Husband chatting to other women

[Cbear]

Back in 2023 I found my husband on dating sites chatting to other women) 

I found this through a friend notifying me) 

plus hacked into his email accounts and Facebook account to investigate further - I found an intimate conversations between my husband & other girl.. I messaged the said girl confronted my husband with all the information and evidence I have.. 

things blew up I asked him to leave to give me space to process all this .. 

husband refused to leave - and tried to commit suicide- I stopped this .. 

called the Paramedics and police- 

husband had a mental breakdown spent 4 weeks in the hospital .. 

furthermore - 

it came to light .. husband has a sex addiction 

He was medicated to stop his suicidal thoughts and other obsessions 

husband loves me and wants us to be forever - 

our whole marriage & relationship) last 7 years 

I’ve worked to support my husband while he sorted his mental health issues and for family circumstances) 

Moving forward 2 years

the last few months 

I have been feeling really down and burned out 

from my life and work 

I haven’t been able to take time off from work either since all the above happened in 2023 

I’ve had no time to process this heartbeat 

I just forgave my husband and moved along with life together 

why am I now not coping with all that’s happened 

to add to this 

I’ve emotionally supported 

financially supported 

and I’m a mother and step mother to his 3 kids 

I have my own son whom is an adult) 

hence I lost my relationship with my brother as he gave me the ultimatum to choose between himself and my husband ) my brother disgusted I chose to forgive my husband - plus my husbands mental health stirs up a lot of part family stuff 

with our upbringing with our parents - 

so I’ve lost my brother and nieces and nephews 

and I’m sitting here just processing all this still 

which I never dealt with this back in 2023 I just pushed it all aside thinking life would still be great and happy ..

I feel like my husbands infidelity has changed me .. 

I went down a dark place .. kept my feelings to myself ..

I have family and friends that I can’t chat to in fear of them being to overprotective and telling my husband what they truly think of him 

I don’t want this) 

I don’t want any drama or trouble

yet now I’m more alone then ever) 

with my own thoughts that are really bringing me down ..

I often question my husband 

whom is saying 

he will never go back down that road of hurting me- 

I’ve had access to all his social media’s since the infidelity Bach in 2023

My husband gets snappy at me now also- the last few months 

maybe more to do with the fact that I’ve changed towards him to 

I don’t know what to do 

I’m committed to my husband 

his the love of my life 

but I can’t help but feel something else will happen in the future 

where my husband goes back to chatting to other women 

I feel like I’m hit the same person anymore 

She is lost somewhere 

I have no idea how to get through this 

and how to get myself back again 

further more 

I’m a support worker 

in aged care) so 

my whole life is caring for others 

Im truly burnt out!! 

life is changing now to with my husband now working and providing 

I’m fearful and unsure about what the future holds 

I know we need marriage counselling and myself my own therapy 

I know all this 

I would like to hear other peoples struggles in marriages 

have you been through similar ? How did you recover and or what worked for you or not 

please no judgement 

[white knight]

Hi, welcome 

No judgement here cbear, we pride ourselves of that.

I've had 4 long term relationships including 2 marriages. I've been very happy with my 2nd wife of 13 years. Im 70yo 2 grown children from 1st marriage.. been a step parent twice. Worked in security before retirement with many men some that broke their wife's heart with affairs and visa versa.

Your brother imo has been unfair as its your decision totally about hubby so it would be disappointing to force you to make a choice.

Hubby has had the "chasing" fever where even if he is content at home in many ways, that chase for lust was overwhelming to the point of cyber cheating, which is cheating in fact. My comment on this is twofold- 1/ its unacceptable 2/ it usually has zero to do with lack of loving their spouse. So if he loves you why did he cheat? My theory is it goes back to the science of men spreading their seed, that explains the urge.

So your problems now is solely between you and him in particular how you can move forward following this breach of trust. I do believe you can overcome this experience and return trust with him, as you've expressed willingness to attend counselling. Do it please.

Forgiveness is an incredibly wonderful characteristic and I feel his remorse with his hospitalisation is a reflection of that. He loves you, no doubt.

Cheating is different in every case. Married individuals mess up in various ways, gambling their savings, breaking laws, alcoholism etc. Many of them get a second chance when they're forgiven but once that has been pledged you have to move forward. To remain with him mirrors your care and character, an amazing lady.

All the best with counsel. 

"Forgiveness is great when a train takes the wrong track once. There's no perfect train and many willing tracks..."

TonyWK