Find answers to some of the more frequently asked questions on the Forums.

Forums guidelines

Our guidelines keep the Forums a safe place for people to share and learn information.

Husband cheated on me with another man what now?

Community Member
I have been with my husband for 16 years. Married for nearly 12. He cheated on me with a woman many years ago when I was suffering from ptsd and depression. I had to forgive him then. Since then I have struggled with confidence. He is quick to blame me for my lack of sex drive. There are so many factors. I have one child with him, now nearly 3 yo, and I have struggled with my sexual confidence and weight since his birth. This is my husband’s reason for being unfaithful. He went online and met up with at least three men and had sex with them. He told me it was because he needed excitement and I wasn’t interested. I don’t know what to do. I feel it is completely my fault that he was driven to such desperation.
3 Replies 3

white knight
Community Champion
Community Champion

Hi, welcome

We often read of affairs on this forum and their devastating effect on the poster here. The added factor here is that lately your husband has chosen same sex is a different demographic. It simply raises more questions in that- how could you be "blamed" when his desires are such you could never fulfill?

You must be saddened and lost so any confusion is totally justified.

You dont mention if you both have ever sort counseling over your troubles with sexual incompatibility? As he has previously highlighted to you that that was a problem a common cause of action, on his part, would be to initiate such a suggestion, dont you think?

I cant recommend to leave him or not, however it does get to a stage where your mental health has to take precedence over all else. Confusion needs clarification so you can move forward with confidence. If you feel that way then counseling would be beneficial to you.

When someone commits acts that is unacceptable their common defence is to blame the other partner. That can lead to doubting yourself which is shifting responsibility.

I'm glad you've found this forum. Its a friendly place and you can repost amytime as developments continue if you feel so.


Thanks Tony. We are scheduled for a counselling session next Friday. It is going to be a difficult week waiting.


I know this might be optimistic even untealistic, but I've always believed you give someone a chance to explain things, talk etc.

I'd suggest writing down your specific grievances and leave the little things till later.

I'm here daily if you repost.