen sometimes when I make plans with her she can’t go for whatever reason and when I spoke to my friend Today she told me that she can’t go because of family stuff. now the reason why I’m worried about losing the only two close friends that I have is because according to my mum I can be quite selfish sometimes and not flexible when it comes to making plans which I guess would be my personality flaws. If I lost my friends that would devestate me and make my mental health even worse that what it actually is.

Just_need_answers Looking for answers - he won’t give them to me
  • replies: 4

I thought I had met the most amazing man. We were engaged after one year of dating. thisgs had been pretty amazing . The doubt began when he had parked his car at my place we were staying at his. He made plans to play golf but needed his golf clubs t... View more

I thought I had met the most amazing man. We were engaged after one year of dating. thisgs had been pretty amazing . The doubt began when he had parked his car at my place we were staying at his. He made plans to play golf but needed his golf clubs that were in his car at my place. I said I would get them for him as I was heading that way & could pick them up. He acted all weird- he even said oh no I will go and get them on the motorbike - I rearranged my appointments to go straight home as he seemed nervous. I got home went to the boot of his car and yes the golf clubs were there and a box with bag of stuff - i decided to look through the bag. I found a wig a heap of adult toys and stockings and female underwear. I was shattered- My first thoughts were why is he getting a woman to dress up for him and not asking me. His first response when confronted was he just bought them from the adult shop on a cheap sell out table- I replied with I don’t think they sell second hand toys and worn underwear. he then changed his story and said they were from before me and had been in his car for over a year.I said so which is it. he said he didn’t want his daughter to find in his house ( she is 24 ) He had also lent his car to his son and this wasn’t a problem. it never crossed my mind at this time he was dressing up. I received a picture text from him of a person in dressed up he didn’t crop the top of message and it mentioned a site so I googled the site. I was now questioning his sexuality. He started sending me more pictures and would just say he was trying to shock me and that it is only fantasy. Lots of adult pictures and named acts which i looked up to find out what they were. He had asked me to do things that I have questioned, although he says these are fantasies only. And he is not cheating and there is no one else in his life and he only loves me. His brother is aggressive to me - he yells at me & is very jealous of us, tells me that he loves him more than I do & how much he hates me & has told his brother to leave me. I have been very compassionate in any approach but I am met with anger and nastiness and told I am crazy My question is - is he cheating and leading a double life

Casey_90 Drinking to excess every 8 months or so, leading to violence.
  • replies: 8

Good morning My husband and I have been together for approximately nine years. He was raised in an abusive environment where his parents would often leave him home by himself at the age of seven to look after his four younger brothers and sisters, wh... View more

Good morning My husband and I have been together for approximately nine years. He was raised in an abusive environment where his parents would often leave him home by himself at the age of seven to look after his four younger brothers and sisters, whilst they went out binging all weekend. He would witness them abusing each other quite often. His brothers and sisters don't really remember it, but he clearly does. Now to lead this into present day. He is a fantastic husband and father, he is so selfless and loyal and loves me endlessly. 90% of the time he is fantastic, however, he has a flaw, as we all do, though this is somewhat larger. If there is a family event, probably once a year, him and his mother will stay up all night drinking, they both have the tendency to pick fights when they are in a state, they will fight with one another. Then my husband will come home and try to pick a fight with me, something so simple, like I didn't say hello or whatever. I absolutely try to not engage, I say nothing, I walk away, I say enough, please just go to bed and it just makes him angrier. On two occasions, he's hit a wall, one where he broke his hand. He has never hit me or threatened to hit me, I also don't feel scared, just annoyed that he doesn't have the ability to just end the night and go to bed. The next day he is sorry for himself, he will cry, we will talk it through. He has done it in front of his family, whereby it resulted in him and his mum sitting down and opening up about how his childhood has affected him, which helped, a lot. I have organised counselling, he does not like this side of him and willingly went to counselling. However, yesterday it happened again, he was going so well for 8 months and bam, it happened again. Upon speaking with him today, it was the same, sad, sorry. Honestly I am falling out of love with him, I spoke to him about this today, like I'm at the point where, when he does this, I lose so much respect and my love is waining. I strive for the idea of the old couple holding hands, but it is hard. I understand he is dealing with unresolved issues from the past and there will be slip ups, but quite frankly, I'm worried for my kids and how they will view relationships. I make absolutely every effort to shield them from this behaviour, I will calmly walk them to our room and they will still be happy, just watching their tablet or whatever. But quite frankly, this is not acceptable. What do I do?

Guest_342 Living together for first time
  • replies: 18

Hi everyone, My partner has just moved in. I've lived alone for many years and am used to doing things my way and having my own space and choice as to what I do and when I do it. After a long period of a long distance relationship, he has now moved t... View more

Hi everyone, My partner has just moved in. I've lived alone for many years and am used to doing things my way and having my own space and choice as to what I do and when I do it. After a long period of a long distance relationship, he has now moved to my city and into my place. I went into it feeling optimistic and was aware that I need to conromise and be welcoming so he feels like it is his home too. However, we'd not so much as gone on a holiday together before so this is a big jump to a full time live-in arrangement. He got rid of most of his furniture and changed jobs to make the move. It's an amazing gesture on his part. I am finding myself being easily irritated in our first week and struggling to feel attraction at the moment. One thing that has caused a lot of grieg yesterday and today is that I am not used to sharing my bed, so I am used to having silence. He has tended to sleep on his side facing the middle of the bed (i.e. in my direction). He tends to breathe through his mouth so it can be noisy. I thought for a long while how I can respectfully ask him to roll the other way without upsetting him. Eventually I gained the courage to politely ask him. He asked why so I said I am not ised to someone else's breathing and it is in my ear and a bit loud for me. He then said, "Ok... I'll hold my breath or mouth breathe this way." This morning, I asked how his sleep was, as I always do, and he said he hadn't slept all night because of what I said and that he became self conscious. I think he thought I was implying that he is particularly noisy. I tried to explain that anyone lying next to me might have the same effect while I am adjusting. This morning, as he was getting ready for work, he made a few comments that he was sleepy and would try to get through the day. He didn't ask how I was (I didn't sleep either, as I felt that I had said something demoralising and hurtful). He hasn't really asked how I am at all this week, despite him knowing this is an incredibly hard adjustment for me. Did I go about this the wrong way? Is this kind of bickering normal for the first week? I can't help but have doubts, but feel stuck because he gave so much up for me.

jem_jem Why can't I leave
  • replies: 6

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 10 years, it has been challenging to say the least. I know I don't mean much to him, I know I'll never be good enough and I don't even think we are friends. I know what I have been through has been em... View more

I have been in a relationship with my partner for 10 years, it has been challenging to say the least. I know I don't mean much to him, I know I'll never be good enough and I don't even think we are friends. I know what I have been through has been emotional abuse but I lack the courage to leave even though I know that would be best. We have a daughter together and it hurts me to think of having to put her through a family breaking up. I know what he says is more of a reflection of how awful and selfish he is but I fall for it and I believe the awful things he says. It makes me feel powerless and stuck. He reminds me often that I wouldn't survive without him and it makes me terrified of failing. Whenever I speak up he threatens to leave, I do think this would be best but why am I so scared of it. I cry when I'm alone often. I don't tell my friends or family what's happening because I don't want them to worry nor do I want sympathy. Sometimes I question my worth and feel like giving up. I just don't understand how someone could be so cruel and heartless.

Freedolphin9 Guilt over leaving partner
  • replies: 4

I F23 and partner 24 have been on a nice long road trip to see my family over the last two weeks interstate. We have been together 9 years and living together for about 6. Durring the past month I have been experiencing a lot of emotional abuse, more... View more

I F23 and partner 24 have been on a nice long road trip to see my family over the last two weeks interstate. We have been together 9 years and living together for about 6. Durring the past month I have been experiencing a lot of emotional abuse, more than usual and I just feel exhausted. I have been planning on leaving him in a few weeks time to go live with my family but when the day comes I don't know if I can do it. I'm scared if I stay its going to continue to get worse and eventually lead to violence as his dad is violent to his mum and previously to me. I am just confused as I was so set in leaving him but I am really worried he will be too sad and of hurting him. I want to stay friends so bad as I still love him but am not in love anymore. I've begged for years to see a counsellor together but he refuses. I have been going to one by myself though who is concerned for me about my partner. I believe I will be okay but I have this guilt and worried it will hurt him. I also worry I am a bad person wanting to not be in a relationship anymore. He does a lot of nice things for me and feel like I owe him for everything he's done for me as well. I don't like it when hes not nice but he can be really nice too. I also would take my dog with me and I feel really bad but he doesn't feed her, buy her food, clothes, treats, pay for insurance and she's in my name... but I feel so bad separating them. But I know I wouldn't cope without her either. We couldn't do custody either as I'd be living interstate and don't want to stress her even more. He works full time while I study at home so spend all day with the dog... Has anyone got any advice I am so stuck and lost. Anyone else been through something similar?